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my son is in love with a terrible evil girl, and has let her abuse him for 3 years now, im sure you want to know the reasons we dislike this girl, well first off she came to my house with her mother and sit on my couch and said your son got me pregnant and im not having this baby,her excuse was "im not going to mess my body up" my son was 17 at the time and she was 18, my son has caught her with prolly 12 guys, 5 of them being his good friends (good friends huh). she has scratched his face scaring him, among other places too, she has cussed me and my wife out a number of times, see she breaks up with him and then as soon as my son starts talking to another girl, the devil comes back and starts a big fight and acts like she wants him back, this girl has told my son if they ever had a baby ,me or my wife wont ever see it, i have tried to talk to my son and he lies and says hes not seeing her anymore ect...., see we dont want to punish him for someone he thinks he loves, but since i pay for his car, insurance, gas, college, food, clothes, home, everything !!, i want to sometimes cut him off, but on the other hand hes a good kid, he finished high school without any problems, never been in trouble with the cops, in fact thats what he is in college for, hes in his 2ond semester getting his criminal justice degree and passing, see since we are against him seeing her it causes major problems here at home, i keep thinking he would learn after awhile but he keeps chasing her until she gives in, please help me make a decision on what to do, we love our son but he sometimes disrespects us because of her, she tells him we brainwash him,she calls him a q****, and puts him down so bad, he asked me sunday if he could do better then her, his self esteem must be low, also we have done 6 police reports (within 6 months) on her from her attacking my son ,
i know some people will say just tell him you dont want to hear anything about the relationship, but its very hard to not say anything when your son comes home with his face scratched up ,help please
Last edited by RCHUNN; 02-08-2010 at 08:41 PM..
Reason: forgot a few things
we love our son but he sometimes disrespects us because of her
This is the only part you can do anything about. If he disrespects you again tell him you will cut financial ties. Everything else stay out of it. Tell him you do not want to hear anything about their relationship. Period. End of story. Then pray they do not have a baby.
my son is in love with a terrible evil girl, and has let her abuse him for 3 years now, im sure you want to know the reasons we dislike this girl, well first off she came to my house with her mother and sit on my couch and said your son got me pregnant and im not having this baby,her excuse was "im not going to mess my body up" my son was 17 at the time and she was 18, my son has caught her with prolly 12 guys, 5 of them being his good friends (good friends huh). she has scratched his face scaring him, among other places too, she has cussed me and my wife out a number of times, see she breaks up with him and then as soon as my son starts talking to another girl, the devil comes back and starts a big fight and acts like she wants him back, this girl has told my son if they ever had a baby ,me or my wife wont ever see it, i have tried to talk to my son and he lies and says hes not seeing her anymore ect...., see we dont want to punish him for someone he thinks he loves, but since i pay for his car, insurance, gas, college, food, clothes, home, everything !!, i want to sometimes cut him off, but on the other hand hes a good kid, he finished high school without any problems, never been in trouble with the cops, in fact thats what he is in college for, hes in his 2ond semester getting his criminal justice degree and passing, see since we are against him seeing her it causes major problems here at home, i keep thinking he would learn after awhile but he keeps chasing her until she gives in, please help me make a decision on what to do, we love our son but he sometimes disrespects us because of her, she tells him we brainwash him,she calls him a *****, and puts him down so bad, he asked me sunday if he could do better then her, his self esteem must be low, help please
Just curious...did you have him when you were a teen yourself?
I pretty much have to agree with Suzie. Having raised sons, I can tell you the more you point out how worthless she is, the more he will defend her (or feel she is the underdog and silently take up for her).
The question is - why is your son's self-worth so low that he will continue allowing himself to be treated this way by a girl? If you could get him into some kind of counseling, perhaps that question could be answered. Sometimes, colleges have peer counseling which is very helpful to situations such as this and is no-cost. I would check to find out what is available thru/ his school.
As for the pregnancy, thank your lucky stars that they didn't have a baby at that age.
I don't know that I would tell him I am cutting him off if he disrespects me, but I sure would give some sort of consequence for it. If you cut him off, he is pretty much doomed to turn to this gal even more and get off track so badly that he won't finish up school.
Suzie is also right about his talking to you about this girl. I would tell him that he really would get better advice from a third party - hence - counseling. He won't have a reason to lie to you if you all are not asking a lot of questions about their relationship.
As far as what you need to tell him when you discuss the rules with him . . . I would explain how it breaks your heart to see him treated badly, but that you respect that this is his relationship and he is the one who has to decide what he is worthy of and how he wants a woman to treat him the rest of his life. And that is why you want him to talk to someone else who can give him some insight into how to better handle that relationship and planning for his future.
Good luck - it is a terrible situation when you see your son on a slippery slope where his future could get so easily ruined just b/c of some trashy gal.
Men who are victims of domestic violence carry a certain shame with them in their silence and acceptance of the situation. He could be defensive because he is ashamed to admit what is really going on.
Perhaps he needs to read the following so he can consider the relationship himself without feeling as though his parents are judging him or pushing him.
Mountains > i was 26 years old when he was born
Anafan > i know a baby at that age, my son sure wouldnt had a chance, its not that she aborted the baby (that was on her) but the reason she gave
Mountains > i was 26 years old when he was born
Anafan > i know a baby at that age, my son sure wouldnt had a chance, its not that she aborted the baby (that was on her) but the reason she gave
thanks for your fast responces
Okay, thanks. Was just wondering because you write so young I was thinking that maybe some of what you are seeing happen with him now is because you were more like friends than parent and son. But forget that theory. A manipulative young woman who has preyed upon an inexperienced young guy just ticks me off too and I'm sorry your son is in this situation.
You have to be careful though that HE sees her for who she is, because he's never going to just believe it by hearing you say it. Stop fighting with him and make sure he understands you are on his side. This means you have to walk a fine line when it comes to saying anything about her. She, the fool that she is, will however continue to say bad things about YOU. When he is only getting bombarded from one side it will become clearer to him who REALLY cares about him, and it ain't her.
Mountains > see we have used that approach before, we acted like we just didnt care if he seen her and told him we didnt want to hear it at all, and it worked they usually broke up, i think it was because there was no fight/dramma anymore, she loves a fight, but me and my wife dont, we are just tring to protect our son
He is a man. Let him fight his own fights. He will feel better about himself when he does.
He's 19, emphasis on the nineTEEN, he's no man yet
Is the genders were reversed and this was a daughter we were talking about with an abusive, manipulative boyfriend would you say the same thing? I sure hope not.
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