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I have a 17 year old who has a history of issues. The main one has been an eating disorder, bipolar, anxiety, and lack of respect for ANY authority.
She has been in the hospital for treatment for all of these issue and I have taken her to professionals, psychologist, psychiatrist, dieticians for the past 5 year. I have spent all of my time and energy on her. I've also spent all my money on her and had to declare bankruptcy last year because I had to put her in a private school and ran up huge medical bills. I thought it would be well worth it if I helped her. I've tried to guide her, show her how to make decisions, promote my values. To no avail.
She lied to me for the past two years, while I was paying 9 grand a year on private school and working 2-3 jobs to be able to pay the tuition and hundreds of dollars on doctors and medication each month. She smoked pot for the past year and a half, drank, got "wasted" all the time.
Now, her last stint in the mental hospital for treatment, she met a 22 year old. She lied to me about staying with her friend over Halloween and instead went to this guy's hotel room and spent the night.
Now, I have told her that she has a choice: She can either live here by MY RULES or leave. She says that it's illegal for me to kick her out before she's 18. I say that then she has to live by my rules.
I have developed health issues through all of this. I have done anything and everything to help her, to get her help and to give her the resources to help herself. I don't know what else to do.
I have a call in to the juvenile sergeant and social services at our police department as well as working with the hospital, her therapist and psychiatrist.
I'm at my wits end. Any advice?
Biplolar isw a tough one.But i some timje wander about all those dignose these days based on symtoms.Bsically if she is truely bipolar its reswally not a police matter except for safety question.Mental health people will do little other than give her drugs to control the mood swings.
I don't think there are that many kids or adults with all these personality disorders, as these so-called "experts" claim.
It sounds like she has basically destroyed your life. Or rather, you allowed her to.
Take back the reins.....I don't know when you gave them up, but without discipline - FIRM discipline - kids will go absolutely wild. Especially these days, when they grow up around so much sex- and drug-saturated TV shows, and messages.....
Get the book, "Tough Love." Then follow it. Find a support group.
Lay down the law - and if she refuses to follow it, kick her ungrateful butt out on the street.
Quote:
She says that it's illegal for me to kick her out before she's 18.
Well, whoop-dee-doo! It's ALSO illegal to smoke pot! I'd find some pot in her room and tell her she can either follow MY rules, or you'll turn her (and her pot), in to DA POLICE.
I feel for you, but you should've put her in check long ago - but better late than never! Good luck, I hope you find some peace.
To the OP: not sure what state you're in, but in some states, 17 is still considered a minor and you can turn her over to the state. It's not ideal but they could put her in a treatment facility until she turns 18. I really have no great advice to give you other than I'm sorry for what you are going through and I hope that she gets well. Good luck.
Have you ever complained to her that you do everything for her and how hard you work,if not, ask her why did she lie to you,tell her your feelings.Don't do everything for her
I wish I shared other posters' optimism that turning her out at 18 will cause her to see the light and straighten up. Nonetheless, if the situation is as dire as you portray it, you may have no realistic alternatives for your own mental health and well-being than to send her on her way. If it comes down to that, let her know the door is always open if she needs help straightening out her life. As others have said, bipolar is just tough to deal with, both for the sufferers and those around them. If she won't get/stay on medication to treat it, it's unfortunately out of your hands.
well "singlemom" i am currently 17 and when i first turned 16 i started to have attitude making all the wrong friends helped me have that attitude. and she says that you can't kick her out?......i got kicked out of 2 different foster homes for 2 entirley different reasons then you daughters though, the social services HAS to put her into another home,,
Hope all goes well with you, kick her out....... you don't need all this stress from this girl.
yes, I handled a teen with tough love. His father and I did. He started using drugs and not coming home at night, no call, no idea if he was ok. Sometimes it was 2-3 nights in a row. We waited for him to come home and we laid down the law. He lived here or he didn't. If he lived with us, he followed our rules. He chose not to. We were devastated. It took 3 years, but he came home and asked for help.
The funny thing is, she did have the proper values by an early age. She was a great kid. Kind, empathetic, loving. Her worst fault was that she was a little selfish and bossy with her little sister. I was s stay at home mom and spent lots of time with her and taught her from the beginning. This nonsense started when she was in eighth grade. Before then, she was a model child. I kid you not, she was a great kid. Again, selfish and bossy with her sister, but otherwise a great kid, very smart and talented with lots of really nice friends. I just don't know how she did a 180.
If you were a stay at home mother then how did you work 2-3 jobs to pay the 9 grand a year for private schools? If you're a single mom, I'm sure it was tough on you - but she sounds like she has zero respect for you and has had no discipline. Kids grow up respecting parents or they don't and it's very difficult to teach them to respect you after age 15 or 16.
What I think the problem could be - if the mom was a single stay-at-home mother, there was no father in the picture or there was for a short time - maybe a bad marriage, marital discord which led to the mother becoming a single mom. Then when the child began acting out, the mother began to work 3 jobs and was never home -- going from stay at home parent to parent working 3 jobs to earn the extra $9,000 a year for private schools. A child used to having a mother in the home at all times to one who is gone at all times, plus no father around isn't going to have it easy.
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