At what age do bedtimes end? (teenagers, parents, activity, son)

[Tinawina]

I have a fifth grader (11) and a third grader (9). Right now the rule is on school nights they have to be in their rooms showered and in their PJs at 8:30pm. The 9 year old has lights out at 9pm and the 11 year old only has to cease electronics by 9, she can read until 9:30 or so then lights out.

The older child starts middle school in the fall and is campaigning to be able to stay up until 10 or not have a bedtime at all. 6th grade seems too early to turn her loose but after that I have no idea. I really do not know how other parents handle this. I assume there is no bedtime by high school, but at what age do folks usually stop assigning an actual time to be asleep on school nights? I'm curious! What did you all do?

Thanks in advance! And Happy Mothers Day to the moms reading this!

[saibot]

In 9th grade our older daughter stopped having "bedtime," but there is still a time (10 pm) when she is asked to be in her room with the door closed, so that she doesn't disturb the rest of the household with bright lights, music, or wandering around the house. Beyond that, she can stay up as late as she thinks she needs to. She knows she has to get up at 6:30am regardless, and she's pretty good about getting enough rest.

Our 12-year-old (6th grade) still has a bedtime, which is 9:30--the same time my husband and I go to bed. I don't anticipate that going away until she is in high school, too. I don't think she is mature enough to reliably turn off the lights and go to sleep at a reasonable hour on her own. And kids this age need more sleep than older teenagers, anyway.

[FireKitty]

My son had a school-night bedtime of 8 when he was small and 9 until high school. He attended a private school, and the classes began earlier than public schools (he had to be there at 7:30 a.m.).

[Stagemomma]

We haven't had a bedtime, ever, although there have always been general times when I shooed everyone off to bed. My exhusband refused to help with bedtime, and often kept the kids up late because he came home so late. I just had to let it go for my own sanity.

Don't be so quick to negotiate a bedtime for middle school before it starts. What time does she have to leave the house? What time does middle school start relative to elementary school? Because secondary schools are likely to start earlier than primary schools.

Leaving the house at 7am is the norm for us. Allow an hour to get ready, factor in 8 hours for sleep, that gives you a bedtime of 10pm. 9pm is much better. Mine get home around 2:40, eat lunch (lunch at school is more like a snack) and then fall asleep for a couple of hours. Unless, of course, there is an afterschool activity, in which case they just suffer and make everyone around them suffer due to their sleep deprivation. School is exhausting.

I suggest you tell your daughter to wait and see what school is like in the fall and you'll work it out then. Maybe she can 'test drive' some different bedtimes to see what feels best. This will be a good chance for you to allow her to have some input and control, and if she sees you are being reasonable, she might be willing to meet you halfway. I would not give up on the electronics cut off time, because they will talk/text/snapchat/skype all night if you let them.

Just last week my 15 year old came home and said a guy friend of hers goes to bed at 9pm each night. Voluntarily.

Don't worry about what others do, just do what works for your family.

[mamacatnv]

Electronics have to be off by 11pm - high school sophomore

It was 10, she petitioned for a later time and we agreed as long as she gets herself going in the morning. If I have to drag her butt out of bed then we move the time back.

She actually now regulates pretty well and often takes herself to bed much earlier than 11, just depends on how tired she is. Hubs and I go to bed at 9:30 so its the honor system.

When my DS was in middle/high school he did not have a bed time as he was very good at self regulating and getting himself going in the morning. DD has always needed a bit more assistance

[pythonis]

Up until i was in high school my bedtime was 8:30. Then it was 9:30. Towards the end i pushed for a later bedtime; 10 pm on school nights (thats having school next day) and 11 pm on non school nights).

I had a bedtime up until i moved out.

[Mattie]

I stopped trying to make them adhere to a bedtime at some point during the middle school years. There were plenty of times when they would still be doing homework when I went to bed. As long as they got up on time for school I let them police their sleep needs.

[ScarletG]

We never had a strict bed time.. we knew what we had to do the next day and rested accordingly. We are also all night owls...do we worked that into our family dynamic.

There just isn't one 'rule' for every kid...and a parent shouldn't think there is. Makes sure the individual child gets enough rest to do what they need to the next day...and go from there.

[txtqueen]

Middle school for me.
I was also responsible for setting an alarm and waking up and getting ready for school.
I never had a set bedtime but if I was ever up past 11 my mom started asking questions. I rarely ever was. I usually went to bed around 1030 most nights, earlier if I was tired.
Funny because when I was 19 my mom gave me a curfew with a bedtime 2 hours after it. It's only funny now that I can look back on it.

I don't plan on having a set time. A general time but not a set time.

[Linerin]

Never had a bedtime growing up and don't have one for my children.
When I was a child, my parents had odd work hours so were in bed by about 7:30, there is no way they could've enforced a bedtime even if they had wanted to.

I don't worry aout it with my children. As long as they are doing well in school and sleep doesn't seem to be an issue, I'm not going to push it. I've seen many of my friends pulling their hair out over bedtimes; doesn't seem worth it.