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You're very rude! Read both sentences, knit wit. An alliance is an agreement or friendship between two or more parties, made in order to advance common goals and to secure common interest.
The dumbest thing one can do is fight amongst each other in front the children. I am under the impression that the father spoke already.
Parents don't need to always agree for things to work out believe it or not. And the same argument you used can go for one adult saying yes. The point is just because he has some ridiculous idea that his daughter should not have one doesn't mean his wife should now agree out of some level of parental unity. What if daddy says no about other things....dating....sex....going out with friends?
I don't recall saying it has anything to do with gender. What i am saying is that just because daddy or mommy disagrees doesn't mean they are correct. And your analogy is flawed because things such as tobacco and alcohol actually have real reprucussion...earings done by most any place don't.
Are you in a healthy marriage? Because there's absolutely nothing that can undermine one faster that one partner having objections that get ignored or overridden by the other partner.
What's more, there are cultures that disagree with that kind of ornamentation. I don't agree with that, but if you are in that family, then it matters a great deal and must be accounted for.
I think the problem with your argument is that you seem to feel it's the job of the parent to allow the son or daughter to do whatever he or she damn well pleases as long as there is not immediate harm. But a healthy family is not child-centered. It is parent-centered. And if a parent has a strong objection to a child's desire to poke multiple holes in her earlobes, then so be it. Once she turns eighteen and has her own independence, she can do whatever she wants.
Are you in a healthy marriage? Because there's absolutely nothing that can undermine one faster that one partner having objections that get ignored or overridden by the other partner.
What's more, there are cultures that disagree with that kind of ornamentation. I don't agree with that, but if you are in that family, then it matters a great deal and must be accounted for.
I think the problem with your argument is that you seem to feel it's the job of the parent to allow the son or daughter to do whatever he or she damn well pleases as long as there is not immediate harm. But a healthy family is not child-centered. It is parent-centered. And if a parent has a strong objection to a child's desire to poke multiple holes in her earlobes, then so be it. Once she turns eighteen and has her own independence, she can do whatever she wants.
I think what a lot it is that many parents today are very afraid to be viewed as uncool by their kids and their kids' friends.
There is great pressure today to be the coolest parent ever, the parent who always sees it from the child's viewpoint. The parent who never dreams of saying no to anything. Cool parents are just like the child's best friends.
It's harder to be a parent who says no. In the past it wasn't - back in the 60's or 70's if you told your dad he wasn't cool, he wouldn't have cared at all, his goal wasn't to be the coolest dad in the neighborhood. Or to have the coolest kids carefully following all the latest fads.
Are you in a healthy marriage? Because there's absolutely nothing that can undermine one faster that one partner having objections that get ignored or overridden by the other partner.
What's more, there are cultures that disagree with that kind of ornamentation. I don't agree with that, but if you are in that family, then it matters a great deal and must be accounted for.
I think the problem with your argument is that you seem to feel it's the job of the parent to allow the son or daughter to do whatever he or she damn well pleases as long as there is not immediate harm. But a healthy family is not child-centered. It is parent-centered. And if a parent has a strong objection to a child's desire to poke multiple holes in her earlobes, then so be it. Once she turns eighteen and has her own independence, she can do whatever she wants.
No i think that you both need to sit down and dicuss why he feels it's unneeded....it could be for a realistic reason but in this case it most likely isn't. For what possible reason other then he just doesn't feel "she" needs a 3rd earring that is realistic could he use? And while i agree you need to united on most issues in some cases you can't be. My grandfather was the most pigheaded man imaginable...he had a very nice double standard for his daughters and son...however my grandmother would often allow my mother and her sisters to do what they asked because of it. If they went by your theory then my mother and her sisters would never have gone on dates, to dances,wore makeup,drove,went to college while living at home,chose their own dates,had sex before marriage,etc etc etc.
I think what a lot it is that many parents today are very afraid to be viewed as uncool by their kids and their kids' friends.
There is great pressure today to be the coolest parent ever, the parent who always sees it from the child's viewpoint. The parent who never dreams of saying no to anything. Cool parents are just like the child's best friends.
It's harder to be a parent who says no. In the past it wasn't - back in the 60's or 70's if you told your dad he wasn't cool, he wouldn't have cared at all, his goal wasn't to be the coolest dad in the neighborhood. Or to have the coolest kids carefully following all the latest fads.
You don't have to be the cool parent to raise your kids....but in some cases you and your spouse are going to disagree and the spouse that says no shouldn't always get their way just because you need to maintain parental solidarity.
You don't have to be the cool parent to raise your kids....but in some cases you and your spouse are going to disagree and the spouse that says no shouldn't always get their way just because you need to maintain parental solidarity.
I believe parental solidarity is more important than a third ear piercing -- but of course I view that along the lines of a third doughnut but more permanent.
The child only wants it to be viewed as "cool" and why one parent would choose cool over the husband seems kind of far out to me. It's creating a wedge - one parent decides to be uncool, the other wants to be viewed as the cool parent who is into everything the middle or high school kids are into.
I believe parental solidarity is more important than a third ear piercing -- but of course I view that along the lines of a third doughnut but more permanent.
The child only wants it to be viewed as "cool" and why one parent would choose cool over the husband seems kind of far out to me. It's creating a wedge - one parent decides to be uncool, the other wants to be viewed as the cool parent who is into everything the middle or high school kids are into.
So because one parent disagrees and one parent does the only reason that parent agrees is because they want to be the "cool" parent? Did it ever occur to you this lady was asked first...and perhaps just perhaps she either doesn't see the big deal or at one point had multiple piercings herself? And believe it or not most often people get tattoos and piercings for themselves and not to feel "cool" as you seem to think. I got mine because i liked the idea of them...and not because another friend had them. And while yes there are some kids who will do that i agree we have no idea on why this girl might have wanted it because her opinion isn't being voiced.
So because one parent disagrees and one parent does the only reason that parent agrees is because they want to be the "cool" parent? Did it ever occur to you this lady was asked first...and perhaps just perhaps she either doesn't see the big deal or at one point had multiple piercings herself? And believe it or not most often people get tattoos and piercings for themselves and not to feel "cool" as you seem to think. I got mine because i liked the idea of them...and not because another friend had them. And while yes there are some kids who will do that i agree we have no idea on why this girl might have wanted it because her opinion isn't being voiced.
See, you inadvertently just made my argument for me. Because tattoos became the rage a few years back, lots of people dashed out and got them, and it is ridiculous of you to assert that people didn't get them because they were in style. And only a few weeks ago, I sat in on a conversation where four different people talked about how they wished they hadn't gotten them.
One woman was pretty explicit about it, saying, "I wish I hadn't talked my parents into letting me get it. I look like I have a skin disease now." Essentially, tattoos have become the equivalent of a leisure suit that you can never take off again. And a lot of those tattoos are the result of brainless parents who succumbed to precisely the thinking you advocate.
Which is exactly my point. It is not the parent's job to fulfill every inane whim that pops into the teenager's mostly-empty head, whether it is jabbing an additional hole in her head or getting some stupid design permanently inked into your forearm. And if one parent objects strongly, then it is the other parent's job to listen and take those objections seriously. Once again, a stable marriage depends on that dynamic. Because the child is the guest in the parents' lives, while the marriage should be something that is permanent and not shaken by the whining of a sixteen-year-old.
So because one parent disagrees and one parent does the only reason that parent agrees is because they want to be the "cool" parent? Did it ever occur to you this lady was asked first...and perhaps just perhaps she either doesn't see the big deal or at one point had multiple piercings herself? And believe it or not most often people get tattoos and piercings for themselves and not to feel "cool" as you seem to think. I got mine because i liked the idea of them...and not because another friend had them. And while yes there are some kids who will do that i agree we have no idea on why this girl might have wanted it because her opinion isn't being voiced.
But look at the message it sends to tell the child to just ignore the other parent. The other parent doesn't matter, his or her views are just stupid after all. Cool comes first. I believe when one parent tells the child to ignore the wishes or rules of the other, it sends a terrible message to that child.
Parents can disagree on things between the parents or for the house. One wants the living room blue, the other wants it green - fine - argue all night about that - but the parents job is also to teach the child to respect the other parent. A united front does matter.
-- Also I think some crowd-following is perfectly fine. But it's up to the parents where they want to set limits. Just like 3 cupcakes or 3 doughnuts might be just fine - there is such a thing about setting some limits. The parents set those if the kid doesn't yet know how.
But look at the message it sends to tell the child to just ignore the other parent. The other parent doesn't matter, his or her views are just stupid after all. Cool comes first. I believe when one parent tells the child to ignore the wishes or rules of the other, it sends a terrible message to that child.
Parents can disagree on things between the parents or for the house. One wants the living room blue, the other wants it green - fine - argue all night about that - but the parents job is also to teach the child to respect the other parent. A united front does matter.
-- Also I think some crowd-following is perfectly fine. But it's up to the parents where they want to set limits. Just like 3 cupcakes or 3 doughnuts might be just fine - there is such a thing about setting some limits. The parents set those if the kid doesn't yet know how.
Absolutely. Because when one parent ignores the other parent's wishes, what it really does is teach the wrong things about marriage, namely that the shallow desires of a teenager should trump the values of one of the parents.
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