My 18 year old daughter left home with no warning and moves with her boyfriends family! (party, spank)

[revelated]

I want to state an additional line for the mothers who are in this situation.

Your children feel betrayed when you stand by and let someone bully them. Doesn't matter if it's a teacher, a friend, a pet, or their father/stepfather. If you allow it to happen and do nothing about it, your child will feel betrayed. Once your child feels like you are no longer their ally, they're apt to do all sorts of things - the majority of which you don't want to happen. You need to put yourselves in their shoes...the one person they feel they should be able to trust and look up to, the one that begot them, is standing there deaf dumb and stupid, allowing someone to roast them, either verbally, physically or emotionally. How would you feel? Betrayed? Insulted? Or disconnected, maybe? That's how they feel. And smart kids will leave the situation instead of continuing to feel that pain.

Sometimes the relationship will heal; sometimes it won't. But if you don't start doing right by the kid, they're going to start taking things into their own hands. You've seen the stories about runaway teens. You've read about kids resenting their parents. Don't be a statistic...I'm not saying this to be a jerk, I'm saying this because I've lived it, and it disturbs me greatly that there are still parents who just don't get it.

[Mt-7]

Situations differ, sometimes this happens just because it happens.
Please do not rub salt into the wound.

[revelated]

Guess what? Kids/teens/young adults don't purposely leave home for no reason. Something always drives them out. Might not be the parents per se, but there is always a cause. As a parent, your job is to do the best you can not to contribute to those causes, even if it means you have to handle the situation with kid gloves. Some of the stories I've heard here - about dads going back and forth with their daughter over trivial matters - are preventable.

[Mt-7]

As for us the trivial matter was she wanted the boyfriend to sleep over.
First and only real issue we ever had.
She choose to launch into it when I was at work so she would only have to flip out on one parent.
Not very mature.
Trust me, a boyfriend can wreck the parent relationship when they are manipulating your daughter.

[revelated]

I don't know your situation. But it sounds like you didn't execute the proper counter.

"I want my boyfriend to sleep over"

"Sure. You sleep in your room, he sleeps downstairs, I'll sleep on the stairs. How's that?"

[Mt-7]

This was offered, but not accepted by her.

[revelated]

"No? Well, looks like you have a choice to make, because you asked if he could sleep over and I gave you the condition. Sounds like you don't really want him to sleep over after all. What a cruel girlfriend you must be! Tell you what...have him come by and I'll have a nice chat with the guy about some of your other boyfriends *smile* I'll be sure to tell him that you asked me if he could sleep over, I said yes, you said no, and let's see if we can get him to dump you, between the two of us working at it!"

Creative discipline, I like to call it...

[Mt-7]

Not a bad idea, but not applicable in this case.
The move out was planned, just was looking for a catalyse.

[JS1]

She is an adult and can do as she pleases.

I moved away from my parents when I was 18 and in the 12th grade. I lived with a friend about 1/2 mile away.

I continued going to school and my evening job. After two weeks I came back. My parents learned to stop treating me like a child.

[Mt-7]

good that your family kept the door open.
as have i.