What age do you start....

[maciesmom]

It sounds to me like you have family issues.
If he is disrespectful or inconsiderate, that is another issue entirely. Is it unusual for people that age to have loud music on when they are alone in the house - heck no. My kids do it when they are getting ready all the time. If his attitude needs a check then sit down with him and discuss that. Honestly though, it sounds like it wouldn't matter - frankly, you just want him out.

[Kibbiekat]

Originally Posted by allisonguru

What age do you start handing out Apartment guides to your adult children? Ours is Twenty and contributes to the household in NO WAY WHAT SO EVER. He is going to school and working almost full time, but i am at my wits end with him. He does nothing around the house, except eat, shower, laundry,etc.....Once in a while he will take the trash out, but needs to be asked. He is a Stepson to me (had him since he was eight) and i think Momma tends to protect him a bit much. What should i do???

Originally Posted by allisonguru

Wow, i came home today and the trash was SOOOOO full that you could not close the top. The washer was going too(he had been home ALL day)so when i was ready to take a shower ALL the hot water was gone, then HE got in the shower. He has a radio in the bathroom(never heard of that before) and he turned the music up so loud we could hear it on the first floor. When we asked him not to turn it up so loud he said he needs that to get ready and he got angry and stormed off and left. Maybe i should pat him on the back and tell him everything is gonna be o.k. HUH Hopes??

Have you (or your husband) ever sat him down and told him what is expected of him? Are you and your husband on the same page about what he should be doing around the house? Did he know you wanted to take a shower? A radio in the bathroom is not uncommon. I'm surprised that you have never heard of it. Heck, my 35 year old husband turns up the radio when he gets ready, and I can hear it downstairs. sounds like he did his own laundry. That's a point for him.

Perhaps if you and your husband can agree on a plan, sit him down and tell him if he is going to live here this is what he needs to do. If he's not agreeable, tell him he needs to find another place.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by allisonguru

Wow, i came home today and the trash was SOOOOO full that you could not close the top. The washer was going too(he had been home ALL day)so when i was ready to take a shower ALL the hot water was gone, then HE got in the shower. He has a radio in the bathroom(never heard of that before) and he turned the music up so loud we could hear it on the first floor. When we asked him not to turn it up so loud he said he needs that to get ready and he got angry and stormed off and left.

Honestly, this sounds like a simple scheduling problem. Do you always take a shower when you get home from work? Does he often need to get ready for work at that time?

I think you need to talk to your WIFE first. You're not going to get anywhere just being upset. You need to be on the same page with her---whatever page that will be. If all your wife is hearing is complaining, she's either tuning you out. You need to approach her when you're not upset.

Make an appointment. Ask her to meet you for coffee somewhere when you're on your way home from work. An official meeting will help her realize you're serious and you want to work on a solution. The public place will help you both remain calm and focused instead of either of you getting upset.

If all you want is him out of the house, you're going to hit a brick wall approaching your wife with this as a demand. She feels that the boy needs to get ready for work, needs to do his laundry, and that you're just annoyed because you have higher expectations than her. She might be simply happy that he's doing his laundry.

I think you'd have a better response from your wife if you offered a solid solution that would allow him to finish college. Is it financially possible for you to pay the difference so he can live in a dorm? Can you help him secure student loans to cover the dorm?

Originally Posted by allisonguru

Maybe i should pat him on the back and tell him everything is gonna be o.k. HUH Hopes??

It doesn't sound like he thinks everything isn't okay so why would he need reassured?

I know you think his mother babies him. Don't take that out on me just because the things I say might remind you of her.

If you want to resolve this problem, you need to understand your wife in order to figure out a way to come to an agreement or compromise with her.

If you can't come to an agreement, your problem isn't your stepson, and you should seek marriage counseling together.

After this child is gone, your wife is the person who will be left in your life. You don't want to destroy your relationship with her.

[drjones96]

Originally Posted by allisonguru

Wow, i came home today and the trash was SOOOOO full that you could not close the top. The washer was going too(he had been home ALL day)so when i was ready to take a shower ALL the hot water was gone, then HE got in the shower. He has a radio in the bathroom(never heard of that before) and he turned the music up so loud we could hear it on the first floor. When we asked him not to turn it up so loud he said he needs that to get ready and he got angry and stormed off and left. Maybe i should pat him on the back and tell him everything is gonna be o.k. HUH Hopes??

If he's being generally disrespectful this isn't acceptable.


No need to give him the boot but definitely need to sit down for a meeting of the minds. Possibly you need to reevaluate some rules of the house. Write up a contract. Either he agrees or he starts looking for a new place.