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Unfortunately we parents don't get an instruction manual when kids are born (i.e. we all make mistakes), but usually a good heart-to-heart talk can help clear the air.
Wait, you mean you didn't get your instruction manual when you kids were born? You must've been absent the day they passed those out
I am so sorry your parents are not in sync with you. It sounds like they are clueless when it comes to your feelings, but I am sure they love you eventhough they can't express it well.
The good news is that you are about to graduate from high school with a good GPA and the next part of your life will be what you make it. You definitely need to go away to college and live in a dorm. It is a whole new world where you will be able to become them man you want to be.
Hang in there, try not to fight with your parents or let them upset you, and start getting prepared for college. Keep your mind focused on that goal and let the other stuff go. Enjoy your life and know that many of us survived childhood and went on to have really great lives despite our parents. Though no one can change the past, my friend, the future is yours to create. Best wishes!
Thanks everyone for your great replies. they made me feel tons better. I'm glad there are such nice people on this forum =]
I'm going to print the first page out and leave it on the counter with a note. I figured it'd be better than just handing it to them and standing there lol. I'll tell you guys how it goes!
Alright, a little background first. I am 17 years old male junior in high school and will be graduating soon. I honestly don't know what to think anymore. My parents are becoming the sole cause of stress in my life, and I am starting to just hate being in the same house as them. This may be long, so bear with me.
my mother and father are both very good people, and I honestly mean that. they have decent paying jobs (my moms in sales and my dad's into engineering), they've never laid a hand on me or my 2 brothers, and are never out drinking or clubbing or anything like that (not that that's bad; it just goes to show that they are straight-and-narrow types).
At the same time, I'm coming to understand that they just don't like me. I'm not saying this to be immature "I'm going to go slit my wrists and listen to sad music" type. I've thought this out in detail and there's literally NOTHING else I can come up with.
I have never been in trouble with the law. I dont do drugs, smoke, or drink. I have a 3.2 overall GPA, I have 4-5 close friends that they know and like, and I'm in lots of activities like band, the school newspaper, and a "just say no"-type anti-drug group. I've gone through high school proud of who I am, and the fact that I don't give into peer pressure or make bad choices.
Do they appreciate this? Hell no. Whenever I screw up, they get on me like it's field day. They never congratulate me on my achievements. Whenever they see my report card, I literally get a nod and "good job", then get yelled at for leaving a can of coke on the desk in the office. Instead of being congratulated for what I do right, I get nagged about not getting my liscense soon enough, although I have my permit and promised to sign up for courses in the spring. Whenever I have an article in the newspaper, I get calls from my grandparents, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins all discussing the article with me, telling me what they liked and disliked, how good they thought it was... and a "nice article you have there...*goes back to washing dishes and doesn't mention it again*" from my own parents. I've been told that I'm a "lazy-ass", "you're a weirdo", "you never do anything around here", "why don't you loose some weight", "you belong in a psych ward " [very hurtful, that one is, because I do have slight mental illness and take some medication].
This kind of thing is a daily occurence. Now, normally, I would just shrug it off and say "whatever, I have lots of other people who care about me", but now that I am becoming older and more mature it is seriously getting to me for 2 reasons:
1.) My two brothers. Oh, those two are the best thing since sliced bread! Why? Because they play sports. Football, track, baseball, you name it, they play it and damn good. MVP baseball player, my younger brother in 8th grade was offered scholarships already, and his name is well known in our area. Same thing with the other brother, though he is more of a track star. Both have won medals in the Jr. Olympics- one in third place for the 200-meter and the other in second for the 400. They have PICTURES of them PLASTERED all over our refrigerator, the house, the walls, the fireplace mantel. Articles that their names were mentioned in for their accomplishments. Medals, trophies, ribbons decorate the living room. Both of my parents leave almost every night for some kind of private training or lessson- as I'm typing this, I've been home alone since 4 PM while they went to their jump-stretch trainer in Cleveland. This weekend I'll be home alone most of the time. And i've come to enjoy it, frankly, gives me more time with the dog and to have friends over. Or maybe just relax with a cup of hot chocolate. But it doesn't help the parent situation at all. They're RUDE, and mean to my parents, call them "stupid" "retarded" "idiots", fight with them daily. But they don't get the same kind of verbal abuse I get. They get a slap on the wrist. I don't understand and this bothers me. Can't they appreciate me for who I am?
2.) It's starting to seep over as I prepare to leave for college. As I said: I have a 3.2 GPA. I got a 24 on my GPA- and a 30 in Reading. I've always meant to stay on-campus, at a dorm. its what I saw myself doing, and based my plans around. Money isn't an issue: my great aunt was a wealthy woman who left us more than enough in our three college funds to pay for whatever college we choose. But what's the problem? They don't want me to go to stay on campus. The first time I bought it up, I was fighting nearly all night with them about it (which I never do, usually I just shrug it off when they make me mad). Eventually they acquiesed, but as long as I got "good grades" while on-campus. I'm scared to know what that entails, but I'll bet I wont make the cut. I informed them that if that happens, and they make me stay here for school somehow, they can expect to not hear from me for a good many years as I will pick up and get the hell out. I have literally no reason to stay here and be ignored for the next 4 years of my life- 18 will be plenty, thank you. And when I say this, I get mocked- "Ha, you'd go nowhere without us. You'll come crying back after a week at college", "I'd like to see you try getting a job" or "I'm just concerned you'll fail and waste our money". Although my brothers get choices. They get Miami U, Boise State, LSU, OSU... I choose relatively inexpensive Kent State just 45 minutes away and i get this BS.
I honestly don't know what to think anymore. I don't hate my parents at all. I have a roof over my head, clothes, food, a cell phone, computer, TV and bed. As i've said, they don't physically abuse me or my brothers and are nice to all of my friends, family, and are pretty upstanding people. I guess part of the reason I posted this was for a MUCH needed rant, so thanks for reading. I used to ignore them, but as I mature and see kids with parents who are involved with them, it hurts more than I'd admit. It hurts bad.
Also, I'd like to get some advice from some parents... how do you feel about my parents behavior? Is my dislike of them warranted, or am I being an ungrateful brat?
Wow. When I read this, it felt exactly like something I could have written. Only I only have one little brother, and he's the one who could do no wrong, despite the fact that we were both achieving, straight-and-narrow kids.
I can only echo the other posts on this thread. You should talk to your parents about this. Maybe show them this post. I tried many times to discuss this with my parents (my mother being the worse of the two offenders), but somehow they turn it around and use it as another excuse to talk about how I suck. And no matter how or what I achieved, there was always a backhanded comment (or no comment at all - certainly never a compliment).
If you can't come to some sort of understanding about this with them, please don't feel bad about yourself. Like you said, there are plenty of other people out there who appreciate you and are willing to show you that in the way you seem to need it. And it's not about you. It's more likely something about how they perceive (or don't perceive) things.
And don't doubt that your parents love you. They're just having issues with showing you...you may be the kid on autopilot and they may feel the other two need their attention more or their egos attended to more, etc.
Thanks everyone for your great replies. they made me feel tons better. I'm glad there are such nice people on this forum =]
I'm going to print the first page out and leave it on the counter with a note. I figured it'd be better than just handing it to them and standing there lol. I'll tell you guys how it goes!
I'm getting a bad feeling about this...............
yeah...I'd think really hard before doing this. I know you don't think you're getting a fair shake but this isn't a good way to communicate.
Sometimes talking helps. Don't come off as a whiney ungrateful kid. If they refuse to listen that's when you throw down a peice of paper with your thoughts and concerns.
But you'd better make sure what's on paper is 100% factual. Otherwise not only is it not going to be well recieved but will also be ignored.
Edit: I should add that if one of my kids took the time to put pen to paper about their concerns I'd definitely take it seriously so long as it wasn't just a bunch of BS about how they don't get enough time on the Wii, "all my friends are doing it", or "why can't I have $1000 to take to the mall?". If it was about how they don't think they are being treated well or fairly I'd want specific evidence that they are not being treated fairly.
Example for the OP: You want to live on campus but they are refusing you this opportunity all the while setting your siblings up for heading off to college out of State scot free. That's a valid point.
Last edited by drjones96; 02-10-2010 at 02:15 PM..
Parents typically want children to be like them. My husband is the black sheep of his family and he is the youngest of two (has an older sister)--they like sports, golf, sitting on the beach, keeping up the jonses' etc--my husband plays in a band, doesn't really care about money, likes cultural things and is on the nerdy side. While they make an effort to treat him and his sister equal it's obvious that they relate more to her being more 'normal'....the truth of the matter is that you don't have it that bad and all in life is not fair. As you get older you will find out that life has many more horrible things to throw at you than this and you'll get over it. I would try my hardest to stay on campus--do well in school and prove them that you can handle being a man on your own--good grades, good job, good life.
I wonder...do parents feel betrayed or become resentful if kids become too independent too fast? Like they don't need them? In which case, instead of celebrating each of their child's successes, they would tend to downplay them or seem unimpressed...as an act of resentment or just feeling left out?
Not trying to say they are bad or purposefully hurtful, but parents are human beings, too. And most of them have a lot of emotion tied up in their kids.
You can not force them to appreciate you for who you are. Give them time.
~l~
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