Nephew picky with food..Driving family crazy! (party, meal, picky eater)

[MissL32]

Hi there.
My sister has a son, he has just turned 11 years old and he is super picky with his food. Whenever he and his mother isits my house I hae to make dinner for my husband and children and also my sister but then I have to make a completely different dinner for my nephew. All he eats while he is at my house is burgers and fries, if I give him what everyone one else it having, he doesn't eat and then whines to his mother that I don not feed him.
I have spoken to his Mom about it and she gets very annoyed and on one occasion, got in her car with my nephew and drove home because I brought it up.

Can anyone tell me how I can bring up the issue with my sister or try and ''wean'' him onto foods that everyone eats?

[veuvegirl]

First off this is your nephew, not your son. I am sure your sister is well aware of his habits. I have a very picky son, and I will tell you it is a pain in the butt. Many children are different, my son happens to suffer from anxiety which makes it a bit different from other situations.

If there is a food at a party or over at a friends house that he does not like (he eats about 10 different foods IF that) he will not eat. It has nothing to do with the way I parent my son, it has to do with who he is as a child.

Many parents have had luck with a few different ways to help their kids. Do as you were doing, make dinner every night, put it in front of him. He either eats or he doesn't. He will soon get hungry enough he will try foods.

Other suggestions are put something new on his plate, every day (the same thing). For example my son eats hot dogs. So I will put a piece of cheese on his plate every day for him to try with his hot dog, do this for several weeks. Kids will tend to pick up the new food after a few weeks and try it.

That said, it is your sister's son so she has to be the one to do these actions. I can't tell you how annoyed I get when people look at me and talk to me as if it is my fault my son is a picky eater. I have two kids. My daughter will try anything and everything and loves to eat. It is in the kid's genes. Do not be so fast to judge.

[NCN]

There could be a reason he only likes certain things. Our subconscious guides us sometimes and if a food for instance causes pain the child will associate that food with the pain and will just naturally not eat it. We have a granddaughter who is four today. She did fine until it was time to stop breast feeding and then she started to lose weight. She would just not eat. My poor daughter-in-law has been through it. One doctor suggested she was starving the child and required that she write down everything that she tried to feed the child. She is their doctor no more.

I confess myself that since the daughter-in-law is a size four I thought she might not realize how much a child needs to eat. I found a book that teaches a parent how to feed a child, being the helpful mother-in-law that I am. I feel terrible about thinking that now. It is a wonder she even speaks to me, but my son married a wonderful person.

They finally found a proactive doctor that got to the bottom of it after $18,000 worth of tests plus. Poor little thing has Crohn's disease and a peanut allergy. She is also allergic to some preservatives. So the food she eats has to be natural, preservative and peanut free. She has turned from a sickly child to one with beautiful skin and she is so grown-up after being through so much.

My husband asked our son how they were going to handle all of this now that she was old enough to be in natural child settings where food is served. My son said, watch this, he offered her some nuts and she said, "No, thank you." She is so intelligent that she knows that certain foods make her sick. Oh, I forgot to mention that she drinks only certain milks also. Basically her diet is only fruits and vegetables and she can have dark and not milk chocolate. That is her special treat about once a day. She gets a little square of dark chocolate.

Don't give your sister any more grief. She has enough already. She needs your love and support.

[maciesmom]

He can be a picky eater all he wants to be at his own house. IMO, the problem is that your sister gets irritated if you do not cook another meal for him and he's whiney about it. You are not his parent so no, you don't get to parent him..HOWEVER, at your house you don't have to cook more than one meal. He's eleven. If he chooses not to eat that is his problem, your sister can feed him later or you can show him where you keep the sandwich stuff and tell him to knock himself out....

[FarNorthDallas]

I have a picky eater too and he's been this way since birth. He's 15 and it's getting a little better now. I feed him what he will eat at home, but never outside the home. He has to figure it out on his own away from home. Sometimes he can find something to eat and sometimes he can't and waits until he gets home to eat. He'll go 1-2 days without eating if he doesn't have access to what he can eat. Away at camp or vacationing with friends, who knows how much he eats. I did field a lot of phone calls from concerned people.

He only this year - 9th grade - started eating lunch during the school year (eating at school, he would never take his lunch since he doesn't eat any kind of packed lunch type food like sandwiches). He's very very skinny, of course, since he can't handle a lot of food. His doctor has never expressed concern about him being skinny.

This runs in the family. Not me, but others. Other family members, all adults, have it much worse. Luckily the few things he will eat are fairly healthy.

I wouldn't get involved. Parents don't want to have picky eating children. And you don't want to battle over food and create more problems. You don't have to cater to it. He'll eat when he gets home.

[scarmig]

Not as bad, but reminds me a friend who's kid would always get upset because I never had soda for him. He would pout and whine until his Dad learned to provide his soda himself. After a few years of this, Dad came over to our side and just started telling him, "We have soda at home. They have tea, lemonade, juices, and waters. This is their home and this is what they are offering you."

He hated it, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let a child dictate what I serve in my own home.

[steelstress]

What's the big deal? The kid won't eat what you cook? So the heck what, he won't starve. why are you in such a tizzy over it? His mom knows how he is, it's not your problem. Don't let him dictate to you what you cook for him.

[bellalunatic]

Yep. I'm with maciesmom scarmig and steelstress on this.

When did it become acceptable to make the host feel guilty about not providing separate meals?

Are you running a restaurant?
Your sister should be ashamed of herself getting all pissy with you just because HER SON is a picky eater and is being rude to you and everyone else at YOUR dinner table.
She is missing a MAJOR opportunity to teach her darn son some BASIC manners. But frankly it sounds like she didn't learn to be a gracious guest.
You don't need to worry yourself about being anything but the gracious hostess you have been. Have them over for dinner, (or don't) the 11 year old eats or doesn't so what? He's certainly not going to starve!

[okpondlady]

I wouldn't cook a seperate meal. PERIOD. I may go as far as calling her before they come over and say "This is what we are having for dinner..you might want to pick up or bring Jimmy/Johnny/Joe something he likes." IF she was nice. If she gets pissy I would "forget" to make that call and just serve what I have. They can eat or go somewhere else.

[springfieldva]

Have your sister pack a dinner to bring over for her son to heat up in the microwave. Or your sister could always bring ground beef and french fries over to your house to prepare for her son, herself.

Whichever way is easiest for her.