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I was thinking about this today. I do my daughters hair almost everyday. I was wondering when she would want to and and start doing it on her own. She is only two so I am sure I have a long time to go.
Here is what I see daily. I stand outside to get the car line moving so the kids can get home. Maybe 2 parents will speak to the administrator in a week. And that is b/c there is a problem or something they don't agree with. Trust me driving your kid to school has no reflection on how you do. Most of the time it is just conveinence for the adult or kid.
Some of my most bad behaved students get driven home everyday. Heck, some parents drop off and pick up their kids everyday but can't come in for a conference and act like they are in a hurry when you meet them in the car lane to discuss their childs behavior or academics.
You can take care of your kids and more than likely so will your counterparts that drive them to school as well. Outside that box there is a much larger percentage of parents that are really busy and can't or don't for whatever reason.
Just a side note I was that guy in the parking lot you did or didn't wave to. I got dozens a day.
In our area, most neighborhoods have an elementary school, so kids have only a short walk or bike ride ( < 1 mile), and we have several paid crossing guards. Kids are usually assigned to a school that does not require crossing any busy roads. If that's the case, they are offered busing. Two kids who attend our elementary live in a condominium complex in a business development less than a block from the neighborhood school; however, because they would have to cross a heavily-traveled road, they were assigned to a bus. The parents declined and began driving them. Even our middle school students walk quite a ways. There are only two bus stops for our entire neighborhood.
The down-side (or upside, depending on your perspective) to a lack of bus service is that snow days aren't common. When I was a kid and rode the bus, most of our snow days happened when they couldn't get the bus lot cleared even if the roads were passable.
Last edited by formercalifornian; 01-01-2010 at 01:34 PM..
I think most areas have walkers who live close to the school. I was commenting on areas of the country where there is no school bus service whatsoever.
As far as the extra sleep thing goes, try to have some compassion for people who work long days and don't get to see their kids until they pick-up from after school care. Many of our students don't see their parents until 5:30 or even 6:00. Two to 2-1/2 hours isn't a lot of time for dinner, homework, and a shower, much less anything sports or relaxation-oriented. If driving lets a kids sleep for an extra 30 minutes each day, then I'm all for it, especially since it's often the case that parents drop off on their way to work. I agree that the extra few minutes is a good thing, because I appreciate the same moments with my kids when we walk. If walking wasn't possible for my family, you bet I'd take advantage of time in the car.
Whatever happened to doing your homework on your own without parental involvement? And helping get dinner started for your parents before they get home? If they're not responsible for doing their own homework and dinner independent of their parents, how are they going to learn to take care of themselves and override "lazy" tendencies on their own?
Whatever happened to doing your homework on your own without parental involvement? And helping get dinner started for your parents before they get home? If they're not responsible for doing their own homework and dinner independent of their parents, how are they going to learn to take care of themselves and override "lazy" tendencies on their own?
Whatever happened to doing your homework on your own without parental involvement? And helping get dinner started for your parents before they get home? If they're not responsible for doing their own homework and dinner independent of their parents, how are they going to learn to take care of themselves and override "lazy" tendencies on their own?
Certainly, my fifth grader is capable of doing her own homework, but the second grader? Not so much. He needs to be closely supervised, and much of his math and reading homework requires parental involvement.
I'm a SAHM, so the starting dinner thing isn't an issue in our household, but I have a great deal of compassion for families with young children and two working parents. There simply aren't enough hours in the day.
Last edited by formercalifornian; 01-01-2010 at 02:35 PM..
I do not have children of my own, but I am a mental health therapist generalist, and many of my clients are families with children over 5, teenagers, and some who are almost 18. Clearly a second grader needs direction and guidance as far as homework is concerned, a mature 7th grader, not so much.
Maturity is gained by giving children responsibility and consequences when that responsibility is not met. Maturity can be painful, therefore most people don't grow up until they're given no other choice. The biggest issue I see in the parents I do therapy with is that they're waiting for the child to grow up. Like it's something that's going to spontaneously happen on its own. The biological component, sure, but the behavioral component doesn't usually kick in until the parents implement some sort of structure where they hold their children responsible for something.
The give and take process can be long and frustrating and many parents opt to just do everything for their children instead of trying to help the child to learn and understand why the child should do it for themselves. Parents spoil children because it's easier on the parents in the short-term, but often this backfires and they end up dragging their kid into therapy asking me to "fix them" as if an hour a week with me can undo the lifetime of their kids being spoiled with the parents STILL not wanting to rearrange or upset their schedule in a way that they would need to in order to properly parent their children.
Long post, I know. People on messageboards sometimes accuse me of being too blunt and assume I'm a "bad" therapist. Before that even comes up, obviously, I can't tell the parent what they're doing wrong right away because it takes a long time to establish a relationship where they will trust my judgment on these things, but I'm def going to come out and say it on a messageboard. If I can help just one family, I'm happy, though I'm sure it pisses a lot of parents off. It's hard to hear that you're potentially messing your children up and only a lot of hard work on your part is going to fix it. Not to say that every parent who drives their kid to school is going this, I'm talking about parents who do too much for their kids in general.
I agree with you about children taking on more responsibility for themselves and in service to the rest of the family as they grow. I think some confusion has arisen in this thread because some of us have younger kids who clearly not capable of taking on some of the tasks you have described; however, your point about the importance of age-appropriate tasks and responsibilities is most certainly valid. We don't do children any favors by coddling them, but getting us all to agree about what constitutes coddling is going to be challenging.
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