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In addition, if my adult child took me to court for something like that because she is too lazy to work and earn her way as an adult, I would have serious relationship problems with her for the duration.
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Originally Posted by hypocore
That is just insane and I cannot imagine any enlightened judge ruling in that way. It boggles the mind. That leaves it wide open for a parent to 'force' a child to attend college just because it says one has to pay for it.
Boggled my mind at the time too. Then again, this is the friend who sued her boyfriend's insurance company when she turned 18 because he had an accident while she was in the car at 16. And he was still her boyfriend when she sued!
20 years later, I still won't drive her anywhere. I always say, "I'd rather you drive."
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Originally Posted by steelstress
I've always said, if married parents aren't legally obligated to pay for their kids' college, neither should divorced parents.
I agree to an extent. However, I do understand why the matter is addressed in divorce since it's very common for parents to disagree over who should pay for college. These conflicts aren't left up in the air to be resolved sometime in the future after the divorce. Divorce is final and a decision needs to be made if the parties can't agree.
There's also the issue of providing the same standard of the parents. If one parent has a college degree and a high income, it's reasonable to expect that parent to provide the same standard of living to his children if he decides to divorce an uneducated parent. Sadly, the courts don't take into consideration who initiates the divorce or who is at fault when deciding who should pay what for the children. For example, if the uneducated spouse had an affair, I think the wage earner should get custody of the children since he/she is required to provide a high standard of living for the children. But the courts have muddied the waters when it comes to the issue of paying for college. Now it seems to be included in almost every divorce when a parent has a higher education. TBH, I've never heard of it being in a divorce decree of parents who are uneducated.
Considering all of this, the OP and her exhusband could have both agreed at the time of divorce that they didn't want to be responsible for paying for the daughter's education. If they were the type of parents who strongly believed that children should pay their own way, I think they wouldn't have included that they would split the cost of higher education in their divorce agreement.
Let's face it. People have this stuff in their divorce decrees because they either agreed to it or they couldn't come to an agreement and courts forced it upon them. Divorce is truly a time when parents should come together and find an agreement that is suitable to both parties. I don't blame the courts. I blame the parents for not coming to a fair agreement like mature adults.
Boggled my mind at the time too. Then again, this is the friend who sued her boyfriend's insurance company when she turned 18 because he had an accident while she was in the car at 16. And he was still her boyfriend when she sued!
20 years later, I still won't drive her anywhere. I always say, "I'd rather you drive."
I agree to an extent. However, I do understand why the matter is addressed in divorce since it's very common for parents to disagree over who should pay for college. These conflicts aren't left up in the air to be resolved sometime in the future after the divorce. Divorce is final and a decision needs to be made if the parties can't agree.
There's also the issue of providing the same standard of the parents. If one parent has a college degree and a high income, it's reasonable to expect that parent to provide the same standard of living to his children if he decides to divorce an uneducated parent. Sadly, the courts don't take into consideration who initiates the divorce or who is at fault when deciding who should pay what for the children. For example, if the uneducated spouse had an affair, I think the wage earner should get custody of the children since he/she is required to provide a high standard of living for the children. But the courts have muddied the waters when it comes to the issue of paying for college. Now it seems to be included in almost every divorce when a parent has a higher education. TBH, I've never heard of it being in a divorce decree of parents who are uneducated.
Considering all of this, the OP and her exhusband could have both agreed at the time of divorce that they didn't want to be responsible for paying for the daughter's education. If they were the type of parents who strongly believed that children should pay their own way, I think they wouldn't have included that they would split the cost of higher education in their divorce agreement.
Let's face it. People have this stuff in their divorce decrees because they either agreed to it or they couldn't come to an agreement and courts forced it upon them. Divorce is truly a time when parents should come together and find an agreement that is suitable to both parties. I don't blame the courts. I blame the parents for not coming to a fair agreement like mature adults.
I wouldn't drive her either!
As far as the parent being educated or not, in my experience that has no bearing on whether or not it's in the decree. 14 years ago it wasn't a point brought up by my lawyer at all as it simply wasn't standard procedure and sadly I didn't think about it at all, so there was nothing in mine.
According to my cousin, who is a family law lawyer, it's only been in about the last 10 years that the issue of paying for college has become standard discussion in divorces and if a lawyer doesn't get it in the decree, the judge will insist on it.
They still shouldn't be forced to pay for it. I don't care how high an education one has or how much the parent makes, it still shouldn't be forced. Shouldn't even be part of the divorce settlement. Should be an arrangement between the kid and parents, not the courts.
They still shouldn't be forced to pay for it. I don't care how high an education one has or how much the parent makes, it still shouldn't be forced. Shouldn't even be part of the divorce settlement. Should be an arrangement between the kid and parents, not the courts.
Absolutely. The girl needs to be responsible for her future in some way.
Absolutely. The girl needs to be responsible for her future in some way.
Yes. They can cut costs by starting at a 2-year community college for her associates degree, then transfer to a 4 year after that. Much more affordable.
Yes. They can cut costs by starting at a 2-year community college for her associates degree, then transfer to a 4 year after that. Much more affordable.
how do you know she isn't attending a community college now?
They still shouldn't be forced to pay for it. I don't care how high an education one has or how much the parent makes, it still shouldn't be forced. Shouldn't even be part of the divorce settlement.
When there is a divorce, the parents need to come to an agreement about paying for college at the time of divorce. Marriage is a financial contract in the eyes of the law. A divorce disolves and settles the contract. In that regard, it should be part of the divorce agreement. Parents might not stop being parents when they are divorced, but they do stop making joint financial decisions. All financial decisions should be resolved and agreed upon at the time of divorce.
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Originally Posted by steelstress
Should be an arrangement between the kid and parents, not the courts.
Parents who view it that way need to be mature enough to agree upon that at the time of divorce. Sadly, many people can't agree upon anything during a divorce and the court is left to decide for them.
She seems to have a different idea of what obligations parents and children should have while a child is in college.
She didn't come here asking if her daughter should work. She wants the father to pay. Period.
Right, and the general consensus is that he shouldn't have to pay for transportation.
And since the mother doesn't think the child should have to help out while she's in college, and the mother is so concerned about furnishing the daughter with a car, the mother should be the one to furnish the car.
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