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I have a good friend I've been knowing since college. We lost touch after college. We became close again about seven years ago. I knew her ex in college, also. Our kids go to the same school. She's a single parent. Her husband died in a car accident when her kids were very young. Her son was 2 1/2. She was pregnant with her daughter. SO I THOUGHT!!! She confessed last week that her ex is not dead. She said that I'd been so nice to her she couldn't continue to lie. The only person she has ever told was her mom.
She said she knew what is was like to grow up with a dad that wanted no part of her. She said she wouldn't let her kids feel the same way. So she decided to tell them he's dead!! Her son is now 12. They have great conversations about him things he did when they were babies. She even photo shopped him in some pictures!
I didn't know what to say. She said he wasn't worth her son feeling bad about himself not one day. Turns out he just left her when she was five months pregnant. He told her he didn't want to be a dad and left. He told his mom he left because he found out the kids were not his. She won't even talk to my friend! His mom lives in California. He has never been close to the rest of his family. She lives in Georgia.
I asked her about the kids finding out. She said she'll deal with that when it happens! What do you guys think. I have seen what happens to kids self-esteem when a dad doesn't want anything to do with them. Her kids seem O.K. They have good role models in their life. I don't know what to think. What do you guys think?
Almost everything on this site is none of our business! That doesn't stop people from giving opinions. People share. Someone on here may have had the same experience. I might gather some good information to share with her. Hell, I might find a good place to help her photo shopped some more pictures! I was just sharing an experience with you. Gosh!
Why do you think that? Is it because you think they'll find out? That's what I'm worried about.
They'll find out eventually and when they do, they're going to be seriously pissed at their mom. I understand the mom's rationalization, but I predict it will backfire on her.
I just wished she would have kept me in the dark, too. I'm not good at lying. I feel very weird now when I'm around the kids. They don't really talk about him as much now, and I'm glad!
I can understand your friend not wanting to hurt her child. There are some that would never be a good influence in a child's life and might do more harm than good.
At the time, it was just easier for her to say he was dead rather than explain that he left. She was probably afraid that the child would want to look him up someday.
I have a friend who was told her father was dead, however, her mom told her the truth just before she (the mom) died of cancer. My friend was then married, had 2 children of her own and could understand her mother's choices better as an adult then. Her mother did tell her that her dad left one night and never wanted to be found or contacted. (She never heard from him either).
Sometimes, in a family, too much is said. Because your friend made that decision, she made it knowing all the facts. It sounds like the child may have been spared some arguments and I personally feel knowning that the father left could have some effect on the child's self esteem.
They'll find out eventually and when they do, they're going to be seriously pissed at their mom. I understand the mom's rationalization, but I predict it will backfire on her.
I know several families that have kept secrets like this. The "kids" are now way over 50.
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Your friend's choice
