And I thought the terrible 2's were bad... (daycare, cartoon, punish)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My son. What can I say? He's a rambunctious little boy. The word 'mellow' could probably never be used to describe him at any time. He has always been a handful...it seems even before he could walk he was the most difficult of the three kids to manage. He's very tough and stubborn. If he wants something he's going to do everything in his power to get it. It doesn't seem to matter much that we tell him 'no' or 'don't do that'. He's going to try to do what he's going to do....we just have to be ready to chase him down and grab him before he does it. And when we grab him we have to be ready for a fight because he is big for his age and very strong....not as strong as me but he gives me a run for my money for sure.
He's 3 now and just started going to pre-school last week. He has been very excited about this for months! But when we go to take him it is absolutely NOT the thing he wants to do. He doesn't want to go....doesn't even want to get in the car....cries the whole way there in the car...fights to stay in the car when we get there...throws a huge fit when my wife tries to leave. On the first day he laid down in the floor and slept on a rug the entire time until he was picked up (we took pictures too).
Outside of this problem he's gotten more and more defiant. It's really bad. Been working on 'time out'. He doesn't particularly like 'time out'....as you would expect....but you have to practically sit on him to keep him in time out.
He yells in our faces and calls us names...nothing bad...but about all you'd figure a 3 yr old could come up with.
Yesterday I happened to be home for the day and was going to pick up our oldest from school. I had to take him with me. Normally he jumps at the chance to take a ride somewhere. NEVER likes being left behind....couldn't leave him behind anyway as there was no one to watch him. He screamed at me that, "IT'S NOT TIME!!!"....over....and over....and over....and over again...the...whole...way...there...and while we were sitting there waiting...over...and over...and over. To my requests for him to stop saying that and informing him that it WAS time to get his sister he was unresponsive....just kept saying it. I finally had to just get out of the car and close the door with him in there and stand outside of the car because I just couldn't deal. Did he need a nap you ask? He shouldn't have considering he had just had a 2.5 hr nap before that. And when he gets upset like this he wets himself...
...which brings me to...
...potty training.
Our middle child was difficult....we thought....but our son is just rediculus. How do you potty train a kid that doesn't care in the least that he has just pee'd his pants? We've got him to where he will go #2 in the potty (thank you lord)....but it's like he either doesn't have bladder control or doesn't care about soaking himself with urine. (Been working on potty training for 1 1/2 yrs now )
We've got our hands full.....even if it were just him and not 2 other kids. I don't know if there is a solution here...maybe I'm just needed to rant for a bit. Sometimes it's all I can do to not stick him in a FedEx box with a fake return address.
I hear ya... I was just thinking today, "so this is what a three year old is like... this is what everyone has been warning me about ." Everyone I know who has kids older then my daughter has told me that 3 is a really really trying age.
My dd has a very strong will and is also very sensitive. The amount of tears, screaming and drama over seemingly nothing has increased tons in the last few weeks. I'm attributing it to being a 3 year old. I know that I need to be reading up on 3 year old development right now since I know that what she's going through is normal (even though it makes me want to pull my hair out). I'm confident from what I've been told that this is a rough phase that will pass with time.
As for the potty training thing, this is what worked for us. My dd showed all of the signs of being ready for the potty and was really interested close to her 2nd birthday. I went out and bought her a potty seat which she sat on once or twice and then lost all interest. Close to her 3rd birthday we made a trip to the store and bought another potty seat in her favorite color that she picked out and we bought big girl underwear (she also picked this out) and stickers with her favorite cartoon character on them. Every time she went in the potty she got a sticker. I know that this is straight up bribery but it made it much more exciting for her to use the potty and it worked. FWIW I know a few 3 year old boys who haven't quite gotten the potty thing yet. It may just be that he's not ready.
My son was very difficult during that time period. He is delightful now (he's 15). As far as potty training, I told him I would change him until his 4th birthday and after that he was on his own. He loved diapers and had no interest in potty training, so that's what I told him just after he turned 3. 4th birthday I said that was it and he decided to use the potty instead of changing himself. I told him I didn't care which one he did, but it was all on him. (He used the potty and never had an accident.)
We also did not leave the house much during that time. He was in full time daycare which he loved (it was a very special school with special teachers - a great match for him - I lucked out - they gave him a lot of freedom - but the first 6 weeks were hell). He was however very particular about which roads I used driving home and if I used a road he didn't like to get home he would kick the back of the seat and have a tantrum and go crazy.
I got a lot of good advice from this forum: Early Childhood Zone - Support for parents and even got to know some of the parents in real life. I got lucky though and my son matured and grew out of all that, but some of these other parents of difficult kids, well, their kids never got better. It's a very supportive group. They refer to their difficult children as GFG's and their easy kids at PC.
I think the terrible twos last from 18 months-5 years! My younger son who just turned 4 spent all last year arguing with me that he didn't want to go w/ me to pick up his brother at school. At his 3rd birthday he didn't want anything to do with potty training. We had to skip a whole year of preschool because of it. He decided he wanted to do it a few months after his 3rd b-day but it has been a months long process. My older son is 6 and still needs a pull up over night. The doctor assures us that this is ok and we don't need to worry YET. I don't have any words of wisdom, except keep up the time outs and take away toys or fun outings or anything else that might work. You are not alone!
Oh, and give choices. I think the potty thing is a control thing. It is the only thing they can control. Give him control over what he wears, when you leave, give choices like "right now or in 5 minutes." Where you don't care what he picks. Let him pick a snack or whatever.
My son was very difficult during that time period. He is delightful now (he's 15). As far as potty training, I told him I would change him until his 4th birthday and after that he was on his own. He loved diapers and had no interest in potty training, so that's what I told him just after he turned 3. 4th birthday I said that was it and he decided to use the potty instead of changing himself. I told him I didn't care which one he did, but it was all on him. (He used the potty and never had an accident.)
I too had a difficult boy. He's now 7 and amazingly better, but still my own little PITA. I can tell you that potty training was similar to the above poster. At 3 1/2 he just started going(I stopped trying long before that) and never had an accident. As far as his personality. It is what it is. Pick your battles - it will get better -slowly but it will. Although its hard, when he is really crazy - I think - look at this and appreciate that one day you will relish this memory - because he cant be this age foreever. It does make me feel better.
3 is just a Terrible Two with practice... and 12 is just 11 more years of practice. 14 for most is "let me put them in a barrel and feed them through the bung hole...I will decide in 4 years to either let them out or push down Niagara Falls." Not all...but geez alot.
Mine were Angels with halos at 3-4-5...till about 8 or so. Then they both morphed into someone I didn't know anymore. At 14 my oldest was just plain a PITA. At 16 she is so much better at her Father's... he convinced her it would be so much more fun to live with him and his GF... Knock yourself out GF. Now she lives with GF cause her father is on the road..an over the road truck driver who is only home 4 days a month. AND he thinks she is a PITA now.. imagine that.
Last edited by okpondlady; 09-18-2009 at 06:15 PM..
Reason: completing my thoughts.
I couldn't read this thread and not reply. First of all, let me just say express my support towards you, mama. Threes is a difficult time. My son was a very strong-willed, spirited child. He is now 4 and let me tell you, what a world of difference!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all, I never spanked. Ever. And trust me, he was a very difficult child. Now, he is the most delightful human being in the world. I don't want to say that I attribute this to non-spanking, but I do wonder if he would make such a turn around if I did go down that road.
What helped me is lots of patience, lots of redirecting.
Let me ask you: how is he doing WHILE he is in daycare? What are the teachers saying? Maybe he really IS unhappy in that school? Listen to your child. I heard stories that children were really defiant prior to going to preschool every morning, and then once parents changed the school, so did the morning behavior.
Now that he is in school, he keeps all his emotions inside. When you pick him up, who is he going to let all those emotions out on? A person he feels the closest to. It's not a surprise to me that he is more difficult now that he started preschool. It's a common thing.
Also, potty training. Any good preschool will help with that!!! I could never do it on my own if it wasn't for our daycare. When I put him in school, he was not trained. They trained him there during the day, but he was there full days, though...
I worked at a preschool while my son was little. There were a few "High Maintenace" children. One in particular would try (and succeded once at 4 years old) to scale the 10 foot wooden fence at the back of the property. As he got older, he learned to use his words as his weapons in a debate rather than hitting. He.was.just.exhausting. But he was also a loving boy. We found that if we gave him responsibility, things went smoother. He needed to be told what he could do instead of what he couldn't do. He ended up being academically gifted and was just bored.
Another child, who ended up being my favorite (after son of course) was a fighter, a biter and a general PITA. there were many times I'd put him in a safe hold while he snotted all over me, called me names, and generally gave me all he had. This boy just needed a friend. He has two siblings, both had critical illnesses. He wanted attention because momma and daddy were worring about brother and sister. This boy spent many a night at my home with me and my son. I took him on vacations with us. This boy is now a teenager and has outgrown his temper tantrums, but he has always been "high maintenace" to his teacher and momma.
My son was always even keeled and knew that if he were to act like a brat, he would be punished (no spanking unless he was doing something stupid like running into the street... there are other ways to punish a child). I made sure he had oppritunities to be with other adults and children. We had a schedule, but I made sure not to let his schedule dictate my life. Life has unexpected twists.... he needed to learn how to roll with the punches.
At three, you should be able to talk to your child. An actual conversation where you can ask him why it isn't time yet or why he likes wet pants or why preschool is so bad. Ask and listen, you might not solve all the issues, but you can teach your son to vocalize his feelings and that is the first step to cutting down on the tantrums.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
(Been working on potty training for 1 1/2 yrs now 
)
." Everyone I know who has kids older then my daughter has told me that 3 is a really really trying age. 
