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My 14 year old daughter got in BIG trouble for going to a 17 year old boy's house last week, after lying & saying she was at a girlfriend's house. This morning I got a call from her school principal, asking if I believed she was in school. Yes, she got on the bus, I told him. Well, he said another student was also missing & he believed they were together. He said he was going to his house( the 17 year old boy) and would call me back. Little bit later, he did & they were. She is now in ISS ( In School suspension) for 2 days.
I am absolutely LIVID. I had even had a conversation online w/ the boy after the last incident, telling him we wouldn't put up w/ anymore crap like that. Apparantly it didn't phase either of them. Please help me figure out the age of consent laws I linked above,I am so angry I can't see straight. Trying to find the kid's parents phone number which is unlisted. I do have their address however.
The boy is only 17, just three years older than your daughter and still a minor himself. They sound equally guilty of making mischief. Are you suggesting that he be held more responsible than your daughter based on his being a few years older? Unless he coerced her into doing something she was not comfortable doing, they deserve equal discipline for their actions.
Never mind, I got it.
The boy is a senior, she's a freshman. I guess I expected a senior to have a tad bit more sense, but I was wrong. He was warned,so was she. He isn't being punished, but she is. He's on Facebook laughing about it right now. I don't think he took me seriously when I told him she isn't allowed to date until she's 16. I guess I will have to make myself more clear.
Why isn't the boy also being punished? Presumably he skipped school as well.
Since you don't have the boy's phone number, you could just park outside his house and wait for his parents to come home. They might not care, though. I don't know whether any age of consent laws were broken or whether you can call the cops. Did you find the information you need?
High school kids do not see a distinction in age like we adults do, and frankly, three years of difference is not very much of a difference at that young age IMO. Rather than going after the boy, consider saving your anger and discipline for your own daughter, who appears to have participated in this mischief on her own accord. Let his own parents deal with his end. You can't expect a young man to follow your rules and expectations of your daughter when she isn't following them herself. It's disrespectful to you, of course ... but many young people just don't see it that way, unfortunately.
Teenaged hormones can get them into plenty of trouble, I'll tell you. It's a pretty rough time of parenting. Good luck to you.
PS: Maybe you should show your daughter how disrespectful this kid is by laughing about it on facebook. Tell her that that kind of disrespect will be shown for her, too. Maybe she'll change her tune about seeing him all on her own. Just a thought.
"Come on in boy sit on down And tell me about yourself So you like my daughter do you now? Yeah we think she's something else She's her daddy's girl Her momma's world She deserves respect That’s what she'll get Now ain't it son? Y’all go out and have some fun I'll see you when you get back Probably be up all night Still cleanin' this gun"
I think I'd invite him over for a talk and have some Facebook printouts to discuss. And a Louisville Slugger sitting there... maybe just for effect.
I have a 3 y.o. girl and may someday face what you're going through. I commented to my wife "Somewhere there's a small boy, maybe 6 or 7, who's a$$ someday I'm probably going to have to kick, maybe abuout 13 years from now." She just reminded me that while that may be true, I *am* 15 years older than she is. I'm afraid that someone just like me is going to show up for my daughter...
Looking at the Kansas statutes, it would appear that the boy could face some criminal liability. Your daughter is not yet 16 and so cannot give legal consent for any sexual activity; I also did not see any statutes allowing for an age differential that some states have. For example, some states don't consider it a criminal act when one party is within a certain number of years from the other party's age. Usually, it's 3 years. Statutory rape is a strict liability crime. All that a prosecutor needs to do is 1) your daughter is not 16 and 2) this boy had sex with her. Your daughter may be willing but it doesn't matter in the eyes of the law.
That said, my first stop would be to this boy's parents. I would begin to keep copies of all the Facebook postings. I would not correspond directly with the boy in any fashion. If you absolutely cannot find the parents on your own, I'd suggest hiring a lawyer to track them down and send them a very formal letter that puts them on notice of what their son is doing and what sort of liability may result.
You also certainly need to rein in your daughter. Her actions show a desire for more control.
I guess I'm in the minority here, but I just hate to see parents go militant against teenaged boys who are every bit as guilty as their teenaged daughters in participating in hanky-panky. They're teenagers. They often have raging uncontrollable hormones. Bringing charges or a restraining order against a teenaged boy for being just as guilty as one's daughter is unjust in many cases. It sends a message that it's ok for one sex to behave inappropriately without any repercussions while the other must be punished in a fashion that can affect them for the rest of their lives. Discipline and appropriate behavior starts at home with our own children. If you can't keep them in control, it's certainly not your place to try to control someone else's child.
This is not to say that I don't believe predatory behavior exists among older teenagers ... I'm not that naive. It does, and those situations really require a strong hand. I just feel it's wrong for parents to express outrage and demand punishment for behavior that their own child is equally guilty of. It reeks of "not MY child" mentality. There are plenty of methods to handle situations such as this without involving government entities, hiring lawyers, etc. This situation is an extremely common one among teenaged kids. Maybe a meeting with both sets of parents and both kids is a good place to start, rather than allowing anger to make the situation a much larger problem.
Again, just my opinion. I hope the OP finds a way to handle this problem that is fair for all involved.
Thanks for the help. I've cooled off a bit now, but still pretty angry. My daughter is normally a very good girl, great student, etc. This isn't like her at all. I used to be a "Wild Child" as a teen, & remember it well. I don't know if they are having sex, but it certainly is a concern! If the boy is online, he obviously didn't go back to school w/ the principal, like my daughter did. Maybe because he's 17, will be 18 in a few weeks. She was already grounded for being w/ him last Sunday & lost her cell,computer & landline privileges ,etc.
I can't beleive she thought she would get away w/ this. I have the boy's address, I think I will go talk to his parents when my husband gets home. I just wanted to be aware of the law, if it came to that.
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