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Is there anything to be done about this? Or do you think these parents are right on?
Every culture is different and can you imagine what others say about US...as in the U.S.....lazy, fat Americans. How the lack of parenting is bringing down the earth...... is there anything to be done about this? Or do you think these parents are right on?
Lets reverse the tables.
["Lazy, fat Americans" has been used more than once by more than one culture to describe us....don't like the phrase myself. Some of the American tv shows that are being shown around the globe surely don't represent the US well.]
Last edited by VegasGrace; 02-19-2010 at 07:11 AM..
There is nothing that should be done about this. The children are growing up according to the values of their family. Stay out of it. Obviously, this worked for the parents. It just might work for their kids too. The only thing to worry about is the fact that your kids will compete with their kids for things like scholarships and jobs in the future but stopping their kids is not the answer. Pushing your own is.
Personally, I think kids here are given too much freedom. Our culture struggles with teen alcohol and drug use, teens dropping out of school and teen sex. There is far more to criticize in our own back yard without looking into someone elses.
It turns out my own daughter is quite a piano player and has been doing it for the last five years. You are certainly right that some kids in America are given too much freedom. I also agree our academic standards are not as high as they should be. I can tell you, though, that I don't plan on depriving my child of her friends and her playtime, to compete with people like this. I think I make plenty of demands on my own daughter (organized activities 4-5 days a week). Yet, I still feel there are limits that should be observed by parents. For example, I don't have my ten year old daughter up at 10:30 p.m. doing homework. Nor, do I feel its important she learn calculus by age 12.
I maintain that the level of control that this couple exerts over their child (where she literally has no free time and is not allowed to play with other children) is borderline abusive. Helping a child develop social skills is an important part of child-rearing and parents who believe that no play or contact with other kids is acceptable are out to lunch.
I think it is accurate that many couples who rear their children this way are from poor countries and are determined that their children will receive certain opportunities in America. Nevertheless, I worry greatly about the psychological toll this is taking on these children. They are in America and its time to realize America isn't a third world country.
I'm not saying social services or some government agency ought to get involved. Heaven knows they have plenty to do that is more cut-and-dried and they don't do that very well. I am saying that this style of child-raising goes too far. My reaction is simply to express my disapproval. I don't think the solution is for us all to parent this way.
There is nothing that should be done about this. The children are growing up according to the values of their family. Stay out of it. Obviously, this worked for the parents. It just might work for their kids too. The only thing to worry about is the fact that your kids will compete with their kids for things like scholarships and jobs in the future but stopping their kids is not the answer. Pushing your own is.
Personally, I think kids here are given too much freedom. Our culture struggles with teen alcohol and drug use, teens dropping out of school and teen sex. There is far more to criticize in our own back yard without looking into someone elses.
It turns out my own daughter is quite a piano player and has been doing it for the last five years. You are certainly right that some kids in America are given too much freedom. I also agree our academic standards are not as high as they should be. I can tell you, though, that I don't plan on depriving my child of her friends and her playtime, to compete with people like this. I think I make plenty of demands on my own daughter (organized activities 4-5 days a week). Yet, I still feel there are limits that should be observed by parents. For example, I don't have my ten year old daughter up at 10:30 p.m. doing homework. Nor, do I feel its important she learn calculus by age 12.
I maintain that the level of control that this couple exerts over their child (where she literally has no free time and is not allowed to play with other children) is borderline abusive. Helping a child develop social skills is an important part of child-rearing and parents who believe that no play or contact with other kids is acceptable are out to lunch.
I think it is accurate that many couples who rear their children this way are from poor countries and are determined that their children will receive certain opportunities in America. Nevertheless, I worry greatly about the psychological toll this is taking on these children. They are in America and its time to realize America isn't a third world country.
I'm not saying social services or some government agency ought to get involved. Heaven knows they have plenty to do that is more cut-and-dried and they don't do that very well. I am saying that this style of child-raising goes too far. My reaction is simply to express my disapproval. I don't think the solution is for us all to parent this way.
I agree. There is a difference in pushing your child/ren and being too pushy.
There is nothing wrong with parents wanting their children to excel and reach their full potential, but they can't reach their full potential if they are never given opportunities to play and socialize. If all they ever do is academics or music or sports in a strict and structured enviroment with no fun or socializing in between then how can that be seen as full potential when they lack in social skills and they never learn problem solving between peers?
I agree. There is a difference in pushing your child/ren and being too pushy.
There is nothing wrong with parents wanting their children to excel and reach their full potential, but they can't reach their full potential if they are never given opportunities to play and socialize. If all they ever do is academics or music or sports in a strict and structured enviroment with no fun or socializing in between then how can that be seen as full potential when they lack in social skills and they never learn problem solving between peers?
Are your kids on sports teams? In musical ensembles? On the cast of school plays?
There is plenty of social time built into such activities. IMO its not the kids who do all these activities that lack social skills, it's the kids who don't do them......
I have read this post with great interest. I would like to point out that what may look like parental pushing on the outside is frequently child led. My oldest is playing 4 varsity sports. My middle plays 3 instruments. While, I encourage them to do the things they love, nobody is ever forced. Many kids really find things that they are passionate about and run with them. You can't tell from where you are (the outside) whether parents are pushing or kids have found their true passion.
Are your kids on sports teams? In musical ensembles? On the cast of school plays?
There is plenty of social time built into such activities. IMO its not the kids who do all these activities that lack social skills, it's the kids who don't do them......
I have read this post with great interest. I would like to point out that what may look like parental pushing on the outside is frequently child led. My oldest is playing 4 varsity sports. My middle plays 3 instruments. While, I encourage them to do the things they love, nobody is ever forced. Many kids really find things that they are passionate about and run with them. You can't tell from where you are (the outside) whether parents are pushing or kids have found their true passion.
Yes my kids are involved in extra ciricular activities, but they also have a life beyond school, sports, and music. They have sleep overs and go to movies and just hang out with friends as well. They have all been "A" students with the exception of one of my children who struggled in math, but otherwise excelled in all other areas of school. They also do very well in their other activities. I however do not push them into anything, I instead support them and encourage them and offer help where I can. Personally, I believe they have just as great a shot at becoming a well renowned doctor, or engineer, or physicst or whatever they want to become as those who constantly study.
I understand that sometimes it is the child/ren themselves who are driving and not the parents pushing. But I'm sure that you can tell who is being driven and who is being pushed. Take the Olympics for example. I was watching the woman's snowboard halfpipe and the commentators made comment that the Chinese team had been out there practicing several times a day at their coaches insistance while the other teams didn't practice as much. You know what happened to the Chinese team? They all pretty much failed while the other teams surpassed them. The Chinese team had been pushed so hard that they were exhausted and you could tell they weren't having any fun as their moves were ridgid.
.. The little girl, 10, is escorted to the bathroom at church by either her father or her mother. She does not and has not played with other children. She is not allowed to play outside. She goes to school (GT program of course), goes straight to gymnastics (she is an accomplished gymnast) then piano, then homework. During summer her mother tutors her in advanced mathematics. My friend was a math major and she has sometimes stated how she was pushed into playing the piano, reading and excelling in school. She never learned how to ride a bike .
I think they turned Korean and moved here.
My daughter knows a teen girl who has every minute of her days and evenings planned out for her by her parents. She practices music, does her lessons, does sports.
In the off chance the girl is online doing research for one of her classes, my daughter chats very briefly with her. A couple of times over the past 3 years, the girl has mentioned she had some time that was not filled with pre-scheduling by her parents. THE GIRL DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. She was anxious and jumpy because she kept thinking she was supposed to be doing something. She did not know how to fill that half hour or so because her parents did not tell her what to do.
I understand that sometimes it is the child/ren themselves who are driving and not the parents pushing. But I'm sure that you can tell who is being driven and who is being pushed.
How can you tell? I have had parents say that I push my kids. There are many parents who believe that it is the parents who push the kids into structured sports camps, yet my son brought me printouts of goalie camps for his age group (he will be 11 next month) for the summer, along with costs, etc....It's not me who is pushing him to go to these things although many parents of less passionate kids think that there is no way an 11 year old would choose these things.
I would caution you about thinking that you can tell which kids are internally driven and which ones are driven by pushy parents (I realize both exist).
BTW-my totally driven 16 year old has friends, sees movies, goes to parties, and maintains straight As in honors/AP classes also. I would say most of his friends are internally motivated, NOT pushed by parents. The ones who are pushed by parents are in the age of rebellion by age 16 and are not longer at the top of the heap. So I guess we agree on this point.
How can you tell? I have had parents say that I push my kids. There are many parents who believe that it is the parents who push the kids into structured sports camps, yet my son brought me printouts of goalie camps for his age group (he will be 11 next month) for the summer, along with costs, etc....It's not me who is pushing him to go to these things although many parents of less passionate kids think that there is no way an 11 year old would choose these things.
I would caution you about thinking that you can tell which kids are internally driven and which ones are driven by pushy parents (I realize both exist).
BTW-my totally driven 16 year old has friends, sees movies, goes to parties, and maintains straight As in honors/AP classes also. I would say most of his friends are internally motivated, NOT pushed by parents. The ones who are pushed by parents are in the age of rebellion by age 16 and are not longer at the top of the heap. So I guess we agree on this point.
How can I tell?, Well the fact that your child is allowed to have a life beyond her passions is how I can tell. More often than not kids who are being pushed have no life as in the case that the OP was refering too. The kids never have anytime to or are not allowed to play and socialize outside of school, sports and music. Most kids who are self driven and only encouraged by their parents still seem to find a balance between their passions and having a life.
This is the ONLY statement that matters as far as everyone's obervations are concerned:
Quote:
Momma_bear
Many kids really find things that they are passionate about and run with them. You can't tell from where you are (the outside) whether parents are pushing or kids have found their true passion.
And only the parents KNOW whether it's pushy or passion.
I think there is more than one way to raise up a child and have never been bothered by what other people, or other cultures do. My kids went to school with families like this who controlled their child's time, friends, activities, clothing, class choices, and even where they could go to college. They weren't abused and eventually they will be living their lives they way THEY want so who am I to say anything? For all I know they will turn out with better lives than my own. No way to know.
What a nice common sense approach.
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