I found my daughter with another girl (legal, spanking, mature)
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If you think there is a chance that your daughter did not think she was breaking the house rules (maybe the rules were "no boys allowed" or something), then I would talk to her about rules in terms of making sure she understands them, and not that she broke them. This could even be a good way to help the situation, depending on how strict and clear your house rules are.
I know this may not be the case, it's just a thought.
Also, I agree with the posters that said to talk to your daughter and mend the relationship before talking about rule breaking.
You seem to be a very emotional type. I suggest you get a grip on yourself. What has your daughter said? Anything? IS she a lesbian, or was she just experimenting?
I do not have any gay children, but in our circle of close friends there are four families who do, so I have some knowledge about what a blow it can be if you didn't see it coming. I can only tell you that after the initial shock and disbelief, it doesn't take long to realize that your child is just the same person she was on January 9th.
All the hopes you have for her should not change because of your daughter's sexual preference. She'll, hopefully, be happy, get a good education, be successful, and find someone to love.
Accept her and love her or you will wind up estranged from her. I've seen mothers who can't let go of the control they maintain over their chuldren and it always turns out badly.
Good points (last 2 posters). Re- the comment about control-- She very well may be rebelling against you because she knows this is exactly the thing that would make you freak out the most. And, it sure worked!! By the way,, you're already thinking they 'had sex'.... did it ever occur to you they may not have actually done anything? They might have just been hanging out in the bed (curious about what the other looked like), giggling and talking about boys... it's a possibility.
Hey montaukmadness, both of us are very sorry and a little appalled at some of the acrimonious posts you got here.
Some of you said that homosexuality was bad etc etc etc which is exactly one of the reasons this Mom reacted the way she did. She's terrified of her daughter being, at any time , at your mercy (of which you demonstrate none). She's afraid for her daughter, and you know what? Sometimes when we get afraid we get angry, then when we get angry we hurt.
Montaukmadness, you need each other right now. Is she gay? Is she Bi? Was she just experimenting? (my (Doug's) sister did this, then went on to marry and is still married to the guy 25 years later with two grown sons.) If she's gay, she's facing an uphill battle and your love will be the thing that gives her the strength and bravery she'll need. Gay women do have kids you know.
Be patient with yourself, and her. If there's anything, anything either one of us can say to help you get through this, please feel free to message us, rather than try withstand the polarity in the forums.
For those of you that have been so supportive, THANK YOU! This is site impresses us every day with good people like you!
sincerely and respectfully, -Doug and Bill of thosemeninlove
Last edited by thosemeninlove; 01-31-2010 at 09:32 PM..
To the OP,
I've raised teenagers. I understand how things they do can hurt, and how we parents can easily over-react. As an older parent -- and grandparent -- let me just say that you need to apologize to your daughter and tell her you'll try to do better in the future. That's the first step. THEN talk to her about house rules, etc. (Personally, I'd rather my teenager was having sex in my house than elsewhere, but that's your decision. I'd just tell her she's a little young to be experimenting with other people.)
But you've got to talk to her and set things right or you risk losing her forever. Please take it upon yourself. YOU are the adult here. Take charge. Don't point fingers and lay blame. Get this last episode straightened out and then worry about preventing the next one. If you don't do this, you could easily lose your daughter and your future grandkids for the rest of your life. That would be a shame for you AND your daughter AND your future grandkids/great grandkids.
I just wanted to say that this is the most important advice in this thread.
The OP does need to apologize because she does risk losing her child and future grandchildren if she doesn't overcome her issues.
I have ALWAYS apologized to my children when I haven't handled something well.
Parents can't expect children to be accountable for their actions if the parents don't take responsibility for their own actions.
This isn't a time for excuses and crutches (anxiety/panic issues). This is a time for a sincere apology.
Am I the only one who thinks this is a bogus post? "Mom" here is probably a guy getting his rocks off seeing how you react to a scenario of his fantasies.
No you aren't, it's the first thing I think of when a newbie post's something off the wall and super ignorant.
I'm with Ceece and Cava, I think this is a trolling thread set up for entertainment. The entertainment of the OP
You know, the worst thing is when a person behind the computer is going through a real problem and after sharing it, being accused of being a fake. There is always an option to just not reply if you think the thread is posted by a troll.
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