Should I say anything? (punishing, teaching, wakes up, single mom)

[momtothree]

I have a 16 year old living with me. Last year he missed the bus, and I took him. Then it turned into him missing the bus like 2 or 3 more times within a 2 week period that I said no more, you can ride your bike to school. He rode to school 2 more times after realizing I wasn't kidding and interestingly enough be only missed the bus one more time that entire year.

He was doing fine this year so far till I noticed he was missing his bus a bit more. But since he seem to get a ride I didn't say anything. Then it seems in the last week, he was missing it ALOT more and I overheard him on the phone, saying something like I know I know but please tell your mom just one more time!

So when I asked him it turns out that he calls a kid that lives in the development that has his mom take him to school every day. He bothers them for a ride when he misses his bus.

Only problem is that I know now he is waking up on time (we wake him if we don't hear activity after his alarm) but going back to sleep thinking oh I can get a ride instead....

Now I don't want this mom to feel used (I think she is by now) and I told kid not to bother her anymore. All was well for a few days till this morning I hear him whispering on the phone.

What would you do? If you were the other mom what would you think?

[asonnier]

At 16 he needs to be responsible and get himself up to catch the bus. When he goes off to college he will need to be self-suffucient and get himself to class. If it was me, I would talk to the other Mom, explain the situation and tell her that you don't want her picking up the 16 year old. Then tell the 16 old old your expectations and that she will know longer be picking him up.

This may sound harsh to some of you but now is the time to get the 16 year old responsible. Hope this helps you!

[skahar]

If you are up when he gets up, why aren't you saying something when it's time to leave? My first thought was to tell the other mom not to give him a ride also, but then I think why should she be dragged into the middle of this. So I would suggest talking to him and explaining that if he missed the bus one more time then he would lose phone privileges for X amount of time and if he continues missing the bus more restrictions will be added each time he does. He is being disrespectful and should get some sort of consequence for it.

[Hopes]

I think you should stay out of it.

You are trying to teach him a lesson that he needs to take care of himself. He has found his own way of taking care of himself.

Eventually she'll stop driivng him if it bothers her. Let him learn by natural consquences.

[SmerkyGrl]

Let him sink.

[icibiu]

I would personally reach out to the other mom and THANK her! Explain to her the situation and let her know the reason you haven't been giving him a ride yourself is because you are trying to get him to be more responsible, who knows what he's been saying to this woman to get her to take him to school. He may be making you out to be "the bad guy" then ask her to please not take him any more.

Then speak to him tell him he is responsible for making sure he makes the bus in time, if he misses the bus he has to bike to school AND his curfew will be shortened by half an hour each time he misses the bus. If he continues to miss the bus then let him know you will be walking him to the bus and waiting for it with him. Sounds pretty embarressing for a 16 year old. He'll probably make sure he makes it in time just to save face.

[wyoquilter]

I know when my older two were 16 they hated riding the bus. Only geeks and losers rode the bus. (their words not mine) This may be one reason why this kid is missing the bus because he might be feeling that he is uncool or is getting razzed by other kids by doing so. High school is the really tough years for kids as a good chunk of them want to "fit in" and be part of the "in crowd" and their self esteem can go down the toilet real fast especially if they are getting some razzing from their peers.

This kid is most likely doing what he can to ensure that he still gets to school and yet stay "cool" at the same time. If it is bothering the other mother she will eventually stop picking him up. But don't think that, that will stop him from missing the bus. If it bothers you that he is bothering other people then why not check into getting him his own car and his driver's licsence (if he doesn't have one yet) so he can drive himself. You could even tell him that he needs to help save up for it and he can help pay insurance and pay for his own gas. This is a great way of teaching kids some responsibility and another way of punishing them if there is need too.

[Laura707]

LOL! Does this bring back memories! I worked and mine would miss the bus, thinking they didn't have to go to school that day if he missed it because school was so far away..

I put my foot down and told them if he missed the bus again, he BETTER start walking and walk to school or ELSE he would go with me before 6am in the morning. He was a sleeper so getting up that early was not something he wanted to do.


I worked at the school he went to and when he didn't show up at school, I'd call home and tell him he better start walking... Him walking all the way to school didn't happen but about twice.

Good Lord, we had to actually walk to school when we were kids, there were no school busses and we had to walk in all kinds of weather..yea, I know...THAT again, but it is true. We alked in rain, sleet, snow and in the heat.. Kids today have it made and just don't know it. I WISH we'd had school busses to pick us up and drop us off when we were kids!

[hypocore]

I suppose I have a different take on getting to school. I see education as a priority and consider it my responsibility to make sure my child gets to school by whatever means works for us.

If I expect my child to take the bus because I cannot take them myself, then I would make sure my child, yes even the teen child, was up, ready and out the door in time for the bus. There would be no opportunity to miss the bus in my house without a very good reason.

Thankfully we don't rely on a bus and I take my kids to school myself, insuring they arrive there and on time.
So, for me, it's difficult to imagine anyone leaving their child on their own to make sure they get to school unless there are extreme circumstances.

Perhaps the OP is a single mom and has to be to work long before the bus comes. Therefore she feels like she has no choice but to make him get there on his own. If he has chosen to bum rides, then that's how he's getting himself to school. Problem solved. At least he's still going to school.

As far as the other mom. If it were me and I had another child calling mine to beg to ride with us, I wouldn't mind doing so - on occasion - if it was the only way they were going to get to school. I don't think that's the case here though and I'd likely be a bit resentful that the OP wasn't making sure he got there herself.

[momtothree]

So I will just leave it alone then. I don't know the kid or his mom so I can't reach out to her and let her know etc.

I did tell him to stop bothering her and to catch the bus. (he is already punished for his grades)

I am not always up at the time he gets up ( my younger kids wake up later), my hubby is and will wake him back up before leaving if he doesn't hear "activity" up there. But once hubby leaves, then he is on his own and I suspect he is going back to sleep thinking he can get a ride.

Irony is that it is only 15 minutes difference from his bus and getting the ride. I think I will keep the phones in my room tonight and hte next several nights and see what happens.

And before I get flamed for waking up later, he wakes up at 5:15 to catch the bus at 6. I wake up at 6:30ish to get my elementary kids ready for school.