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That said, on the other side, I know a few people who can't wait to get rid of their kids. Comments likes, I can't wait until they turn 18. So, I have to think, if you thinks kids are gifts, why do you want them to leave so soon?
That said, do you regret having kids?
It's sad when they leave but they have to leave.
When you first bring them home from the hospital, you cannot imagine ever letting them go, you decide you'll keep them forever.
When they are about 7 or 8 you can sometimes picture them living in the house next door. When they reach 13, you can sometimes picture them living down the street -- blocks away. At age 14 or 15, you can picture them on the other side of town or even in another state someday.
You won't regret having them if you have them for the right reasons. They are not possessions or pets that you can keep forever or get rid of when you feel like it. You should never have them because you want a free nurse for your elderly years or because you think you can raise "visitors" for later on.
You raise them because you want to be part of a family into the next generation. You have them because you want to love them and help them grow into independent adults. You have them because money and cruises aren't everything to you.
They'll tie you down but when they grow up and cut you free, it will almost break your heart and you wish you could have gone being tied down with them forever but at the same time you feel joy that they are free and independent, capable of going on without you.
Since nobody in person would ever admit this, I thought I would ask online anonymously.
I'm an young adult thinking about having kids one day, however the people that I talk to in person tell me how great their kids are, and that their babies are gifts. Which I completely understand becuz their babies, and I do likes my friends babies, but I'm not with them 24/7.
That said, on the other side, I know a few people who can't wait to get rid of their kids. Comments likes, I can't wait until they turn 18. So, I have to think, if you thinks kids are gifts, why do you want them to leave so soon?
That said, do you regret having kids?
If you are lucky enough to bare children because I cannot. I was injured in the Vietnam War and I do love children any way shape or attitude. We turned to the VA and they said everything is A-OK. My personal physican said I was the problem and because I have Agent Orange. Little could be done to cure me during that time and since that was a long time ago we often wish we could have had children...
I believe parents may need to think of their children as a part of themselves and a second generation of their parents. If they believe they had a good childhood then I am sure you will spend time with your children and show them the ethical way to go through life....
LOL... great little slaves! Cute. My mom & dad used to say... that's what I had you for! LOL
Seriously, the things you mention are just methods of teaching children how to be independent. Yup, I washed the dishes, took out the trash, mowed the lawn, grew a garden, harvested the veggies, cooked dinner, & plowed down a fence on my grandfathers tractor. My dad was a little upset that the next weekend he and my grandfather had to put the fence back up! LOL My sister and I chased butterflies.
I'm probably not the best daughter ever, but I certainly try to be respectful to my elders and 'keep my nose clean' as my dad used to say. My parents weren't as involved as I am with my kids nor as anal retentive as I am about education, but they were there when they could be. Since I'm a single mom I have to fill the space of 2 parents. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. Gosh, I guess I'm just human.
Well, it sounds to me like your parents did a great job raising you up ( you're proof enough of that ) and like they say, if you're not driving a farm tractor over a fence once in a while, you must not be doing very much farming.
I've noticed some posters are of the mistaken belief their children owe them something if they are successful in life, while others desperately wish their grown children would amount to something, anything besides the mess they turned into.
Parenting can be such a mixed bag even if we do everything right.
LV Drunk, you must have had an amazing relationship with your mom. I wrote previously about how my grown kids are now and I have no doubt, if I were to ever try suicide, they would be embarrassed of me and tell me to get it together. I taught them to be successful and strong. My son is the marketing director of a Fortune 500 company and lives in a 3 level home with a pool on a lake and spends most of his time traveling between Camelback in Phoenix or Naples. My daughter is the same with a 3 level home on a golf coarse that cars stop and admire, her own successful business and both have traveled thru Europe and ski at all the in places. I can generally count on seeing them during the major holidays if the other inlaws have not taken precedence. I do not depend on them in anyway, never would and look forward very much to relocating where I can develop more of a life and friend structure.
I did. We really were best friends. I also planned on taking care of her when she got older, but unfortunately she got cancer, and passed away a few years ago. I took care of disabled people, and seniors for years, and was very good at it.
I've debated about kids. I am actually too much of a selfish person for kids.
Like, I work way too hard for my money and I'm perfectly content spending it on just us. The idea of sacrificing things for myself to make their lives easier, sadly, doesn't appeal to me at all.
I think people in my situation are the ones who DO have kids and regret it. I know I would end up regretting it
I think my case is the same. Although I've contemplated the possibility (and there was a time, when I was too young to have them, that I really wanted them), I value my own individual, selfish freedom and comfort too much. I don't really like children (I love babies and toddlers, though), so I'm not so sure I'd be a great mother to them either. I want to be "the best" or not be at all.
I think my case is the same. Although I've contemplated the possibility (and there was a time, when I was too young to have them, that I really wanted them), I value my own individual, selfish freedom and comfort too much. I don't really like children (I love babies and toddlers, though), so I'm not so sure I'd be a great mother to them either. I want to be "the best" or not be at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basiliximab
Here's my take on it. I would never have children (nor do I want any) for a variety of reasons: they're too expensive (I like spending money on myself too much, and would not like the responsibility and worry of having someone else to depend on me for finances); the responsibility is too much; they're noisy (I love peaceful evenings/nights at home); I like staying up at night too, and if I have children, I'd most likely have to be up during the day;I don't have any nurturing instincts--never cared for babies or little kids, I wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do with them; I enjoy my freedom too much--if I wanted to take some time off work and head out east to visit some civil war sights I've been dying to see, I want to be able to do that in a heartbeat; that's pretty much all I can think of at the moment, but I'm sure there might be a few things I've left out.
Now, the downside is: when I'm older, I'm not going to have anyone there for me; maybe friends perhaps, or older sister/brother. But that's the only real disadvantage I see to all this (now, as someone mentioned before, their kids are all wrapped up in their own lives and don't visit too often; can you imagine if I sacrificed all of what I've said before just to have someone there for me when I'm older, and I don't even get that???? That would just be too much for me--I don't want to risk it). So, there's disadvantages and advantages to it all. I would suggest you sit down and write a list of all the reasons why you'd want to have kids, and all the reasons you don't. That might clear up some things for you.
I must say though--I do have the deepest respect for parents that take the time to raise their children. They are incredible people who make huge sacrifices and their children are damn lucky to have them.
I am so terribly sorry for you; this reminds me of my own relationship with my mother. She's my best friend. We now live many miles apart because of my fiance's job, but I call her like at least once a week, and I feel like I can talk to her about anything. In fact she's the only one that I can talk to if I'm having a bad day and I just need someone to talk to. When she dies, I'm going to feel so alone.
I respect and deeply admire those of you who recognize that they do not want children and opt for not having them. There are too many parents who do have children (you can have children for selfish reasons too) but then do not bother caring for them, and dedicate the time necessary for their development into wholesome human beings.
Having children is difficult, it is a 25/8 job and your heart can be broken on a daily basis but the rewards can be equally great and the gifts they bring are enough for me to say that NO I do not regret having children.
I too wonder why people who don't want children tend to always be here. It's kind of like me hating golf yet hanging out on a golf forum.
I have no regrets having dd. She's a teen now and I've cherished every stage of life w/ her. I never thought much before her the importance of creating the atmosphere of the home w/ love, forgiveness and laughter, and to encourage humor, appreciation, honesty and a sense of belonging. She makes dh and I complete!
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I took care of disabled people, and seniors for years, and was very good at it.
