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If your child reaches developmental milestones at day care, would you want the provider to tell you? Or would you rather not know so you can be excited when he/she does it at home "for the first time?"
Would you want the provider to tell you other new things your child is doing, such as playing peek-a-boo, saying new words, etc...?
I provide child care for my friends' little one. He learns something new nearly every day here. I tell his mom about the little things. Her reaction is hard to read, but it seems as though she is upset to have missed out... that she isn't the one who taught him these things. It doesn't seem right to not tell her anything though. He will probably take his first steps when he is with me. I think I shouldn't tell his mom when he does. She asked me the other day if he calls me, "mama." I told her he doesn't, when in fact he does. I hate to be dishonest, but hate to upset her. He is also starting to throw a screaming fit when she comes to pick him up. It's awful. He cries and reaches for me when she picks him up. She says the same thing to him every time... "Sorry. I know Miss ___ is much more fun than mommy." Is there something I can do to make her feel better or to improve this situation?
If your child reaches developmental milestones at day care, would you want the provider to tell you? Or would you rather not know so you can be excited when he/she does it at home "for the first time?"
Would you want the provider to tell you other new things your child is doing, such as playing peek-a-boo, saying new words, etc...?
I provide child care for my friends' little one. He learns something new nearly every day here. I tell his mom about the little things. Her reaction is hard to read, but it seems as though she is upset to have missed out... that she isn't the one who taught him these things. It doesn't seem right to not tell her anything though. He will probably take his first steps when he is with me. I think I shouldn't tell his mom when he does. She asked me the other day if he calls me, "mama." I told her he doesn't, when in fact he does. I hate to be dishonest, but hate to upset her. He is also starting to throw a screaming fit when she comes to pick him up. It's awful. He cries and reaches for me when she picks him up. She says the same thing to him every time... "Sorry. I know Miss ___ is much more fun than mommy." Is there something I can do to make her feel better or to improve this situation?
How old is the little one? How many hours does the baby spend with you vs. with his mom? I watched a little boy once but he was well bonded to his mom. If the mom is not bonding with her son I don't know what you can do about it.
If your child reaches developmental milestones at day care, would you want the provider to tell you? Or would you rather not know so you can be excited when he/she does it at home "for the first time?"
Would you want the provider to tell you other new things your child is doing, such as playing peek-a-boo, saying new words, etc...?
I provide child care for my friends' little one. He learns something new nearly every day here. I tell his mom about the little things. Her reaction is hard to read, but it seems as though she is upset to have missed out... that she isn't the one who taught him these things. It doesn't seem right to not tell her anything though. He will probably take his first steps when he is with me. I think I shouldn't tell his mom when he does. She asked me the other day if he calls me, "mama." I told her he doesn't, when in fact he does. I hate to be dishonest, but hate to upset her. He is also starting to throw a screaming fit when she comes to pick him up. It's awful. He cries and reaches for me when she picks him up. She says the same thing to him every time... "Sorry. I know Miss ___ is much more fun than mommy." Is there something I can do to make her feel better or to improve this situation?
I think it would matter more to me when I saw my child's first milestones rather than when she actually did them. First smile, first laugh, first steps, etc....
If I had my child with a care giver, I would love for her to tell me what my child has accomplished/learned during the day. Of course, I may have a tinge of disappointment at first but so long as the baby did it for me, too, I wouldn't be that upset about it. I never had my child in any type of child care, day care, babysitting, etc, though so I really can't say for sure how I would react --- only how I think I would react to it.
How many hours a day is the child with you? Since you're the caregiver and providing the care and comfort the child needs for a majority of the day, of course the child is going to be bonded to you. I had taken care of a friends 4 children while she was out fooling around, cheating on her husband, and running everywhere except home to be with her kids. Her 2 youngest (ages 3 & 5 at the time) used to call me "mama" and would go to me if they were sick, hurt, etc before they would go to her.
There's really not much you can do. You're being paid to do a job and you're doing your job. HER job is to be the child's mother. At the end of her workday, she may be too exhausted and simply takes the child home, feeds him, bathes him, and puts him to bed. Not much bonding time if that's the case.
Oh my, this reminds me of a conversation I had with someone who worked at a daycare. She mentioned she never told the parents about all those important firsts. She'd just tell them, "he/she is trying to walk and should take his/her first steps at any moment!" Then she lets them tell her all about it, when in fact, she had already witnessed it.
Oh my, this reminds me of a conversation I had with someone who worked at a daycare. She mentioned she never told the parents about all those important firsts. She'd just tell them, "he/she is trying to walk and should take his/her first steps at any moment!" Then she lets them tell her all about it, when in fact, she had already witnessed it.
I think this is a great way to handle this. I didn't work when my kids were little but I would have been sad if the daycare provider told me about all the firsts. I think this would be a good way to deal with that.
when i worked in daycare, i was told never to tell parents such milestones. when the child took their first step. we would wait a day or so, and the parent would come in and beam with happiness at witnessing it. i felt bad, but as a parent myself, i know i used to get upset coming home and finding my little one had done something new and missing it.
i am sure the parents either know or kid themselves into thinking they were the first to see it....
I've been in that situation many times and I think it's all in the way it's related, both through tone and attitude, more than the fact it's occurred.
When you have a parent, particularly moms, that seems to be upset over such things it's typically due to one of two reasons. Either they are feeling guilty about working or they are feeling jealous that it's not them seeing it first.
The best thing I found for either situation was to filter how much you share and then when you do share, do it in a way that includes them. Take a picture or video of the child and show or give it to them. Explain you thought they might want to scrapbook it with 'First time they walked at Miss X's' right along side 'First time they walked for mom' and maybe they will see it as two separate firsts and not focus on the actual first. Heck the child may have accomplished a milestone without ANYONE seeing it the first time!
Of course you can always fudge a little bit and say you *think* they walked or they *almost* walked. Ask them if they see it coming too. These comments will put them on the lookout and they will more accepting if it happens in with someone else. It could easily happen with a grandparent, babysitter or with husband and the wife still misses it.
You could always ask the mom what she would prefer....I would tend to think most moms will want to think they are the first to observe these milestones. In general, I think the situation mentioned by steelstress is a thoughtful way to handle it.
As a working mom with a 1 yr old who spends the majority of the day during the week in daycare, I can say that I would not want to know if my son reached any major milestones when I wasn't there to see it. This is also my first child which makes those "firsts" even more special for me so if he does reach them when I not around, I hope my daycare providers lie, lie, lie!! I will live happily in my ignorance :O)
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