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I live in a high growth area, and I've worked with a lot of kids (all ages) who feel like they've lost their identity in their move. Some clam up and others start to rebel. Many are willing to make friends with whoever will sit with them at lunch. Overall, I know it's affected the schools' performance. Because there are so many personal and emotional distractions, kids aren't as academically interested. Has anyone experienced this or have the same concern?
When it comes to relocation, obviously different ages of kids are affected differently. Teens will likely have a tougher time.
But moving can be a huge upheaval to anyone of any age.
One of my kids' schools in Denver had a group of children who were from migrant worker families. I know it was frustrating for teachers and kids alike because of language and cultural barriers. If one flake of snow fell, the kids were kept home and a day of learning was lost. But gradually the differences fell away and the kids assimilated.
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Many are willing to make friends with whoever will sit with them at lunch.
I remember this! Hopefully, the student body can build on this rather than look upon it as a pathetic scenario. Openly discussing our disparity can be stimulating and interesting; soon we begin to notice likenesses instead.
Children who see their commonality and band together will be less distracted, and better able to concentrate on learning.
I agree that relocating can have different effects depending on the children, and the parents. My daughter is 19, but I think she was less disrupted by our move than I was!!! Granted, she misses her friends and some of the things that she grew up with in Cali, but she keeps saying North Carolina feels like home - and we've only been here 3 months.
On the other hand, I've known, and heard of children who were so traumatized by moving that they never really got their balance back. Sometimes there isn't an option and the children and parents have to find the best way to cope with it. We as a community also need to be aware of these situations and do what we can to help ease the stress and make it as welcoming as possible. Where there is a choice, I really hope that parents will think twice, and maybe cancel or at least postpone a move if the children aren't on board with it yet.
I was moved from Saskatoon Saskatchewan to Tucson, Arizona for my grade 9 year. It messed me up in a lot of ways. When I came home in grade 10 all my friends had gone on to different highschools and met new friends. I didn't really have many friends through the rest of high school.
On the other hand it was really neat seeing a different culture for a year. I have many good and bad memories!
(Sorry, I have to go shopping now or I would elaborate on the good and bad!)
My parents relocated me when I was 13 - you'd think it was horrible - but it was the best moe we could have ever done - and I thank them every chance I got
My son will be 8 when we move - I hope he fairs as well as I did
I grew up a military brat and missionary kid, so the effects of moving were not bad. Sure we missed friends but we quickly learned to adapt, as most humans have the ability of doing, and made new friends.
I feel that moving has made me into a bad person, or worse person. I definitely know that i have identity problems with who I am, and what i should be doing. I feel that i often am found wondering about things and situations. My first move was around age 7 from texas to MN. I learned to re adjust. making new friends, enjoying life. I was a custom to my new surroundings and it took about 1 year to feel like home. Three years later my family made another move. Again all of the problems were put back into my life. I was 11 at the time. This move seemed harder i had 2 sets of friends i still had not forgotten about and often felt like the kid who everyone referred to me as the kid who was from "MN". I develop relationship problems, not knowing who to be friends with and how to react to others. I became more quite and rebellious with every move. Always wanting to be a different person. I still dont understand why i want to do this. Anyways, after living in Memphis for 6 years my family moved again during my junior year of highschool. I can remember not caring that i moved. I felt like i had no friends in highschool, because i had distend myself from everyone. I quit playing sports and lost my focus. I started to fail in school. I think i started to give up and to this day am still struggling with that. But once we moved it has taken LOTS of time to adjust to my new surroundings living in IL now. I go to college and to this day am still the guy people associate with moving from Memphis. Its not so bad anymore, but i get told this once or twice a year now. To this day i don't know who I am or what i should be doing. I question everything and don't let my "instinct" guide me. Anyways i hope that shed some light.... but don't look at my life like it was horrible, i have definitely had some great times, this was just one thing that has held me back and i am struggling to overcome it.
In a lot of cases, kids tend to fret because their parents fret. A big move shouldn't be talked about for months, it should be talked about for three or four weeks. When parents begin stressing and talking about a major move months in advance, kids pick up on it and think they should be worrying as well, then stress out. That's a long time for a kid to worry about something. If the move is stressful for the parents, it will be stressful for the kids. If the move is looked at as an adventure for the parents, it will be viewed more as an adventure for the kids.
As mobile as society is these days, friends can be kept across country with the aid of a computer and the internet, not to mention phones. People seldom stay put for long periods of time like they used to, so there is never a school that hasn't taken in a 'new kid' at some point during the year.
I moved a lot as a kid. 13 states and Canada. I hated it as a child but love it as an adult. I roll with the punches. I can be thrown into any social situation and meet people. In my circle of friends I can tell the people that have lived in the same town their whole life. The do not adjust to a new scene as quickly as I do.
We have just moved my son who is twelve. He left his friends, sports team and a town we loved. I tell him anything that is hard and makes you grow as a person is better for you in the long run. It is good to go through hard situations. It makes you stronger. Life is not easy. Change and failure happen to all of us, what matters is if you pick yourself up or wallow in self-pity of "what might have been."
We recently left our friends in Florida. The good thing was that we moved closer to family.
I think it's been harder on me than the kids! We homeschool, and we went through a period where it was hard to meet friends, but now the kids are involved in different activities, and they are fine. They are 8 and 5. Our move was on short notice, so they only knew about it for a couple of weeks before we left. I agree that "change happens" is a good lesson to pass onto our children... my husband and I are pretty adventurous and adaptable, and so far, so are our children.
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Challenged not worried
