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fact is you guys ,all i wanted was advice from not just one person and i got what i wanted, my son just turned 19 and i consider him a young adult, when i seen him get his black belt in march of 09, i knew there was a good chance of him getting hurt, he had to fight older black belts (5) at one time to get his belt, and he did get hurt,a few broken ribs and some bad bruises, i knew it would'nt be permenent bodily harm, what im tring to express is i'm ok with things in life that he has to learn lessons on, however i knew he was ready to get his black belt rank and could handle it, i also know what this girl is up to
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
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I'm so sorry about this situation. You seem like a dad who really cares about his son – and you are older, so you know the consequences of actions. I commend you on your caring attitude.
As you already know, we cannot control our children's lives – we'd often love to, but we can't. This is one of those unfortunate situations where either he is going to come out the other side older and wiser, or fall into a pit.
I think that being there as a support, just telling him you love him, that no matter what happens you are there for him, but he's an adult now and must live by adult rules, is probably the only way to go.
I know very well that one person actually can ruin an individual's life. I don't care if the person got involved and knew that there was trouble ahead, or if the person was involved and was unaware of the trouble ahead. The fact remains that there are many scattered lives around the world that have been ruined by just one single person. There are too many examples to list, but you read and hear about them all the time on the news, and in your own personal lives, you probably know of some individuals whose lives were ruined by just one person. It's not an exaggeration – whether it be by knowing you're stepping into a "dangerous" situation or not – the fact remains that some lives really are ruined by one individual.
Unfortunately, you cannot live your son's life for him. He knows you love him, he knows you are supportive, and I think that sometimes you just need to throw the deck of cards up into the air and see where they fall – you won't know how until you toss them. The same with your son – it is with great sadness when we see a friend, family member or co-worker, not see what is in front of them. And sometimes no one sees it.
I think you might want to try to come to the point of acceptance that it is what it is. If you could live his life for him in the way you know is best at this point in time, I am sure you would – but you can't.
This is not to be harsh, nor a condemnation. It is merely fact. Our hearts are entwined so deeply with our children that it is so difficult to let them spread their wings, even if one of those wings may be broken or injured. They need to learn to fly, if they are injured they need to heal. You cannot do it for him.
I know everyone is saying he is an "adult," and all that. But he is still your child. Yet, the harsh reality is, you cannot control his actions. Be there for him, make sure he knows you love him, and wish for the best. Only time will tell how his story will unfold.
Good luck to you – it is good to hear about a father who cares so deeply for his son.
I'm so sorry about this situation. You seem like a dad who really cares about his son – and you are older, so you know the consequences of actions. I commend you on your caring attitude.
As you already know, we cannot control our children's lives – we'd often love to, but we can't. This is one of those unfortunate situations where either he is going to come out the other side older and wiser, or fall into a pit.
I think that being there as a support, just telling him you love him, that no matter what happens you are there for him, but he's an adult now and must live by adult rules, is probably the only way to go.
I know very well that one person actually can ruin an individual's life. I don't care if the person got involved and knew that there was trouble ahead, or if the person was involved and was unaware of the trouble ahead. The fact remains that there are many scattered lives around the world that have been ruined by just one single person. There are too many examples to list, but you read and hear about them all the time on the news, and in your own personal lives, you probably know of some individuals whose lives were ruined by just one person. It's not an exaggeration – whether it be by knowing you're stepping into a "dangerous" situation or not – the fact remains that some lives really are ruined by one individual.
Unfortunately, you cannot live your son's life for him. He knows you love him, he knows you are supportive, and I think that sometimes you just need to throw the deck of cards up into the air and see where they fall – you won't know how until you toss them. The same with your son – it is with great sadness when we see a friend, family member or co-worker, not see what is in front of them. And sometimes no one sees it.
I think you might want to try to come to the point of acceptance that it is what it is. If you could live his life for him in the way you know is best at this point in time, I am sure you would – but you can't.
This is not to be harsh, nor a condemnation. It is merely fact. Our hearts are entwined so deeply with our children that it is so difficult to let them spread their wings, even if one of those wings may be broken or injured. They need to learn to fly, if they are injured they need to heal. You cannot do it for him.
I know everyone is saying he is an "adult," and all that. But he is still your child. Yet, the harsh reality is, you cannot control his actions. Be there for him, make sure he knows you love him, and wish for the best. Only time will tell how his story will unfold.
Good luck to you – it is good to hear about a father who cares so deeply for his son.
Wise words. And as I've pointed out, though he is legally old enough to vote he is STILL just a teen.
You know, there's a reason we don't let kids under 21 buy alcohol. And that reason is because kids under 21 are not finished maturing to the point where they will always make good, safe decisions.
In fact, studies have proven that the male brain does not stop growing and reach "maturity" in decision-making until closer to age 25. Sadly, that leaves plenty of room for young men to really screw up their lives from the time they are "legal" to the time they've really full grown men.
Any parent who loves their child and is very committed to their future would be concerned about "doing something" to help their kid if they became ensnared like this young man has. Sure, eventually this young man may figure his way of out this thing on his own, but at what price?? His dad is trying to minimize the damage to his kids future, and I don't blame him. People whose parents drop them like a hot potatoe when they become young adults, whose parents fail to mentor them into adulthood end up stunted in their potential career paths, sometimes without finishing their educations, and just not where they could have been in life.
I too commend RC for being such a good dad, and I appreciate your supportive post.
Wisteria > thank you for the wisdom, i know in my heart your exactly right, and i have talked to my son just last night and told him that i was there for him no matter what, and loved him, you know it wasnt 2 hours after that he called me, and said she wanted to meet with him and talk, he said daddy please talk me out of going, i simply said (son shes gonna hurt you over and over, you need to step up and be a man) and he didnt meet her, so maybe me just backing off is gonna help alot, thanks a bunch
Wisteria > thank you for the wisdom, i know in my heart your exactly right, and i have talked to my son just last night and told him that i was there for him no matter what, and loved him, you know it wasnt 2 hours after that he called me, and said she wanted to meet with him and talk, he said daddy please talk me out of going, i simply said (son shes gonna hurt you over and over, you need to step up and be a man) and he didnt meet her, so maybe me just backing off is gonna help alot, thanks a bunch
Baby steps RC, just hang in there! Remember what I told you - that when he really gets that you have his back and love him more than she really does, he'll start taking your advice
Very true. My daughter was dating a boy, who was a nice kid, but too many problems, issues, and baggage. We choose to say nothing, and let her figure this out. It was very difficult. Especially with an "adult child", who was making some very bad choices. We did tell her we thought that leaving college was a mistake. We wisely said nothing about her trailer trash skin head, tattoo, pierced boyfriend, whose Mother is a welfare queen with six other children by different Daddies. Did I forget to mention he is a drop out, and unemployed? My daughter found him a job...
This ran its course, and she is now grateful to have supportive parents who are helping her bail from this mess. I know my daughter, she is very much like me, and would have preferred to be miserable than admit she was a wrong. If we had fought, and argued, she would have vehemently defended him...
Remember the power of young love, hormones, and all that. Anything you say is powerless against that...
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