I was pretty mortified today (race related)

[born in Dodge]

Please don't berate your child because his statement was neutral to him. With my son (on the same spectrum as yours) I model how to word his questions and them ask him to repeat it. Sometimes I get other family members to play different parts, like a skit. Older siblings or cousins can be great. Remember, his comment was innocent, it's just time for
some loving guidance.

[Omaha Rocks]

Originally Posted by militarymom

I have a 6 yo boy who likely has aspergers so he doesn't always understand social situations.....but that said, sheesh, I was mortified today. We were out and my son announces "mom there are alot of 'brown' people here". Ugh. sigh.

This is the second time this has happened. The first time I thought not much of it only because his best friend happens to be african american, and when he said it he didn't know the name of the child and when he doesn't, he tends to describe the person for instance he will say "mom the girl with blonde hair over there" instead of just telling me "hey mom, cindy did this or that". NOT that it makes it OK, I just understand he doesn't always understand what he should do and what is socially acceptable.

I told him in private later that it wasn't nice or polite to announce what people look like because it doesn't matter. You aren't to say "fat" skinny" "black" "white" etc and if he had questions he can ask me in private because doing that may make someone feel bad if they think he is talking about them. My husband and I never talk about race, we live in a very diverse area, half of our neighbors are of a different race and its not like my child has never seen, or gone to school, or played with other kids who may not be white. I suppose I assumed that his being around a diverse group of kids at school and in our neighborhood this wouldn't happen. He's not racist although I betcha the one gentleman who heard this go down today thought what awful parents we were and unfortunately all I did was apologize and say "he doesn't understand".

So what can I tell my son? Is there anything that I am should be explaining? He cried and felt awful (you could tell by the look on his face) when I was explaining the 'rules' because he honestly didn't understand and was not at all expecting the reaction that he got from me. Again this is the second time this has happened though and although he seems to understand when we discuss it in private, he doesn't have any inner diaologue and Im unsure when he may learn to get it (if ever). To him it seems like he was simply making an innocent observation not understanding how he may hurt someone. Can any other parent of a child on the spectrum help me out here?

thoughts? ideas? thanks!!

I think the key here is Aspergers Syndrome, and his lack of inner dialogue - making it nearly impossible to not share his unfiltered thoughts out loud.

He's obvious not malicious about this, so my guess is that the best you're going to do is try to help him speak in "inside voice" instead of just blurting everything out at full volume.

[JC JC Mom]

My Daughter was about 4-5 when we were in the grocery store and this muslim women was shopping and she was cover from head to toe the only thing you could see where her eyes. So my daughter very loudly say why is she so scary. I continued to push her a long and just told her she's not scary that the way she's dress and that saying someone is scary just because of thier clothes can really hurt someones feeling and just kept on with my shopping no over explanation not chastising they are kids and dont always know how to say things. its going to happen I really wouldnt worry about it.