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My DD11 was bullied in school last year by 2 other girls. The bullying was just "talk" and catty nonsense (no physical altercations). My DD had gone to the teacher but that didn't solve anything... the bullying continued and I had to get involved and get the Principal involved. The bullying stopped after that.
Well.... one of the females who bullied her is in her class again this year. She hasn't been bullying my daughter directly, but has made "comments" about her to other people loud enough for my daughter to hear. She's also been bullying another girl the same way she bullied my daughter last year.
Anyway, at this point, my daughter doesn't want to go to school and is actually afraid of this girl (the girl is about twice my daughter's weight and looks like a hog). I told my daughter she has to go to school and that if the girl comes directly to her, that she has to immediately tell a teacher or whatever adult is supervising them.
At this point, nothing has happened except for "talk"..... I really don't know what to do? Should I notify the teacher that the girl is starting her nonsense again? Or should I just let it sit until something escalates?
the girl is about twice my daughter's weight and looks like a hog
Bullying within pre-teen & teen girl groups is pretty common, but if the other girl is overweight and even you make comments like this, I wonder who is the true bully.
As a child who was a bit overweight, I was constantly picked on. I remember that the skinniest girls were the worst offenders. And if I stood up for myself by saying something mean back, they would run to the principal and their parents, claiming that I was the bully. I remember one girl's mother saying to the principal, "Look at her - of course she started it. "Angel" is so tiny, she would NEVER start something with THAT girl!" And yet her daughter was a cruel little b***h.
The language in your post reminded me of that girl and her mother. Of course, I'm sure YOUR child would never start something, but all the same... the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.
There is a lot of good info out there about bullying by girls. If the school doesn't believe it is a serious problem, use google and find the research describing the problem and show it to them. Find out what the school policy regarding bullying is; ask the counselor if they have a program regarding this type of bullying. Your daughter needs to be taught how to deal with this - basically the whole class needs to be empowered to stand up to the behavior and not tolerate it. Start there, don't ignore it. If another girl is being picked on, perhaps your daughter could befriend her and they could stick together.
Catty nonsense and subtle remarks are common at that age and you can't force everyone to be nice. Kids will also make the lives of tattlers difficult, it's not good to promote running to the teacher everytime someone makes a face at her because kids will then intentionally provoke her just to watch her run and tell on them. Also your daughter may subconsciously or consciously see the other girl as a big fat hog and that girl has picked up on that.
My DD11 was bullied in school last year by 2 other girls. The bullying was just "talk" and catty nonsense (no physical altercations). My DD had gone to the teacher but that didn't solve anything... the bullying continued and I had to get involved and get the Principal involved. The bullying stopped after that.
Well.... one of the females who bullied her is in her class again this year. She hasn't been bullying my daughter directly, but has made "comments" about her to other people loud enough for my daughter to hear. She's also been bullying another girl the same way she bullied my daughter last year.
Anyway, at this point, my daughter doesn't want to go to school and is actually afraid of this girl (the girl is about twice my daughter's weight and looks like a hog). I told my daughter she has to go to school and that if the girl comes directly to her, that she has to immediately tell a teacher or whatever adult is supervising them.
At this point, nothing has happened except for "talk"..... I really don't know what to do? Should I notify the teacher that the girl is starting her nonsense again? Or should I just let it sit until something escalates?
I would be really upset that the school even placed them in the same class again this year. That should be addressed with the prinicpal. And, I wouldn't wait for anything else to happen. I would schedule an appt. with the teacher, the prinicipal and the school guidance counselor all there together asap.
I would be heartbroken if any of my kids were bullied. Good luck to you and your daughter.
Have you taught your daughter that words only have the power she chooses to give them?
Have you taught her to look at the bully directly in the eyes and laugh and smile?
This is a disarming techniques, designed to remove the reward the bully gets from their behavior.
Does your daughter have any physical self-defense skills to build her confidence?
Does she know for certain that if the bully does physically attack, you will stand behind her, no matter what she needs to do to defend herself, even against the school administration? Nothing quite eats at a kid as the idea that Mom and Dad won't stand up against other adults when she is in the right.
Catty nonsense and subtle remarks are common at that age and you can't force everyone to be nice. Kids will also make the lives of tattlers difficult, it's not good to promote running to the teacher everytime someone makes a face at her because kids will then intentionally provoke her just to watch her run and tell on them. Also your daughter may subconsciously or consciously see the other girl as a big fat hog and that girl has picked up on that.
It should not be acceptable that 'girls will be girls' just as physical fighting at school should not be 'boys will be boys'. If this is a true bullying situation it goes way beyond a few catty remarks and should be dealt with. Add to that the new cyber bullying phenomena, and this can be very hurtful and damaging. Mom is right to take a look at it and not sweep it under the rug. Fine line probably between that and over reacting, which is why the school as a whole should address the issue and empower the whole student body to stand up to bullying in any form.
Add to that the new cyber bullying phenomena, and this can be very hurtful and damaging.
I just witnessed some of this recently on my childs page. They were not the target but I was disgusted with the cruelness and foul language I read. I wondered if any of the parents of these kids had any idea that their children were posting such cruelty and language.
Our schools have zero tolerance for bullying but I am sure it goes on. Like you say, it is subtle. There is bullying by 'exclusion' which is far more common.
We live in a society of 'dog eat dog' and few people are taught compassion for others.
Being different is bad.
All we can do is talk to our kids about how they should celebrate their diversity, and yes, we all get picked on sometimes. Does it cause psychological damage to some people. Definitely. I see it every day how it effects certain people close to me.
It should not be acceptable that 'girls will be girls' just as physical fighting at school should not be 'boys will be boys'. If this is a true bullying situation it goes way beyond a few catty remarks and should be dealt with.
From the OP:
Quote:
Originally Posted by omigawd
My DD11 was bullied in school last year by 2 other girls. The bullying was just "talk" and catty nonsense (no physical altercations).
I agree that sometimes there's not a lot to be done. If a girl is saying nasty things, running to the teacher each time is not going to do much good. Girls say these things in the hallway, when changing for gym, in the bathroom, after school, and so on. The way to deal with mean girls is to stand up to them and ignore them.
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