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I feel a certain sense of responsibility to pay for my kids college. Obviously you do what you can on your budget, but the burden of debt these kids are going to have is just unbelievable. You can still teach kids the value of hard work and still pay for their college. Just because some of you had it tough growing up, doesn't mean your kids have to work two jobs, have no social life, and be burdened with debt as well. Today's kids will have it much tougher than we ever had unless we help.
I hear what you are saying. I believe in helping as much as is reasonable. You mention why burden them with debt and no social life. I think kids now a days live beyond their means because the parents just hand out and hand out because they want their children to have everything. My spouse and I are both professionals and we believe in making our kids earn nearly everything that they want. We are not going to promote "keeping up with the Jones". My 2 older sons are very self sufficient. They have college educations, married and provide for themselves.The 3rd son we tended to give into more, and now he is out of college, he has a tough time. He tries to live beyond his means and now is having a tough time that we are not helping him out. Our 4th son is in his 2nd yr of college.
It just kills me when I see my friends working hard to pay off loans and retirement is a few years away, their kids graduate "have a life" and the parents don't! These kids are a heck of alot younger than we are, we had to figure it out and survived! They will too.
So it's your parents fault that you didn't want to take on the burden of debt? You would have been fine going as long as the burden of debt was theirs?
Look, I don't advocate not helping at all, I just feel that a portion of that burden does belong to my kids. If it doesn't matter enought to someone to make that investment in oneself, why should it matter to anyone else?
At 18 I wasn't willing to take on the full responsibility of the debt - it was the stupidest decision I ever made and looking back now I definitely would have done whatever it took, but at the time their refusal to even consider contributing just made it seem impossible. I didn't need them to pay for it all, or even most, but paying for it all was just too scary for me.
For those who don't intend to pay/help, what would you do if your child decided they didn't want to take on the burden of the debt and skipped college altogether? That's what I did and it is one of my biggest regrets in life. And my parents didn't care one bit.
If they choose to skip college then that is on them. If they were willing to not go simply because they would have to pay for it and take out loans, then that doesn't speak much to their ethic and desire to get that education. Seems like spending my money might have been a bit of a waste...no offense.
As I said earlier, my wife and I have been saving money for each child since they were born. All money they receive goes into their accounts, we deposit their share of our tax return (child credit) into their accounts and the grandparents contribute as well. All told they are on track to have upwards of $45k+ each at age 18 depending on how well their investments do. This represents the BEST that my wife and I can do for them without jeopardizing our finances or retirement savings.
What they do with the money is ultimately up to them. We figure it may put a big chunk into college tuition, pay for a wedding or a down payment on a house, or just serve as a real nice nest egg. We do not plan on taking another dime out of our pockets to help them on their way. This money if used right will carry them far, but it won't pay the way for them. The only "extra" we plan on doing for each kid is buying them their first car so that they have something safe and dependable and that is something we are able to do because of my line of work.
This setup also guarantees that my wife and I won't be showing up on their doorsteps complaining we can't afford our prescriptions this month when we are older. I feel that not being a financial burden to my kids in the future is as much a gift as paying for college.
The other thing I like about this is that it's FAIR. With three kids, each will get an equal gift from mom and dad to start their adult life. No one will be complaining that we paid $200k for DS's education while DD1's only cost $75k so we "owe" her $125k, blah, blah, blah, which happens more often than people like to admit.
Why should it be the parent's total responsibility to pay all of the tuition and get saddled down with loans? For instance, a parent who is 50 has an 18 yr old going to college. Who has more time left to pay off the loans..the parent who has maybe 15 more yrs of work life OR the 22 yr old graduate who has 40 yrs of life left to pay off the loans?
It's a parent's responsibility to provide for a child's needs. In today's world, a 4 year degree is the bare minimum needed for any type of success, much perhaps as a HS degree was many years ago. (I know, there are those successful without one, e.g., Bill Gates, but don't count on your kid being the next instant billionaire.) If you aspire for your child to be a Wal-Mart clerk, then that's your dream and you can choose to not provide. I grew up poor and worked hard to get where I am. I'm not spoiling her, but I want my child to have an easier path than I did as I never received the right support at home since I was the first in my family to attend college.
My balance point was "Do I fund my child's education or do I finish my basement?" Not a hard choice there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tarragon
The 22 yr old will graduate, marry, have kids etc., live a life free of loans while Grandma & Grandpa are working the last of their years to hope to have money for retirement! Sorry, I think that kids now a days are way too spoiled. They will appreciate their education so much more if they have to work to earn it. I have 4 sons who have attended college, with my 4th son now a second yr student. He maintains a 3.89 GPA and he is going to have to pay back his loans. We only help to a certain point and that is it.
And then it will be his turn to make an effort to provide for his children's future. The baton passes from generation to generation. I agree with making a child participate in paying, but graduating with a six figure loan is not a lesson I'd feel good about passing along. And doing it for four children is *much* harder than for one, so our situations are quite different. Reasonably saying "I've done all I can do." is not the same as "That's it - you're on your own now 'cos I choose to not do any more!"
There are alternatives also. I found an employer to pay 100% for completion of my BS and my graduate work.
My balance point was "Do I fund my child's education or do I finish my basement?" Not a hard choice there.
Yes, this is not a hard choice but parents should not forget their retirement. My mom has very little money for retirement but my husband's parents have saved. So not only do we have to plan for our retirement and help our daughter with college, we have to buy a larger house because we welcomed our aging parents to live with us instead of being alone.
I don't want my kids to have the burden of working and schooling at the same time. I want them to focus on their studies. However I do advocate summer jobs, and working around the Holidays to pay for that spend money they will need.
While I understand this sentiment, I have often found (in college and in life) that (in general) the people who accomplish the most are also the ones who have the most on their plate.
There are alternatives also. I found an employer to pay 100% for completion of my BS and my graduate work.
In this economy some employers wont even consider you if you dont have a Bachelors degree so its very difficult to find employers who will accept you without one.
It's near impossible to get a decent job without a bachelors degree in this country. Overseas I was Finance & Accounting manager responsible for over EUR 1 million in annual revenue. I had over a decade of experience in my field. The only job I have managed to even get an interview for in the last four years in this country was the temp job I've been doing for the last three and a half years. Every single client I had wanted to hire me and then wasn't able to because I don't have a degree.
It's near impossible to get a decent job without a bachelors degree in this country. Overseas I was Finance & Accounting manager responsible for over EUR 1 million in annual revenue. I had over a decade of experience in my field. The only job I have managed to even get an interview for in the last four years in this country was the temp job I've been doing for the last three and a half years. Every single client I had wanted to hire me and then wasn't able to because I don't have a degree.
Have you considered going back? Take some online courses to start with - places like University of Phoenix etc specialize in adult "non-traditional" students. It's never too late.
ETA - you may be able to get college credits for your work experience.
Last edited by maciesmom; 10-14-2010 at 05:28 PM..
Some good points about retirement vs. kids education. For those that are in a bind and don't have time to catch up you definitely have to consider your retirement as a priority.
My Wifes Parent's can't rub two nickles together so not only do I have to support my children through college, our own retirment, now I have to support my Wifes parents!!..........ugh
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Kids vs retirement
