The right age to have children (babysit, ideas, teens, divorced)
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DMS0309 - Well - you may be right that "you never know when your time is up" but on the other hand - you also never know what is around the corner. I personally think it is a good idea to have some form of education completed (whether it is college or a trade school or something) that enables you to provide for yourself if needed. (Actually, I think that is important even before marriage but that's not where you are or what you are asking...). You don't know what's around the corner - you don't know if your husband will get laid off or become ill or whatever. Would you be able to provide for the family if you needed to? I don't think you necessarily need to wait until you are in your 30's but having an education, skill, or training will NEVER hurt you. If you are currently a student, I would definitely finish that part of your life up first. Enjoy where you are now and no need to rush things - believe me it starts to go by faster every year we are here....
I guess I just have to think about it more, But I do feel that waiting until im completly done with college probably wont happen for me. Thats just my personal opinion. There is really no rush on having kids its just our preference on what age we feel we will be ready and financially able to have them. My husband has already established his career and is moving up in his line of work quickly. He makes good money now and im sure in the future he will move up more. But im still deciding on what I would like to do, But I do have a full time job that has benifits and I could see myself staying there for awhile. I also make decent money and our schedules work out to where we would not need much day care in the future.
I do agree that time does go by fater and faster. I think I will finish my associates degree before I have kids but thats not a full degree. So I will have somthing but not all of my education done. Family is important to me and instead of living my life in what ifs I think its better to live life for now and to do the things that make you happy with out being reckless or completly out of control ofcourse. MACIESMOM: You do make a good point with anything can happen. So I do think preparing for the worst is always somthing that should be done.
MACIESMOM: That is true, The only reason I say these things is because when I tell people in my life now (Family Friends ect.) That I want to have kids probably within the next year year and a half(when im 20 close to 21) they always say the same thing, Finish college first or your never going anywhere. Or like you cant have kids that young Ect ect. I have always wanted kids young. Being a mom is probably my dream because it is just an amazing thing to be a mom and have your own family that you made and you take responsibility for a care for. Im not a normally 19 year old I think, I dont drink or smoke do drugs or go out clubbing. I got married this past march when I was 19 and I where as I do still want to go to college I want a family more. People always tell me that you have all the time in the world why rush, but you never know when your time is up and its not like my time frame will put me in a hole. I have this whole year to save and prepare and also the nine months I will be carring the child. So to me thats plenty of time to get ready. Actually more then enough time. I just wanted advise from other moms or other people on what they think about having kids young...turns out I was right, If im ready and my husband is ready then who cares if other people think I should wait until im in my 30s.
Thank you guys for your advice.
It's not about whether or not you're wild (although don't know if the typical 19 or 20 year old is as wild as you think, either...) it's that if you're going to spend the money and effort to go to college then it seems wise to first finish that up and then have kids. If you don't want to finish college then it's a different story. We're not talking about waiting until you're thirty; it's a difference of a couple of years. And no, of course you shouldn't worry too much about what other people think, but as someone who has had a kid and who has gone to college (although not at the same time) I can say from that personal experience that the short delay would be worth it in the long-run. If you are 20 and not in college (or finishing college) and don't expect to be in the near future then it's a different story.
ETA: I didn't see your most recent post; it sounds like you won't be trying to balance college and a newborn, which should make life much easier. Trying to balance work and a baby is tough enough, but that would be the case regardless of age.
Well I didnt think that children ruins peoples lives but I hear people say that, oh she got pregnant so younge her life is over and I think that its a little stupid. . . and for DRJONES96 I ment College, I would never recomend having a baby in high school thats a little to young. I ment around 20 or 21 years of age having a child. I personaly am married and me and my husband both want children in 2 years or less. We both agree on it completly. I understand that a babys needs comes before your own, and I am fully prepared to be patient and care for a child when we have them. And yes I do want to be financially stable when we bring a baby into the picture because babys do cost money. I was just curious of why some people think having a baby at 20 or 21 is a dealth sentence. Why is it socially unexceptable to have a baby that young now a days?
Ruin your life? No. (that's really silly)
Change your life? Absolutely
Your life as you know it will no longer exist after you have children. Your life is not your own when you have children. After you have children your existance is solely for the sustainment of their lives....not your own.
You may think you understand the gravity of this but I really think you need to talk candidly to other young parents about what their lives are like. Don't ask for the rose colored glasses view. Ask for the "how much sleep have you lost, how many times have you overdrafted your bank acct to pay for formula and daipers, how many times did you actually go out to eat last month, how many times did you have sex with your spouse....etc etc etc" view. If you dig deep you will find...dare I say it....regret.
Don't think about it like you are serving your sentance early and getting it overwith. Lots of people think that after that child's 18th birthday it's 'hands-off' time....well....it doesn't work that way in most cases. Invariably you will remain their parent until death do you part. And lets not forget when they get to be your age and decide that you are going to be a grandma....who babysits for free.
People probably aren't really saying that you are actually ruining your life in the same sense that you think they mean. What they actually mean is that you are setting off a chain of events that cannot be undone (unless you are immoral enough to have a child on purpose and then when you cannot handle it you put it up for addoption). You will have taken your youth and clobbered it over the head with a shovel and buried it never to return again.
I bolded a line above in your quote. You need to talk to him.....for real....and ask him if he understands what having a child really means. I can honestly say....I didn't understand it completely. There is no way I could have without going through it myself. Nobody gave me the unvarnished view.
MACIESMOM: That is true, The only reason I say these things is because when I tell people in my life now (Family Friends ect.) That I want to have kids probably within the next year year and a half(when im 20 close to 21) they always say the same thing, Finish college first or your never going anywhere. Or like you cant have kids that young Ect ect. I have always wanted kids young. Being a mom is probably my dream because it is just an amazing thing to be a mom and have your own family that you made and you take responsibility for a care for. Im not a normally 19 year old I think, I dont drink or smoke do drugs or go out clubbing. I got married this past march when I was 19 and I where as I do still want to go to college I want a family more. People always tell me that you have all the time in the world why rush, but you never know when your time is up and its not like my time frame will put me in a hole. I have this whole year to save and prepare and also the nine months I will be carring the child. So to me thats plenty of time to get ready. Actually more then enough time. I just wanted advise from other moms or other people on what they think about having kids young...turns out I was right, If im ready and my husband is ready then who cares if other people think I should wait until im in my 30s.
Thank you guys for your advice.
It is no one's choice but your own, but I'm one who doesn't think it is a good idea at such a young age. I guess if you plan to stay home, and your spouse can provide financially for all of you, it could be fine. If you plan to work and use day care, you should look into the cost. Any more than 2 kids, and even with a college degree the cost of daycare would take all of my income. And, not to be a total "Debbie Downer" but, what if things don't work out with you and your husband? then you are a single mom without a college education. Back to the cost of daycare...
It is no one's choice but your own, but I'm one who doesn't think it is a good idea at such a young age. I guess if you plan to stay home, and your spouse can provide financially for all of you, it could be fine. If you plan to work and use day care, you should look into the cost. Any more than 2 kids, and even with a college degree the cost of daycare would take all of my income. And, not to be a total "Debbie Downer" but, what if things don't work out with you and your husband? then you are a single mom without a college education. Back to the cost of daycare...
DRJONES96: You made some amazing points. I do have plenty of friends with children they never planned and talking to them and asking the hard hitting questions is somthing I never thought really about untill you suggested it. I also understand the giving up your youth part and I am aware that things will no longer be about me and my life will be my child forever. My mom is still here for me and my 30 year old sister. I see how she still helps us or still is involved in our lives and still has to be a mom even though her kids are adults. I do know that I will still need to think and talk to my husband about the situation but I 100% do not look at it as getting it over with in any way. Children are a gift and somthing that I look forward to because I want a family. Not because I want to get it over with and say that I have done it. You did make some strong points but I think that a lot can change in a year. Good and bad things can happen so when that time comes I know I will either be ready or not for children and then ill figure out college and what ever else needs to be adressed before so.
I do agree that time does go by fater and faster. I think I will finish my associates degree before I have kids but thats not a full degree. So I will have somthing but not all of my education done. Family is important to me and instead of living my life in what ifs I think its better to live life for now and to do the things that make you happy with out being reckless or completly out of control ofcourse. MACIESMOM: You do make a good point with anything can happen. So I do think preparing for the worst is always somthing that should be done.
^I have 3 kids at home. They mean the world to my wife and I. She had her first at 19 yrs old and she's 12 yrs old now (not mine but I've been her step dad since she was 4 yrs old).
My wife is trying to go to school right now to become a nurse. At times we've both thought about throwing in the towel because of how difficult it is to manage class and 3 kids. The classes themselves aren't hard. It's trying to manage everything else. We feel like we're spiraling out of control most of the time.
Think hard.
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