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The Op needs time to regroup. She may be responsible for the majority of the childcare but 1) dad should be involved SOMEHOW. 2) she will be a better mother for getting a break.
Anyone who has been home all day and night with a baby and NO OUTLET would relate to this problem.
OP, I suggest you tell your husband you need a break once in awhile before you get to resent him totally.
OP, It's not at all unreasonable for you to expect your dh to help out with the kids. You are working in the home, 24/7. I doubt that he is working and going to school 24/7, is he? You need and deserve a break.
For centuries women have managed their homes without any "help" from their husbands. I can understand a modern couple who both work sharing chores. But this is not a modern relationship, but a traditional one which the OP seems to prefer with some modification.
So they are living off of "his" savings while he seeks to educate himself to make a better future for them. But he should work outside the home and inside the home. She should work inside the home only with some "breaks" where he chips in and helps. This seems uneven to me.
Just go back to work and put your kids in daycare. And what do you mean by if you worked, what do you need him for? That sounds awful. Is he just worth a paycheck to you?
Edit: And you are working in the home. He is going to school. Why can't you just suffer this while he gets his education so that he can better provide for his entire family? It's called making a sacrifice.
JUST go back to work and put the kids in day care? That is a big decision and hardly a "just". No one is asking her DH to drop out of school. He needs to do his part to take care of HIS kid.
They don't, though, sometimes. My ex-husband was not interested in our baby after the novelty wore off. He worked sporadically, when someone called him and needed an extra hand, but I worked full-time. If for some reason my mother could not care for our child on any given day, he would stay with her only until he could find a friend of mine with whom he could drop off the baby.
He would come home around 11:30 at night expecting to be entertained by me because "I figured by now you got the baby to sleep and would be free." I had to get up at 5:30 a.m. Needless to say, this among other things contributed to demise of our marriage.
My ex is not the only man I know who was like this, especially when the child is an infant. Sometimes men are better with the children when the children are bigger and playing sports and the like.
I only know of one man like this. Every other man in my life be it my own father, uncle, male cousin, all care for their children and do not call it babysitting.
But it's fair that she expects him to be the breadwinner, help with the kids because by God she won't need his sorry ass if she has to go to work outside the home?
yes, it is. And they are mostly living off savings, says the OP. He isn't winning much bread.
For centuries women have managed their homes without any "help" from their husbands. I can understand a modern couple who both work sharing chores. But this is not a modern relationship, but a traditional one which the OP seems to prefer with some modification.
So they are living off of "his" savings while he seeks to educate himself to make a better future for them. But he should work outside the home and inside the home. She should work inside the home only with some "breaks" where he chips in and helps. This seems uneven to me.
I don't think anyone expects him to do half the work at home while he's in school, just some of it. Law school might take up many hours of the day, but being a SAHM is a 24 hour a day job. Are you really suggesting that even when he's home, he shouldn't lift a finger to change a diaper or wash a dish?
trishguard....since you haven't answered the question about having kids of your own, my guess is the answer is "no".....and how old are you? If the OP's husband (I have a hard time calling a "man" who won't care for his child other than covering the monetary expenses, a father) can't make time now, while he is a student, it is a pretty good assumption that he will always have an excuse...he is working hard to be a partner, he IS a partner etc etc etc. A man who cares for his child and his wife, will find the time. An hour here and there will not ruin his schooling. If this isn't straightened out though, it may well ruin his marriage. When my oldest was born, my husband worked full time (as did I), carried a full classload and we were fixing up a house we had bought that needed work. We each found time to allow the other some "off duty" time with our friends....
I only know of one man like this. Every other man in my life be it my own father, uncle, male cousin, all care for their children and do not call it babysitting.
Thats good to hear. I believe men are getting better at being parents. The majority of fathers I know, especially older generations, were never active in child rearing.
I dont think I ever saw my father hold my little brother when he was an infant. I know he never in his life changed a diaper.
I do know many fathers now that take an equal part in caring for their children.
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