Caught son experimenting...how to react? (minors, teaching, 10 year old, natural)
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Would you feel the same way if it was your son or daughter who was in the garage with this boy, and in subsequent conversation with his parents you discovered the rather frank nature of sexuality demonstrated in their house? I know I wouldn't.
I would feel uncomfortable but I wouldn't go nuts about it. But I guess I look at sex differently. I just know at that some point kids start to experiment. I have heard this happen before and I am willing to bet that most kids do the same things, they just don't get caught or tell their parents about it.
If I were the OP I would tell my son just what I said in my first post. I would not make him feel like he is wrong or he is dirty, but at the same time I would not encourage it either.
Thats why I say, -leave it alone- and do not run and tell the other boy's parents. The OPs son is a normal kid. He was just caught. Poor kid I might say. Do not add to the embarrassment for him. That will just makes things worse.
I'm sorry but I don't think this is normal. Masturbating by himself at this age, sure. With another boy? No, that is not normal.
(If it is I'm in trouble. I have 2 young sons and am not ready to deal with this!)
I'm sorry but I don't think this is normal. Masturbating by himself at this age, sure. With another boy? No, that is not normal.
(If it is I'm in trouble. I have 2 young sons and am not ready to deal with this!)
I don't think you should worry, this situation is a bit bizzare if you ask me. I never heard of a child romping around the house saying what a good orgasm he had. This whole thing is repulsive.
Okay, I was going to refrain from chiming in here but can't help it.
There's open and then there's way beyond open communication. And the whole lotion into the bathroom and talking about orgasms...at 11???
There needs to be some boundaries and discussion, as others have said, about what is appropriate and what should be kept private. The last thing you want is the school calling because your son has inappropriately tried to touch another student, etc.
At 11, having the attitude of "I'm not going to stop" is worrisome. Whatever he wants to do in the privacy of his own bedroom...fine. But when it starts to involve other kids, that takes on a whole different slant.
What he is doing with other kids and their willingness to participate could have long term consequences on so many levels.
It kind of makes me relieved my sons are so hooked on video games.
I would suspect this child is bored and has latched on to his private parts for all his entertainment. He doesn't sound at all well-rounded, even with friends around it's all about his one big obsession.
And yes, kids at very young ages can be made very sexualized, but parents should work to keep that from happening.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
Obviously not too privately if you know so much about it and he's smirking and grabbing the lotion and letting everyone know what he's got in mind to do.
I have sons and if they masturbate - who knows, I sure don't, don't really need to - it's not something that must be discussed with parents - if it's truly a private matter.
I think your boy needs some hobbies, sports, something -- the obsession with sex and masturbation isn't as normal as you're trying to claim it is.
I fear I have made my son sound like some kind of precocious, sex-obsessed pervert, and I really am not sure if I am trying to do it justice. He really is a well-rounded, normal enough kid when it comes to most things, and certainly is not excessively bored. He plays soccer and football on leagues and pick-up basketball all the time. He does all his homework and gets good grades in everything but history. If he's obsessed with something, it's life sciences: he loves dinosaurs and small mammals, and participates a lot in the family garden (I think he wants to kill the brussels sprouts and grow more corn).He'd play video games night and day if we let him. He has more chores than most of his friends, and he executes them with more pride and care than you expect from a boy his age.
We strongly do not believe that he is somehow too young to masturbate or be aware of his ability to experience sexual pleasure. My experience and research indicate many children have discovered this by his age and that it is not fundamentally unhealthy. I do not believe any amount of distraction will make him stop and if it does, nothing in the world will be able to make him stop in a couple years.
As I've said, his attitude has been more open than we are comfortable with. However, I have trouble believing things are as out of hand as people are saying. The time he described the reason for his bubbly attitude he was reluctant to answer. This came a week or two after a "Talk" with him about the changes his body would be going through, and I believe his explicit description matched some of the clear information discussed with him. The incident was isolated.
The lotion thing...is weird. I've only seen it a few times: it is not like he tries to let others see or is doing it constantly, or that he seems proud about it, or is telling anyone what he's doing. For all we know he has rough elbows and wants to moisturize them at night now and then.
I feel like I sound like I'm in denial. These things obviously concerned us, and we assumed that he would outgrow his lack of modesty (shame?). This all is a small part of his life, and one we know he does not understand very well yet. We are very slow to ask DS to be more private about such things with us because a strategy of openness has worked well with our older children.
For example. when our oldest was in high school he called us on two occasions because he'd lied to us, gone to the sort of party he was not allowed to, and no one was sober enough to drive. We picked him up, shuttled many of his friends home, and did not punish him either time. You could claim we enabled bad behavior, but really we may have saved their lives. The other parents who refused to enable bad behavior, their kids went to the same parties, but mine knew he could call us instead of someone driving drunk.
I share everyone's fears that letting DS express himself openly has opened the door to this situation, but I am not sure that is the truth. The other boy lives in a very traditional home that borders on as sexually repressed, yet he ended up in this situation with DS. I suspect the "why" lies somewhere else.
I have to say this is really disturbing. Maybe your just a bit too open with your son, and I would like to know how you happened to see your sons erection??
I'm scratching my head on this one.
I described the situation in my original post. It was quite on accident.
I don't think you should worry, this situation is a bit bizzare if you ask me. I never heard of a child romping around the house saying what a good orgasm he had. This whole thing is repulsive.
I have 3 sons and have not had this problem.
I'm glad to know that my son is repulsive and yours aren't.
I think the same rules should apply, homo or hetero encounter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustSomePerson
I am starting to think we will not be telling the other parents, but we will keep thinking about this in the coming days. As for the other boy leaking information, that is a risk I suppose exists, but I am not sure I will remind DS of it.
I didn't read all of the posts in this thread but I want to make sure that the OP knows and understands that if her sons friend tells his parents that they can be labeled a "sex offender". The other boy could tell his parents that it was the op's son that "made him do it" and then it is one persons word against the others. And if this is not the first time he has done this and others come out saying the same thing has happened to them while being with your son...... IT CAN GET UGLY. I would be VERY SERIOUS about this with my child so that they know it is NOT okay to touch another persons genitals be it a member of the opposite sex or same sex. IT CAN HAPPEN! One of our employees had this happen recently w/ two kids in their neighborhood. One boy was 14 and the other 10. BOTH boys are now labeled "sex offenders".
As someone else said, I would put a quick halt to ANY and ALL sleepovers involving your son. That would just create a situation that could come back to be a pita to all concerned.
It is great that you are open w/ your kids about sex. But there is a responsibility to being able to participate in ANY kind of sexual behavior. Masturbation and masturbating another ARE sex. If your son is mastubating another child then their parents turn him into the police it won't be so chummy the next time you have a sex talk with him.
I share everyone's fears that letting DS express himself openly has opened the door to this situation, but I am not sure that is the truth. The other boy lives in a very traditional home that borders on as sexually repressed, yet he ended up in this situation with DS. I suspect the "why" lies somewhere else.
Which can be one big reason to teach your son about discretion. If the other parents get wind of what happened or even worse, catch them doing the same thing, it's possible the boy could turn on your son - say it was him pressuring him into doing something he didn't want to do. The long term consequences of what could come out of something like that might not be favorable to your son.
A few years ago there was an incident in our high school of kids at a party and sexual activity going on between a particular boy and girl.
At the time, he said she consented. When the parents found out, she got scared and said it was rape. Obviously there are two sides to every story. But things went against him no matter what because it's an accusation that isn't ignored. It tore up that family. Because of what he was charged with, he was not allowed to stay in his home because he had a younger sibling.
Extreme example, yes. But I think things are very different in today's world than years past. Wanting your children to be open and unashamed of their sexuality is great. But along with that they need to be taught what is okay and not okay in today's society. Good or bad in your eyes....it's the way it is.
I didn't read all of the posts in this thread but I want to make sure that the OP knows and understands that if her sons friend tells his parents that they can be labeled a "sex offender". The other boy could tell his parents that it was the op's son that "made him do it" and then it is one persons word against the others. And if this is not the first time he has done this and others come out saying the same thing has happened to them while being with your son...... IT CAN GET UGLY. I would be VERY SERIOUS about this with my child so that they know it is NOT okay to touch another persons genitals be it a member of the opposite sex or same sex. IT CAN HAPPEN! One of our employees had this happen recently w/ two kids in their neighborhood. One boy was 14 and the other 10. BOTH boys are now labeled "sex offenders".
As someone else said, I would put a quick halt to ANY and ALL sleepovers involving your son. That would just create a situation that could come back to be a pita to all concerned.
It is great that you are open w/ your kids about sex. But there is a responsibility to being able to participate in ANY kind of sexual behavior. Masturbation and masturbating another ARE sex. If your son is mastubating another child then their parents turn him into the police it won't be so chummy the next time you have a sex talk with him.
We must have posted at the same time! You hit the nail on the head.
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