Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I can see a behavior chart, where you give your children X amount of stickers/stars for certain behaviors that you want your children to have and taking away X amount of stickers/stars for behavior you don't want them to have. Then at the end of a certain time, say a week, if they have X amount of stickers/stars they get a reward. This would be considered behavior modification.
To me a chore chart should be something that outlines what is expected of each person within the household to keep the household functioning properly. The rewards that come from a properly functioning home would be more free time to do things with friends and family.
If mommy has more time to take little Susie to her friend's house to play because mommy doesn't have to do all of the dishes, take out the trash, pick up and vaccum the living room, do the laundry, cook the meals, clean the bathroom, ...etc. then that is the reward for little Susie for doing her part to free up her mommy's time. Same thing with Little Johnny, if he does his part to free up daddy's time then daddy can spend more time throwing the football around with little Johnny.
Now if little Johnny and Susie went above and beyond what is expected of them, then I can see a more special reward than just having more free time. In this case I would most likely give them money so that they can have a little extra spending money when they are out with their friends and family because of all of the free time they have because they did their expected chores.
I think giving kids rewards for every little thing, can have some negatives. The one main negative I see is that they learn not to do something unless they get something in return instead of doing something just because it needs to be done and they are capable of doing it. When everything has a value that is not just self gratification, then we will eventually loose that spirit of good neighboring and just plain being helpful.
I agree. Things like cleaning up your own mess is a requirement, so it contributing to the household. Maybe put a purple star next to required jobs before rewards are even consitered. Say... you have to earn 4 purple stars before you can earn a point star?
We are pretty careful with the rewards we give our kids for chores. My kids are 7 & 9. Most of my friends have kids that are older. Some friends started out giving their kids pretty big rewards. This made the kids EXPECT more and more as they grew older. Now those kids are teenagers and EXPECT ALOT for very little in return.
I have other friends with teenagers that approached chores differently. We have adapted their approach like this: Each person in the house is expected to take care of the home. You are a part of this household and you will pull your own weight. Nothing in life is free, you have to work for everything. Everyday chores don't warrant an allowance. I tell them thank you, what a good job you did, etc. In order to play video games or watch tv programs, homework and chores have to be done. The kids get a small allowance for going above and beyond, like heavy yard/garden work, washing walls, washing baseboards, etc.
If the kids do a good job each week, we make a special treat for game night. Family game night is every Friday. We make an easy dinner and have snacks and lemonade for game night. My kids LOVE family game night and we buy a new board game every 4-6 weeks. When we go buy a game, we discuss that the kids have been good in school, worked hard around the house, etc. Working hard gets rewards. We are trying to instill a good work ethic.
We also do alot of outdoor things. A few times a month we will take a day trip. At the start of the week I tell the kids, if you work hard this week and get a good behavior report at school, then this weekend we will go here or here. Then I let them decide where to go. We pack a picnic lunch and are gone all day.
Little kids get super excited when rewarded with easy things. Baking a cake, going for a bike ride, feeding the birds at the park, having a cookie decorating party with their friends, etc. Everything you do together can be used as a teaching moment. We do chores together and talk. The kids help me load the dishwasher and we talk. My son helps my husband with yard work and taking care of the vehicles, etc and they talk. At age 7 he knows how to work power tools, how to check the oil and refill it, etc. I have an autistic child. She has the same expectations as my son. She HATES work, but she knows what is expected and sitting around is not an option.
I was a friends house recently and she asked her son, who is the same age as mine, to put something away for her. He said, 'What am I gonna get?' She then had to bargain with him for a reward. Her older kids bicker over every chore they do, but expect rewards. Its like pulling teeth just to do simple chores. They are super lazy kids. My 7 year old busts his butt and puts her teenagers to shame.
We only have a chore list and when they do everything on it properly, they get their set allowance. If they don't, no allowance.
This is very similar to what we do. We include things like behavior and expectations, too in addition to regular household chores. If they mess up throughout the week (talk back, get snotty, act rude or disrespectful, etc) they also stand to lose their allowance.
Our 14-year old has recently requested a raised allowance. This has presented us with a bit of an issue... do we raise both their allowances or do we just raise his and then little brother gets that amount when he is that age? Or do we just say no and keep things the same. Hmmmm...
We are pretty careful with the rewards we give our kids for chores. My kids are 7 & 9. Most of my friends have kids that are older. Some friends started out giving their kids pretty big rewards. This made the kids EXPECT more and more as they grew older. Now those kids are teenagers and EXPECT ALOT for very little in return.
I have other friends with teenagers that approached chores differently. We have adapted their approach like this: Each person in the house is expected to take care of the home. You are a part of this household and you will pull your own weight. Nothing in life is free, you have to work for everything. Everyday chores don't warrant an allowance. I tell them thank you, what a good job you did, etc. In order to play video games or watch tv programs, homework and chores have to be done. The kids get a small allowance for going above and beyond, like heavy yard/garden work, washing walls, washing baseboards, etc.
If the kids do a good job each week, we make a special treat for game night. Family game night is every Friday. We make an easy dinner and have snacks and lemonade for game night. My kids LOVE family game night and we buy a new board game every 4-6 weeks. When we go buy a game, we discuss that the kids have been good in school, worked hard around the house, etc. Working hard gets rewards. We are trying to instill a good work ethic.
We also do alot of outdoor things. A few times a month we will take a day trip. At the start of the week I tell the kids, if you work hard this week and get a good behavior report at school, then this weekend we will go here or here. Then I let them decide where to go. We pack a picnic lunch and are gone all day.
Little kids get super excited when rewarded with easy things. Baking a cake, going for a bike ride, feeding the birds at the park, having a cookie decorating party with their friends, etc. Everything you do together can be used as a teaching moment. We do chores together and talk. The kids help me load the dishwasher and we talk. My son helps my husband with yard work and taking care of the vehicles, etc and they talk. At age 7 he knows how to work power tools, how to check the oil and refill it, etc. I have an autistic child. She has the same expectations as my son. She HATES work, but she knows what is expected and sitting around is not an option.
I was a friends house recently and she asked her son, who is the same age as mine, to put something away for her. He said, 'What am I gonna get?' She then had to bargain with him for a reward. Her older kids bicker over every chore they do, but expect rewards. Its like pulling teeth just to do simple chores. They are super lazy kids. My 7 year old busts his butt and puts her teenagers to shame.
Now see this is what I was talking about. The reward of doing expected chores is having free time to do things with the family and or with friends. When everyone pitches in the work gets done much faster and there is time left in the day to do something fun. This is still teaching the kids good work ethics, without also teaching them that they should get something of some sort of monetary value every time they do something.
If there is no free time because not everyone pulled their weight around the house and left their chores up to others to do, then those are the consequences for not upholding your end. Can't have family game night or have free days to take special outings if mom is still cleaning toilets, or dad is still raking the yard.
I could see keeping track of how their attitude was while doing their chores, or when they were asked to do their chores. If their attitude was pleasant and they hopped to when first asked, then they get a sticker/star, if their attitude was rotten or they whined and complained then they lose a sticker/star. Then at the end of the week/month if they have collected so many stickers/stars then they get something extra special.
You could have a chart with required chores and extra chores. They get a star if they do an extra chore. But a star can be removed if they don't do a required chore.
Once they get 10 or how ever many stars, they can pick a treat from the jar. The jar could have dollar bills, matchbox cars, ponies, or "coupons" good for an outing.
Another idea would be that if they don't get a total of 10 stars for the week, they don't get the weekend treat - which might be a trip to the pool, going out for ice cream, etc.
Our 14-year old has recently requested a raised allowance. This has presented us with a bit of an issue... do we raise both their allowances or do we just raise his and then little brother gets that amount when he is that age? Or do we just say no and keep things the same. Hmmmm...
As far as if they get the same amount - I'd say the older one could get a little more assuming he is given more or harder chores. If they do the exact same chores, it might make sense to give them the same.
We have a chore chart of sorts, but there are no rewards associated with it. It is more to remind her of the different things she has to do each day. At 3 years old, her "chores" consist of things like getting dressed, brushing her teeth, washing her face, etc. If she is dilly-dallying in the morning, I can ask her to go check her chart to see which things she still needs to do. When she has completed the "chore", she moves it to the other side of the chart, so when all the chores are on the other side, we are ready to go out and do whatever we are going to do that day.
I have to say it took us several tries to find what worked for us. We started with a sticker chart, then changed it up several times. Its taken us several years to get to the point we are at now. I talked to alot of people along the way and many showed me their chore charts. They talked about expectations, work ethics, etc. One family with alot of kids has a color coded calendar just for chores. Another family has no chart or list, they fly by the seat of their pants. They were all very different so I picked out what I liked the best and tried to use those traits. We still have days when the kids whine about chores or we are tired and not much gets done. Those are few and far between.
As far as if they get the same amount - I'd say the older one could get a little more assuming he is given more or harder chores. If they do the exact same chores, it might make sense to give them the same.
Thank you! Yes they do the same chores. I'm thinking it might be time for a raise for both.
I'm curious, now, what sort of chores you all have for your kids? Here's our list (and this is a weekly list):
--------------------------------------
Everyday:
- keep room clean and tidied (toys and books put away) and beds made (unless you are sleeping in them )
- do your best in school, do homework and show it to mom or dad, do your required reading and journal writing
- remember the three R's: Respect yourself, Respect others, respect your environment (REMEMBER YOUR MANNERS!)
Throughout the week:
- clean bathrooms (They work it out amongst themselves as far as who does the toilet, the mirror, the counter, the sink, the floor, etc. I am a bit of a clean freak, and so the bathrooms get a good scrubbing about three times a week. They do it once (usually on Wednesday), and I do it twice (usually on Monday and Friday).)
- Take out trash and recycling when we ask you to.
- water and care for plants and garden
- pets: food, water, keep areas clean (we have cats and fish)
- Help with dinner dishes and cleanup
- Do your own laundry (wash, dry, put away)
- Dust and clean ceilings/blinds - look for cobwebs (They love this one. We have those swiffer dusters. My house is never dusty! lol)
- sanitize doorknobs (we use those clorox wipes)
- windex windows, mirrors, and sliding glass doors
--------------------------------------
That's pretty much it for now. I've been thinking lately of assigning them each a day where it's their job to cook dinner. I've been reluctant to start doing this because neither one of them like to cook... they help me but only when I ask. But, it's an important skill to learn so I will probably start that soon. Even if it's PBJ or hot dogs! They've gotta learn I suppose... even if they act like they can't stand it.
I'd like to start a chore chart for my kids. I would like to have rewards such as outing to pool but also monetary rewards. If you have done this, how did you differentiate with equating the chores that equalled a pool trip or the chores that equalled money earned? I am having trouble picturing how to post it on their board and how to explain it to them. I have a 5 and 6 year old.
Thanks all!!
We do not reward our kids for doing chores. We have always (from around age 2 or so) just expected them to help out around the house because they live here and everyone who lives here has to do their share of work. Their share of work has always been age appropriate. At 2 we would give them single things in the kitchen (like spoons) and ask them to put them in the drawer for us. Now that they are older (15, 13, 10) they unload the dishwasher unsupervised.
I do not think you should get your kids in the habit of being rewarded just for doing what they are supposed to do. Life is not like that. If they do extra things that are not just part of living in the house I pay them cash.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
