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At age 15 going on 16 you dont have much control anymore other than the wallet and the car .. guess he can walk cause he cant drive your car even if he does get a lience .. and no matter what dont buy them for him ever ..
I would maybe have a little talk with him and see where he is buying them at .. and bust the store .. lossing a tobacco lience is a real hurt to a C-store. and fair .. selling to minors is a no no
He wont stop smoking likely .. but you dont have to allow it in your home .. so just make it hard for him to do it ..with out seeming to do anything at all ..
Busting his supply is umm hard .. unless its a store and they are selling to him .. his friends are all in the same boat with needing either a clerk who isnt payuing attation or a adult who doesnt see anything wrong with buying for the kids .. the adult is the key here .. bust them and the bigger problem is solved .. You do know his friends right?
First, please ignore the advice of the non-smokers here who have no idea what they are talking about.
I started when I was 13. I thought it was cool, even when my friends didn't. It took me almost 25 years to the day to quit.
Here's some REAL advice:
1) Showing teen who smoke pictures of lungs or someone with a electronic voicebox does nothing. People with black lungs or who have had their voicebox removed have been smoking for DECADES, not months. Teens believe that they can quit "before it goes there".
2) My parents tried the "smoke till you're sick" thing. I was well into my third pack that night when they gave up. Also, they had to pay for the carton, as I didn't have enough money for them. I saw it as free cigarettes then.
3) Smokers can't smell the "nasty" and don't believe it's as bad as you're saying. You cannot convince them otherwise.
4) Truth. com stuff is exaggerated propaganda. Even as a former smoker, their ads aggravate me.
If you want to help your son, and not just play the non-smoking victim, do things to HELP him quit smoking. This is an addiction. You wouldn't just tell someone to stop smoking crack or you won't let them get a license. You wouldn't throw water on an alcoholic and expect that to make them listen to your opinion about the smell of whiskey. Do something HELPFUL.
I quit smoking after years of struggling with asthma, bronchitis and eventually pneumonia. I enjoyed smoking VERY MUCH, right up to the day I quit. My dh as well. I quit cold turkey because of a desire from INSIDE of myself. My dh is still struggling with quitting (down to about a pack a month from 1 1/2 a DAY - yeah!). He uses an e-cig with nicotine filters - it's a personal vaporizer. DM me and I'll send you the link to the thread I started on them, as well as additional information, if you want it. I tried one for awhile and it helped me to not start back up when I was really tempted. I've given one to other smokers and while it's helped some to quit, it's helped others to cut way back.
It's been my experience that the "vapes" are cooler now than smoking tobacco with the under 25 set, so it's possible your son would gladly switch if you financed the initial costs.
Please do your son a favor though and don't take advice from posters here like FLA 8000 on this subject - you'll only make it worse.
I would encourage you to let him know that it's not allowed in your house, car, etc. If the smell bothers you, force him to shower and change into clothing that you keep in YOUR room before being in a "common" area of the home or vehicle. I'd also use one of the tactics I used on my dh when he refused to quit after I did - bring the money into it. If your son has enough $$ to pay for cigarettes, then he must also have enough to pay for his own cell phone, clothing, toiletries, share of rent, water, utilities, doctor's bills, etc. He's 15 so it's also illegal - make sure he knows that if you find/figure out his "source", you WILL call the police and press charges, plus sue for damages. Someone over the age of 18 is involved - either in purchasing or selling. If you have tried everything else, play "hardball". Call the police and see what, if anything, they can do NOW. A crime is being committed and someone is putting your son's life in danger.
He won't thank you for your interference, but then again, no addict will - until they are "clean".
Good luck to you and your family. It's a tough road!
How do you recommend helping a teen quit smoking-I have offered the patch, meds etc. she says she is quitting for Lent but I don't believe her!!
quiting for Lent?
ROFLMBO... yeh she is .. .. sorry couldnt help but laugh there .. .. the key is money .. dont supply it .. make her pay for her habits .. and that includes trandportation!.. fer real .. paying to look cool isnt fun and stops the "cool" stuff real fast ..
I should talk .. I had teens who smoked to and I didnt have much backbone then .. what they told me years after about the smoking is what I am telling you now.. we cant really stop them but we can make it harder than they like to be "cool" .. having to show picture ID helps, my state we have to be carded to buy smokes so that also helps but some stores dont care or dont pay attation to the kids ages so they get buy .. bust the store ..
my son who was a "old looking" teen proved to me once that he could buy beer at one store .. and st the time he was only 17.. thats when I got the wake up call and made a slap down on the C-store for selling to minors .. some goes for smokes .. get the supplier and you have some control .. take your car keys back and tell her she cant use the car or smoke in YOUR home .. and then let her work out the steps to stop .. aint nothing else to do it seems .. kids know more than parents at age 15 ,16, 17, 18, .. after that they aint our problems .. they are thier own ..
I don't think I would be that upset if the boy was smoking outside the house, with friends or whatever, because it is at that age teens start trying "things", not that I am for it.
But I would strongly, and I mean strongly stress that there is to never, be any smoking in the house, especially the bedroom. We have all heard those horror stories of a fire being started in the bedroom from someone careless smoking, that would be my biggest concern.
I have 3 boys, and yes, I have smelled smoke on one of them from time to time, (when they were teens) I just tell him, ugh, your new "cologne" smells disgusting, go wash it off.... LOL, he gets the message. I just tried not to make a big deal of it. When you get to a certain age, no one wants to be told what to do, but of course as a parent we most times know best and want our children to do the right thing.......
I try not to sound like a Drill Sargent, because I was a teen boy too, although I would never admit to ever doing anything wrong or immoral.....
Kids have a lot more will-power than they get credit for. He could quit if he wanted to. He just needs to be inspired to quit. It doesn't have to get complicated.
Your son isn't going to quit until he wants to. Teenagers think they're immune (we did at that age) to everything, so photos of cigarette damage to lungs and holes in the throat won't make any difference than telling girls about teenage pregnancy (which hasn't stopped them from having sex).
That being said, it's your house and he's still your responsibility.
I'd play hardball.
Let him know he's not allowed to smoke in your house, near your house, in the car, and he can't bring his smoke-filled clothes into the house. If he wants to smoke, let him know that when he gets home, he must strip down to nothing (no socks, no underwear) in the garage and then he can come in the house, take a shower and brush his teeth. His first stop must be the shower...he can't go to his room, he can't sit on the couch until the smoke smell is removed from his body. He will also have to leave his smoke-filled clothes in the garage and start to do his own laundry. You'll continue to wash his non-smoke-filled clothes but the stuff that smells like smoke gets left in the garage until he washes them. Why should your clothes stink just because his do?
Since you're not a smoker, your nose will be very sensitive and let him know that you think the smell is disgusting and you don't want even a trace of it in your house.
This also applies to his backpack and school work. If his backpack and school work smells like smoke, he has to leave his backpack in the garage and he can do his homework in the garage. You will, however, go out periodically and check to make sure he's doing his homework but it must be done outside. Set up a table and a chair with a desk light. Hopefully you live in a cold climate.
Let him know that he is responsible for his own decisions but he doesn't get to affect you, his family or the house with his bad decisions. If he wants to smoke, he'll have to do it in a bubble that won't affect you. Until he lives on his own, if he continues to smoke, you can make his life very uncomfortable and inconvenient. If he comes into the house without stripping down or if he brings his backpack into the house and throws it on the kitchen table so now your kitchen smells like smoke, then you can start taking things away. Kids only need a bed, toiletries, food and water to survive. Everything else is up for negotiation.
First, please ignore the advice of the non-smokers here who have no idea what they are talking about.
I started when I was 13. I thought it was cool, even when my friends didn't. It took me almost 25 years to the day to quit.
Here's some REAL advice:
1) Showing teen who smoke pictures of lungs or someone with a electronic voicebox does nothing. People with black lungs or who have had their voicebox removed have been smoking for DECADES, not months. Teens believe that they can quit "before it goes there".
2) My parents tried the "smoke till you're sick" thing. I was well into my third pack that night when they gave up. Also, they had to pay for the carton, as I didn't have enough money for them. I saw it as free cigarettes then.
3) Smokers can't smell the "nasty" and don't believe it's as bad as you're saying. You cannot convince them otherwise.
4) Truth. com stuff is exaggerated propaganda. Even as a former smoker, their ads aggravate me.
If you want to help your son, and not just play the non-smoking victim, do things to HELP him quit smoking. This is an addiction. You wouldn't just tell someone to stop smoking crack or you won't let them get a license. You wouldn't throw water on an alcoholic and expect that to make them listen to your opinion about the smell of whiskey. Do something HELPFUL.
I quit smoking after years of struggling with asthma, bronchitis and eventually pneumonia. I enjoyed smoking VERY MUCH, right up to the day I quit. My dh as well. I quit cold turkey because of a desire from INSIDE of myself. My dh is still struggling with quitting (down to about a pack a month from 1 1/2 a DAY - yeah!). He uses an e-cig with nicotine filters - it's a personal vaporizer. DM me and I'll send you the link to the thread I started on them, as well as additional information, if you want it. I tried one for awhile and it helped me to not start back up when I was really tempted. I've given one to other smokers and while it's helped some to quit, it's helped others to cut way back.
It's been my experience that the "vapes" are cooler now than smoking tobacco with the under 25 set, so it's possible your son would gladly switch if you financed the initial costs.
Please do your son a favor though and don't take advice from posters here like FLA 8000 on this subject - you'll only make it worse.
I would encourage you to let him know that it's not allowed in your house, car, etc. If the smell bothers you, force him to shower and change into clothing that you keep in YOUR room before being in a "common" area of the home or vehicle. I'd also use one of the tactics I used on my dh when he refused to quit after I did - bring the money into it. If your son has enough $$ to pay for cigarettes, then he must also have enough to pay for his own cell phone, clothing, toiletries, share of rent, water, utilities, doctor's bills, etc. He's 15 so it's also illegal - make sure he knows that if you find/figure out his "source", you WILL call the police and press charges, plus sue for damages. Someone over the age of 18 is involved - either in purchasing or selling. If you have tried everything else, play "hardball". Call the police and see what, if anything, they can do NOW. A crime is being committed and someone is putting your son's life in danger.
He won't thank you for your interference, but then again, no addict will - until they are "clean".
Good luck to you and your family. It's a tough road!
sskkc,I appreciate your long response. My problem is that if he doesn't WANT to stop then he won't. As I'm sure you know yourself, no one can FORCE you to quit.
As far as the posts asking where he is getting the cigs, I'm pretty certain that he is getting them from friends. We have a pretty strict law here about stores selling to minors. I am in my 30's and if I went to buy, I would have to show id and the clerk enters my dob into the register before they can ring up the sale. He has a couple of friends whose parents smoke. I think the friends are taking a few from them.
Right now I don't think he is addicted. I think he has tried it a few times and thinks it's cool so I'm hoping to get something across to him before it does become an addiction.
It's just that he is SO defiant! The more he knows that I disapprove of something, the more he wants to do it. Even if I don't make a big deal out of it verbally and just tell him not to do it in the house, etc. he knows that his doing it still bothers me. He seems to get a "kick" out of trying to pull a fast one on me.
Mamom, Who does your son admire most in his life or near him? A man. Someone he would listen to. I would have a conversation with that person and have that person have a talk with your boy. Maybe hearing things like girls not wanting to kiss an ashtray, health damage, just plain stinking, might help coming from someone he looks up to as a man. Not preaching, just a good long talk.
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