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I am curious, was your bio father, his bio father, as well?
Yes.
We all share the same biological father, and none of my parents have any other children but us. In fact, my mom and dad met in 1979 (he was 16, she was 17), and married in 1986, which was also the year I was born. Committing adultery would go against their morals.
My dad had the occasional drunken fit (he threatened suicide too, according to my mom, back when we lived in Farmington in the late 80s), though his problem was alcohol, not prescription drugs. It also (as a continuously serious problem) only lasted a few years, from '87 to '90 or so. After then, he went into rehab and came out clean, though he had the occasional incident where he would go out, get drunk, and crash his car. He got a few DUI's that way. He cleaned up in '99 with anti-depressant pills, as depression, not alcoholism, was his problem.
In looking at last year's post, it seems that the only thing that has changed is that your brother has gotten worse. And it seems that you and your family are making the same excuses for his actions. Read the first couple paragraphs of this thread. All the excuses that you establish before sharing what your brother did. You did the same thing in your Sept. 2008 thread. First you make excuses (expelled from school in 10th grade for phoney weapons charges), then you go on to give examples of how out of control he is.
You and your family know what he used to be and still can be at times, so you minimize/tolerate his behavior until it gets so out of hand that it can not be ignored. He isn't that person any more. He is sick. You and your family do not see how incredibly dangerous he is. It sounds as though he has a mental illness and serious drug issues. And guns.
I agree with some of the other posters that he needs to be arrested and/or Baker Acted. I also think that during the time that he is being evaluated, a restraining order should be obtained. But I wouldn't count on him obeying the restraining order, so you and your family should be very careful during this time. Once he violates the order, he will be arrested and will spend enough time in jail to dry out. When this happens, your family should not bail him out. The longer he is in jail, the more he will experience the consequences of his behavior and be away from Rx drugs. The family can write the judge and ask that he be court-ordered to treatment and a residential program.
He should NOT return home. Period. He is an adult and not in school like you are. Your family can get counseling during this time, too. Someone mentioned Nar-Anon- that would be a great place to start.
He isn't the brother that you grew up any more. He is sick. And your family is only giving him the ability (housing, food, money) to get worse. He has stolen, he has been violent and threatened suicide, he has damaged your family's vehicles and home. His Rx drug problem has gotten worse. What do you think will happen next?
I hope that you don't think I am being too harsh. But if what you have posted is accurate (and there is no reason to think it is not), your brother's behavior has escalated over the past year and a half and your family is in serious danger.
PS- We have a family member who had an Rx drug problem. We made the excuses, gave second chances, third, fourth, etc. No violence involved and he didn't live with us, so we had it easier, but other than that.......
Last edited by Magnolia Bloom; 12-08-2009 at 05:47 PM..
Reason: Adding PS
You've lost control when you can call the police. If the police have had this kind proplem before, dont you think they would be better prepared if OP said his brother was armed and dangerous...
The summer incident that caused the death three police officers in our city was a domestic call and the 911 dispatcher failed to relay that the adult son had guns.
Since the OP's situation isn't a 911 issue right now, there's no reason to simply call 911. T
hey can plan this with the police by going in to have a talk about their concerns. The police could approach this a number of different ways.
It will be safer for the police and the members of the household if it's planned before the brother loses control in the future.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1751texan
...somebody let him to have guns in the house...kinda late to start debating outcomes.
I'd say that it's more pointless to debate the past. The situation is what it is. Saying the mother should have never allowed this to begin with doesn't help the OP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1751texan
If you cant call the police, who can you call? OP and family dont have to be there while police do their job.
I never said to not call the police! I initially said to go talk to the police and you asked me why! I explained why! LOL
My dad had the occasional drunken fit (he threatened suicide too, according to my mom, back when we lived in Farmington in the late 80s), though his problem was alcohol, not prescription drugs. It also (as a continuously serious problem) only lasted a few years, from '87 to '90 or so. After then, he went into rehab and came out clean, though he had the occasional incident where he would go out, get drunk, and crash his car. He got a few DUI's that way. He cleaned up in '99 with anti-depressant pills, as depression, not alcoholism, was his problem.
Substance abuse is substance abuse, regardless of the substance.
"Despite the occasional incident where he would drink crash his car and get charged with DUIs" and you think this is nothing??? That this is how a recovered alcoholic behaves?
Your whole family sounds like enablers. You make excuses for the abuser. That they can't help it. That they have a hard life. That they aren't really so bad. That they don't mean to.
Its abuse and your brother isn't just abusing substances he is abusing your family. You should call the police but nothing will change until you choose to stop accepting his behavior.
Since he has at least misdemeanor charges from his DUI arrests, doesn't that make him not eligible to be a legal gun owner? I would use that as a reason to remove the guns from the home while he is someplace else. I'm certainly not against firearm ownership....but someone with your brothers mental and emotional history is a danger to many people around him. As a family, you need to step in before anyone gets hurt and he ends up with a lifetime prison sentence or worse.
And whatever you do, do it with a lot of resolve, be firm and decided. Get the police involved and be prepared to send him off to jail, press charges if need be. Don't vacillate - none of you.
Sometimes these people seem more threatening than they end up being, but you cannot predict. Sometimes they are bullies, a man using obscenities against his own mother may be a weak coward when it comes down to it but if he's using drugs, there's even less way to tell what he might do. Talk to neighbors, the police, everyone - let them know what is going on so they can be on the look out for danger.
Just get a game plan and fast and follow through.
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