Are parents and kids closer today than a generation ago? (teenager, baby) - Parenting -Children, problems, school, daycare, behavior, age, teenagers, infants - City-Data Forum

Dingler · 05-30-2007, 01:20 PM

Every where I go today I see parents and their kids together. The parents are at all the kids many activities night after night. Or the kids and parents shop together over at the mall. Or they travel together. Or Mothers and daughters lunch together. When I was growing up 30 years most of my friends had very little to do with their parents and only talked when necessary. For all the talk about the breakdown in the family I see many of my friends with kids incredibly close. What is the truth?

pirate girl · 05-30-2007, 02:50 PM

I agree...... I was born in 1970 and I think that's when the selfish, career oriented 80s were taking root. Parents were more wrapped up in making money and acquiring "things" that ever before.

I didn't want my son to be a latchkey kid- and I never wanted him to take a backseat to my career. I resigned a Vice President position about 5 years ago and took a lesser job that allows me a flexible schedule and a home office. I have a house that's a little too small and I could upsize but I'd rather have what's important right now- peace of mind and the knowledge that my son is getting every bit of my time and attention that I can spare.

There will be plenty of time for career and material things when he is grown. In the meantime, I savor every moment with him, I enjoy my time on bleachers at his games, and I try to be available to him.

skoe · 05-30-2007, 03:32 PM

My teen son and I are very close. We love doing things together and in some ways he is one of my best friends. He has his social life as well that I stay away from and let him do his own thing but we always make sure there is mom, son time.

okaydorothy · 05-30-2007, 05:39 PM

I would hope I end up with a better relationship with my boys than my mother has with he children. I was also born in the 60's and it was a case of children are seen and not heard.

My boys are noisy, energetic, full of life boys.

I wouldnt have them any other way.
dorothy

MB2 · 05-30-2007, 06:32 PM

I was born 1969, and have a truly awesome relationship with my parents. Yes, and there was soem rough times, like the teenager rebellious stage...*sigh*

Anyway, my mom was a stay at home mom, and my dad was always gone, being a truck driver for a record company, supporting a family (mom, my grandma, 2 brothers and me), a house. Did a pretty damn good job, sacrafice, and love them both for it.
All 3 of us kids turned out great, and successful. I, however, was the only one needing a bit longer to figure it out, because I'm the spoiled baby and only girl, getting spoiled to death.

I have 1 son of my own, and he's 17 now. Just had to send him living with his father, because I couldn't handle him anymore. I guess we have a good relationship (I was a single mom), because he calls and tells me when he is doing drugs and drinks.....

So, as you can read, it is all relative, I guess........

Adream · 05-30-2007, 06:45 PM

I can't explain it, but our kids seem to like us. They actually like to spend time with us. My DD's tell me so much more than I ever told my DM. It's a blessing that I marvel at frequently and gratefully!

My oldest DD calls me regularly and gets upset that I don't call her more. (With her schedule I'm afraid to call her at work, or previously in class, so I tell her I'm easier to get ahold of & call me anytime).

My parents were wacky when I was growing up, and they are still wacky. I always dreaded having any similarities in relationship to my kids that I had with my parents. I'm very different from my parents, and so is my parenting. I did learn when to hold firm and draw clear boundaries - that DM did teach me.

golfgal · 06-01-2007, 05:49 AM

Parents do tend to participate in their kids' activities more these days then in the past but I don't think that is a good thing--way too much pressure on the kids to perform vs having fun and learning a skill. I do think that kids are seen more as a 'friend' and not a 'child' these days. Our kids do like to go places with us and do things with us and we do have fun together. We never went out with our parents growing up. That was 'grown-up time". We like being around our kids--not that we need to do that all the time but we do enjoy family time.

noplacelikeWA · 06-01-2007, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by golfgal

Parents do tend to participate in their kids' activities more these days then in the past but I don't think that is a good thing--way too much pressure on the kids to perform vs having fun and learning a skill. I do think that kids are seen more as a 'friend' and not a 'child' these days. Our kids do like to go places with us and do things with us and we do have fun together. We never went out with our parents growing up. That was 'grown-up time". We like being around our kids--not that we need to do that all the time but we do enjoy family time.

A parent should be a parent not just another buddy. As a stay at home, homeschooling mom I spend tons of time daily with my kids but I always make time for them to be alone, or alone with their siblings, and alone with neighborhood friends. They need times to "test their social wings" and I need my "grown-up time" too. We have lots of family time and they never hesitate to drop whatever they are doing with friends to go somewhere with me. I hate to see parents pressuring their kids to perform, especially when you can tell the kid is not having a good time. If your child is talented at something and has a true passion for it, they don't need pressure they just do it. I also believe that there are moments when children should be seen and not heard, its called respect for boundaries and we all need to learn this skill no matter how old we are.