Should You ALLOW Kids To "Get Off" For Holiday Visitors? (punishments, support)

[veuvegirl]

IMO waiting two weeks to discipline doesn't make sense. By that time they probably cannot remember exactly what they did in the first place to get in trouble. Children need to be disciplined immediately when they have done something wrong.

[springfieldva]

I've spanked my kids before. It's not the punishment of choice at my house, but there are times when spanking can be appropriate.

That said, I would never spank a kid in front of company - especially in front of (or within hearing range of) grandparents that just spent their hard earned money and time flying across the country to see their grandkids.

There are plenty of discrete, alternative ways to lay down the law that don't involve upsetting doting Grandparents in the process.

[KevK]

Originally Posted by springfieldva

Easy. You hand a belt to each one of the grandparents and make the "whuppin" a family affair - a real Festivus, if you will.

But really. I probably would have grounded "Jr" on the spot and taken away some favorite thing of his (playstation, t.v., whatever). If he whined or copped a 'tude about it in front of his grandparents, I would have extended the grounding for another week/taken another privilege away.

I only used grounding or taking stuff away once they were 12. Before 12, it was always a whuppin. Quick, fast and over with. And very efficient.

[KevK]

Originally Posted by springfieldva

I've spanked my kids before. It's not the punishment of choice at my house, but there are times when spanking can be appropriate.

That said, I would never spank a kid in front of company - especially in front of (or within hearing range of) grandparents that just spent their hard earned money and time flying across the country to see their grandkids.

There are plenty of discrete, alternative ways to lay down the law that don't involve upsetting doting Grandparents in the process.

Which is exactly why Jr "got away with one".

[KevK]

Originally Posted by veuvegirl

IMO waiting two weeks to discipline doesn't make sense. By that time they probably cannot remember exactly what they did in the first place to get in trouble. Children need to be disciplined immediately when they have done something wrong.

I agree. After even a few days, a whuppin would not have the "connection effect" that I would desire.

[hypocore]

I'm confused. If it's 'minor misbehavior', then why did they even call your wife in the first place instead of handling it themselves? If it wasn't so minor, why then did she decline to take action and instead call you? That makes no sense. If it was big enough to have the school call, then your wife should have gone straight to the school to handle it right then and there.

If it was indeed minor, then there was no need for anything to be done at home, as the school should have handled the problem with their own discipline. Perhaps the call was nothing more than a scare tactic or even it was the discipline they chose....to inform the parents. Either way, they may have handled it and the only thing left was for the parents to support the school in their choice.

Having said that, if it were something that needed additional follow up from the parents, then it means the students needed a logical consequence to what they've done and not corporal punishment. That can/should happen no matter who is around. If they flooded the bathroom, then they need to stay after school and clean it up themselves. If they tagged the walls, then they should be cleaning and repainting them after school. Logical works because it is connected directly to what they've done and there is always something directly connected.

I think most grandparents would understand and support that. Not all would understand or support your choice of 'whuppin' them and should not be put in the position of trying to either.

[Hopes]

Perhaps they only own one car and the wife is stuck at home when the husband is at work.

[formercalifornian]

Here's how I would handle it...

I would take the child aside and tell him that I am aware of what happened at school, but the discipline will have to wait because of the grandparents' visit. Then, I would smile and, without raising my voice, say "Try not to worry too much about it. We'll deal with this later." When the appropriate time arrived, I would administer the discipline. (In our family, this would not include hitting, but that's another topic.)

In the meantime, the child will torture himself worrying about what is going to happen. This is a good thing! He'll also be on his very best behavior, because he'll be afraid of making things worse. When the child acts up during the visit, I will simply smile and ask in a normal tone of voice, "Are you sure you want to continue behaving this way? Seems like a bad choice to me."

I would also ask the child to consider what he can do to rectify the problem he caused at school while he's awaiting my decision, and I will hold him to his solution.

Try listening to Jim Fay, who wrote Love and Logic. Delaying discipline is VERY effective!

[nightcrawler]

Oh let it go, sometimes kids are just kids.
ugh !

[SactoBankerGirl]

"Letting it go" is about the worst thing you can do. Consistency is the most important part of parenting. Kids need to know what to expect. If you let it go, you should be prepared to do just that 100% of the time.

My kids know EXACTLY where the boundaries are and what will happen if they cross them.