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My parents talked us to death with calm lectures that were endless torture.......
I guess it must be a hard job being a parent. They do what they could. Sometimes it might worked whereas it might not. It's a risk one takes.
I don't want kids but if I somehow had one, I would be patience and not resort to hitting him/her. Yes now, I see spanking as hitting, it is. My bet is that a adult wouldn't do that to another adult.
That's like a woman slapping her teenage son in the face for bad-mouthing her. She still hit him. Period.. no excuse... She could have walked away until son is calm and then explained later on how she doesn't tolerate that behavior, apply consequences (doesn't mean you have to go directly to slapping) but not resorting to losing control and hitting...
How unfortunate. Do you wanna know what I learned? I learned that you do not act out in a restaurant or public place. I don't care if it is Taco Bell, there is no reason on earth to create a scene in a public place. EVER.
I also learned that if my sister and I were faced with a whoopin', she would lie to get out of it. That's valuable information right there.
I also learned that you should never laugh at your mother after she hits you with the belt, she will then break the unbreakable hairbrush on your behind, you wind up with an extension cord. This causes dad to buy the 3 inch thick paddle. Which then causes the absurd announcement: This will hurt me more than it hurts you.
I also learned that if you were told to be home at a certain time and you don't show up, AND your not where you said you would be, this causes extreme fear and panic. This means that once it is assured that you are 100% ok, you will get the beating. I am 10 minutes early to every appointment.
Now, I have spanked my child. However, we are now at an age where its not necessary.
When my parents yelled at me I knew they "meant business". I hated to see them mad so I would behave. If they instead chose to nicely put me in a time-out I probably would act out again because really what's the consequence? Sit in a corner-big deal.
Yes it's the easier way but see not every child will be the same. For me, yes I can say I was well-behaved though later on as I was becoming a teenager there were times I had gotten into fights (though with girls as boys would not fight us). As I was growing up, there were times I had a difficult time with self-control and was becoming a yeller as well. I was trying so hard but those impulses would kick in me and it's like you're fighting what you were impose most of your life...
In the end, all it did was learning to repress it but if the triggers come up, then all that repressed emotions that were bottled up will manifest within you.
Example: Little kids gets spanked or yelled at for behaving bad in school. He grows up ok but when asked why is bad behavior not acceptable in general then what is he going to answer?
I got spanked a couple of times in my day. Of course then, I didn't like it, but looking back on it a few years later, I knew I deserved it. Spankings consisted of a few swats with a clothed bottom and open hand (unless we were really out of control.. then we'd get the wooden spoon) My parents always made sure to explain what we did wrong. What you're describing is BEATING. Spanking shouldn't being about wearing the kid out..I'm sorry that spankings were a traumatic experience for you, but if they are administered correctly, they shouldn't be at all traumatic.
We can talk all day long about the things we will do as parents and how we will handle things as they come up but at the end of the day when you finally become a parent half of it goes out the window.
My parents whooped me (mostly my mom) with lots of things, belts, 2X2's, hands. Was I beaten to the point of child abuse? Probably not. Do I think it was right? No. Do I blame them all these later for my lack of bonding with men or women, or my temper, or that sometimes I just don't like myself? No, because I don't have any of those issues. I realized when I moved out that my life, was just that, my life and how it turned out was up to me. I could sit around whining about how I was treated as a child or I could move on. There were many more instances in my childhood that were worse than the beatings and I don't think about those either. What good does it do to hang on to it? It would only be hurting me. I choose not to put myself through that.
As far as spanking my own children? I've smacked their hands (around ages 1-4) when they are reaching for something dangerous and I've popped them on the behind. IMO spanking isn't really useful in most behavior problems and not useful at all once they can understand what you are saying to them. So I guess I am not really anti-spanking but I'm not for it either in most cases.
I'm wondering if somehow I happened to be the one spankee against spanking. Meaning that you got spanked as a very small child (age 7 was like the last time for me) but do not favor spanking on a child... I'm more disgusted with the idea of using belts or objects on a child than if it was the hands.. If it's a girl child, even worst.. Girls get hurt more than the boys, so means if not careful you can bruised them easily.....
I do love my father (as I love mother as well), but I feel there was no need for using a belt on me, plus at times it was done out of frustration with the same amount of force a boy would have received. My mother was the one who was against it but in the end, it was my father that ruled it out. She couldn't do anything. But see after my younger brother came along (now he's age 7 and I off course I'm already an adult), then she started using it on him at times (not much, few) but mainly in anger or frustration.
There was this point I once was angry at my father for overdoing it on my little younger with a belt (he was 3 or 4 back then). It was done in anger and frustration as well. It was one time he dropped an empty coffee maker. Yes it was a dangerous situation. Had that coffee maker had hot coffee, my younger would have had possible burns..
Anyways he used the belt and keep going on till his behind and part of his legs was a bit swollen. That was too much IMO.... Even my mother was angry as well. According to him, he latter states how he was damn scare that he could have gotten burned if there was hot coffee or the broken glasses fall at him that he got all mad....
I'm trying to think what I learned from it but I find nothing.. Only thing I find I learned is... unresolved issues I'm dealing with, my views on men, relationships, self-control once in a while (thought I somewhat mastered it) and not wanting to have kids either....
My Father used to spank me, brush my mouth out with soap at an age that I had no idea what I was saying was wrong, I had overheard my brother say it but he, 10 years older then me didn't get in trouble. My favorite was when my Dad would cut a switch and beat my legs so hard they would bleed and then they would send me to school in a dress so everyone could see my shame and not one teacher said or did anything.
My Father when I was in high school graduated to hitting me with his fists, my Mother with a wooden measuring stick.
My brother was allowed to do unspeakable things, when I begged for them to make him stop, they ignored me. He would take a wet towel and pop me with it over and over again until it left whelts on me, again this was observed by my Mother and Father and nothing was done. My sister who is 17 years older then me was also allowed free reign with me. I finally felt some justification when in my Mothers older years my sister went into orbit over something stupid (as was so typical), my Mother told me later she was affraid of my sister and feared that my sister would hit her, my Mother. I wanted to ask my Mother, now do you see what I grew up with? By then my Mother was so old, there didn't seem to be a point in it.
At times it was so bad, I wanted to die, I never thought I would get away from these people. I went home to Texas last Christmas (to see my Mother who is very old now and very mellow, kinder then she ever was when I was growing up) and my brother came after me with a loaded rifle. Some things never change.
AND people wonder why I am a nervous wreck, popping panic attacks now that I am an adult, at least that is without the medication I take.
Sorry to hear that Lindsey_Mcfarren. There's nothing worst than being abused by your own parents or them watching an older sibling doing that while they just stand there. There's no excuse on doing that to a kid. Some people shouldn't even be parents if all they do is place fear on the kid or belittle them. What's the point then?
There was no point I was surprised about how my father stated the belt was nothing comparing to getting hit with a ruler in school on each finger enough to make it swollen or a hard leather material (according to him it was worst than a belt) used on him by both his mother as a small kid on few occassions and later on the older sibling. It was mainly his older brother (15 years older) who would busted him either with a belt or hard strap whenever he was misbehaving, leaving some welts until he started hitting him back as he was approaching age 15. So yes, I can see where he's coming from. What his brother did would now be child abuse for sure as well as the school using a ruler.
As for moving on with my life and not hanging on to the past, yes skatar I see your point. I'll follow my own path. Some people have the ability to get over something faster than others. I just felt like sharing this, wanted to get it over with and then proceed on how to live my life. I'm 22 already..
My parents talked us to death with calm lectures that were endless torture.......
Hopes - your memory is exactly what I intend my children to complain of.
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