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Of course the OP could've asked someone else and said that....The sister just asked the person across from her (which is normal), she said later she didn't realize that the OP had been gone and just sat down - which makes sense or else, she would have mentioned it before the OP even sat down (as in "Oh! While you're up, would you mind grabbing another slice of lasagna - thanks so much...."). I don't fault the sister for that. The OP could have very easily, without making a drama out of it, either done it herself, or, like you said just nicely explained that she just sat down and could someone else please do it. Either way would have been better than causing a scene over something relatively inconsequential.
The sister was drunk. Drunks are annoying. I personally have no tollerance for someone who is drunk.
It doesn't sound like a scene was made until AFTER dinner when the OP refused to accept the sister's apology.
The sister was drunk. Drunks are annoying. I personally have no tollerance for someone who is drunk.
It doesn't sound like a scene was made until AFTER dinner when the OP refused to accept the sister's apology.
Nowhere did she say the sister was "drunk" .....she said the sister had a "buzz" on - which could just mean (esp to someone who doesn't drink) that she had a glass or two of wine. Since she didn't mention anything else about beligerent behavior (and I stand by my postition that asking someone more conveniently seated than you are is normal not beligerent) I took it to mean the latter. If she was actually drunk and obnoxious, she should have said so directly. And regardless of when the scene was made, it was unfortunate to have at a family holiday dinner.
Nowhere did she say the sister was "drunk" .....she said the sister had a "buzz" on - which could just mean (esp to someone who doesn't drink) that she had a glass or two of wine. Since she didn't mention anything else about beligerent behavior (and I stand by my postition that asking someone more conveniently seated than you are is normal not beligerent) I took it to mean the latter. If she was actually drunk and obnoxious, she should have said so directly.
The OP was clear in the first post. She used the word Buzz and the word Bombed. Bombed is a very direct descriptive word for drunk and obnoxious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
And regardless of when the scene was made, it was unfortunate to have at a family holiday dinner.
Unfortunately, that's the norm for many families' holidays.
The OP was clear in the first post. She used the word Buzz and the word Bombed. Bombed is a very direct way of saying someone is drunk.
Unfortunately, that's the norm for many families' holidays.
Well, our opinions obviously differ.....I see that she said "buzzed" (while making the point that she herself did NOT drink) when describing her sister's state to us. Then at the end, when she was angry at her sister, she used the word "bombed" in what seemed to be an angry retaliatory comment (in which many people are guilty of using exaggeration). Either way though, none of her descriptions of her sister's actions (either asking for assistance or later in apologizing for not knowing the situation) seem to be the actions of a drunk person. The sister did not cause the scene - whether or not she was just buzzed or totally drunk.
I am a single Mom... just did the whole Christmas thing... gifts, breakfast, batteries for the toys, cleaning... you know the drill. The things you do for your kids that you love to do, but for me, I get a bit exausted... I have a very energetic four year old boy.
My sister, married, no kids, lots of parties, going out to dinner, at least 4-5 vacations a year... gets a lot of sleep... you get it. Pretty much an absent Aunt to boot...
So maybe I have a resentment... but maybe what I am about to say is legit... I want your honest feedback.
After the day long event of doing the parental thing, we go to my parents home for dinner. I don't drink, she does, and she has a buzz on, as usual.
The dinner table is crowded. Some people are blocked in, as she and her husband are, who are sitting directly across from me.
As I am getting ready to take a bite of my food, my son comes to me and says he needs to go to the bathroom, numero dos... I take him to the bathroom and the whole thing takes about 15 minutes...
I get back to the dinner table, put my napkin in my lap and I am just about to settle back in and my sister says, hey old biddie, would you mind getting up to go into the kitchen to get my husband another slice of lasagna? I look at her and I say, kind of quizzically, are you kidding?
She looks at me like I have 2 heads, and says no. And I say again, no seriously, are you joking? (i really thought she was trying to be funny) And again she says no, that she is blocked in and could I do it. And I said flat out, NO. I said, do you see that I just got back to the table from taking my son to the bathroom... the tension is thick, she acts shocked, and we ignore eachother for the rest of dinner.
After dinner she comes to me and says that she did not realize I had gone to the bathroom with my son (I was sitting across from her and was gone 15 minutes so I can only think that she missed the whole thing because she was buzzed). It gets heated, and she tells me that I always play the victim, and I tell her that she is bombed as usual.
And that's where it ended.
Was I a jerk? Should I have just gotten up to get her hubby the lasagna?
I'm not a single mother and I still understand how much Christmas can bring.
You are living your life, you are raising a child and your sister is living her life, everyone has their own path, jealousy is not a good thing, it can eat you alive, although I can understand why you feel this way.
I think this is more then just lasagna. You were tired and probably very hungry by the time you sat down and JUST when you are about to eat, your kid wants you to take him to the bathroom, then it takes for some reason 15 freaking minutes to finish it all up and JUST when you are about to sit down AGAIN to eat, you are being asked to get up. It could be so aggravating and irritating. So, you lashed out. I can feel you here. Did your sister WAIT for you to get there to ask for lasagna? For all these 15 minutes she couldn't ask someone else or squeeze her way through there herself? Seriously guys, if SHE needed to pee she would find a way to get there.
On another hand, if you just got that damn slice, none of it would have happened.
So my conclusion is, there is no right or wrong here. It's emotions and feelings that go deeper then this party.
it is obviously more than just the lasagna that is the problem. I don't think it was either party's fault entirely. The BIL was a little insensitive, but the OP made a mountain out a mole hill. If the sister was "bombed" by my definition, she wouldn't be sitting upright at the table eating. I'm guessing "tipsy" is a better word, and if that is the case, I find no problem with that at a holiday gathering.
If the sister was "bombed" by my definition, she wouldn't be sitting upright at the table eating.
With all due respect RKB - I know many a friend who could outrun and outwit completely bombed. And, I do mean bombed. Seriously, sitting upright eating - child's play.
With all due respect RKB - I know many a friend who could outrun and outwit completely bombed. And, I do mean bombed. Seriously, sitting upright eating - child's play.
I reread the OP. The OP says her sister "had a buzz on". Only after the incident when they were exchanging insults did the OP tell her sister she was "bombed as usual." Probably an exaggeration. Who knows? I guess we have different experiences with drunks.
I noticed that OP called her sister "an absent aunt". Did she mean that she gets no help from her sister at all? I mean, nobody is obligated to help, after all, she made a decision to have this kid, but when a person who is supposed to be one of the closest people in the world, like a blood sister (I'm assuming she is a blood-sister) doesn't help and all she does is enjoying life, being a life of a party, travels and offers no help, then it could afflict a lot of resentment.
I'm just striclty assuming that if OP's sister was truly there for her in difficult times, helping out and being there for her, OP wouldn't have those kind of feelings towards her and I bet her sister would have been a little more in tuned to OP's stress and noticed that she was gone from the table for 15 minutes when everyone just sat down to eat. Just a thought.
I noticed that OP called her sister "an absent aunt". Did she mean that she gets no help from her sister at all? I mean, nobody is obligated to help, after all, she made a decision to have this kid, but when a person who is supposed to be one of the closest people in the world, like a blood sister (I'm assuming she is a blood-sister) doesn't help and all she does is enjoying life, being a life of a party, travels and offers no help, then it could afflict a lot of resentment.
I'm just striclty assuming that if OP's sister was truly there for her in difficult times, helping out and being there for her, OP wouldn't have those kind of feelings towards her and I bet her sister would have been a little more in tuned to OP's stress and noticed that she was gone from the table for 15 minutes when everyone just sat down to eat. Just a thought.
good point.
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