Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was close to my cousins when I was young but only because they were some of the few kids I got to hang out with and they all lived a couple blocks away. As we got older we stopped being close because we were entirely different people with nothing at all in common except family. Some of them I haven't seen in over 15 years and we all live within 30 minutes of each other.
My kids have 2 cousins that live out of state and they have only seen them a handful of times. They are really different (big city kids from CA vs small town farm kids from Iowa) and now that mine are adults they will probably never see each other again.
I haven't seen one of my cousins in 15 years, and don't know if I would recognize him if I did. I don't know the names of all my parent's cousins. Granted, most of this is because our family is scattered. It would be nice to know my cousins better, but it's not the end of the world that I don't. I have seen other cousins more recently, and it's been nice to be able to share family stories. Even if we have nothing else in common we do share family ties, and whenever I do see them it's nice to have that bond.
Your daughter has a different situation since it sounds like you all live in the same town. I wouldn't worry about it; it sounds as simple as they have different personalities. It sounds like they get along fine, but obviously they're just not meant to be best friends at this point in time. And also keep in mind that while they might not be close friends now, that doesn't mean that they won't become better friends later in life; if and when they have kids, for example, maybe they'll grow closer. They'll have the comfort and security that comes from knowing each other since birth (I'm assuming) and of being family, and that can be a different relationship than friendship. Then again, they may drift apart after college and rarely see each other in the future, and that's okay, too. Or they could drift apart, become very close later (because sometimes it's nice to have friends who have very different lifestyles, and different as their lives may be they'll still share common memories, even if only of dinners like the one you're going to tonight, and relatives).
On my mother's side my cousins and I (4 of them within 5 years of each other) are not close at all, and have never been. We're cordial, sure--and since things like Facebook now exist we sort of keep in touch, but we're quite different from each other. I have no desire to get to know them better, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
On my father's side I couldn't even tell you half of their names, nevermind their whereabouts. All I know is that one, unfortunately, has Lou Gehrig's Disease. That's it.
I know my parents lament why my husband and my sister's husband aren't closer and have said it to me numerous times. They kind of live in a Hallmark life sometimes...they listen to their friends who say "our kids all get along, they love their in laws, they do this, do that.." and get annoyed we are not like that.
We all have our own problems and issues. I am close with my sister but she has major family and financial problems. So do we (finances). When we do talk (we live in different states) we wind up 'bitching' most of the time and that is draining...
Again, kids will befriend who they want. Let it go.
I understand the desire to have a loving extended family... That helps each other out in thick and thin... The emotional support, the businesses with loyal employees, - family. The chance for the youngsters to get their fist jobs at uncles/aunties, the chance for the older people to avoid being jobless... I marvel at such family businesses when I see them. To me, it's an ideal life. But, they are not many.
When we were younger me and my sister were close with 1 cousin, maybe because she lived in the house attached (duplex) to ours, and out other cousin lived about 45 minutes away... but as you get older your life takes you to different places and sometimes you drift apart, marriage, kids, jobs, etc.
We all still love each other, but really haven't seen each other in a long time....ugh, only funerals seem to bring family together, which is sad...
I would no worry that your kids are not close to thier cousins, remember you PICK your friends, not your family.
I am not making them be friends- I think it is just an interesting that they are so different and I am so glad that they are- it's what makes the world go round. They really have never done anything together since they were little girls- and they do like each other when they are together- There is another set of 1st cousins and they do ALOT together and I just have always wodnered why these 2 aren't like that-
People have different likes and dislikes...just like any other set of people. Even if they DO have things in common, there's nothing saying they have to or should hang out.
I have a lot of first cousins and have things in common with many of them. We get along fantastically at family gatherings but I don't hang out with them outside of the family stuff. I would surely have their backs if necessary and would do anything for them, but yet I don't feel the need to be their best bud.
Just be thankful for them getting along at all...and try not to let it bother you
While three of the families lived in the same town, they really only saw each other on their grandparent's birthdays and the major holidays. They never hung out together nor had the same friends.
Fast forward 40 years later...all the cousins know where each other are, and a constant stream of communication is flowing at all times.
They not only love each other they actually LIKE each other. The get-togethers are great fun. Of course our children that aren't "there" yet just don't get it. They will one day.
I wish this for your DD.
Oh and my one blood cousin? I saw him once about 7 years ago and before that it had been 25 years. It's all good tho.
I disagree. It's so important for cousins to be close or at least give it your best shot. Family bonds run deep and most times are unbreakable. I'm 27, I have 5 first cousins on mom's side from the ages of 13-18. When I came home from college they were kids and barely new me. I decided at 22/23 that Not only did I want to become close with them, I wanted them to be very close with eachother. They all have very different personalities (the funny jock, the skater kid, the artsy/super smart one, the popular one and the ecentric/fashionable one.) I decided that once a month I would have them all sleep at my place and we'd play games, eat junk food, watch movies, talk about our lives (basically I made a super fun sleepover about them) that went on for several years. Now one is away in school and the rest in high school so once a month is not practical but I make sure we have at least 4 a year and try to get them together for dinner/movie when sleepover is impractical. The bonds that we formed by doing this the past 5 years is unbelievable. We are so close, and I know it will always be that way. Although different, they have a blast with one another and most importantly they trust each-other. They love me, still want to hang out with me (despite age diff), confide in me and they know they can always come to me with anything. I cant imagine my life with out the 5 of them, i love them so much. It's amazing really and all it took was some effort and time, the rest just fell into place.
I disagree. It's so important for cousins to be close or at least give it your best shot. Family bonds run deep and most times are unbreakable.
Not necessarily. I had to be introduced to my cousins at our grandparent's funeral. I've lived a fine life without being close to biological family. We all lived very far apart and family ties didn't seem to be too important to anybody. My own children don't have any cousins or grandparents. I think they will be just fine. They have older siblings who love them but I doubt anybody will choose to live close by.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
