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Old 02-22-2010, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,435,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope View Post
OMG she is asking ow people do it and you are telling her not to do it. you keep repeating to me that i have this fear of women not being able to have kids---which according to CHATTY is not as unfounded as you would like to believe.
these smily faces (after the rolly eyes and smacks)don't counteract how rude you have been throughout this thread. i think it's just become a game of who can have the last word....so i will leave that to you....

Please reread - I have CERTAINLY NOT told her NOT to do it Please quote me where you think you saw me say that.

I simply advised her to "get her ducks in a row" so to speak. Taking 2 years to actually prepare yourself to start your family is a good investment in the future.

The point is, and she agreed, she's not ready yet.

Anything you have read as rude I can tell you was misunderstood - I have no agenda other than to help the OP get what she says she wants
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Old 02-22-2010, 08:55 PM
 
3,004 posts, read 3,877,225 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
I agree. Some people think that kids need a whole bunch of stuff. They don't. If a parent feels inadequate not being able to give their children a bunch of crap to play with, it's the parent's problem. Most likely they are trying to impress some of their family and friends.

Bottom line: Babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers, elementary age children, middle-schoolers don't NEED more than the basics. As long as they have medical coverage of some kind, or parents are prepared to pay, NOBODY under college age needs more than love, guidance, clean clothes, stimulating conversation and activity, a warm place to sleep, and food.

By the time they are in high school there are usually added expenses of sports or music to keep them busy. Even that isn't necessary. Believe it or not, a person can raise a child from birth to adulthood with very little expense. Besides medical; food, clothing and college are the biggest expenses, and only college is what really costs.
findinghope and NoExcuses, I agree with you both 100%.

p.s. how on earth do you make the "multi quote" function work? I clicked on it, it turned orange, then clicked on quote, but only one quote appears, not both. ?
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Old 02-22-2010, 08:59 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,435,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chattypatty View Post
findinghope and NoExcuses, I agree with you both 100%.

p.s. how on earth do you make the "multi quote" function work? I clicked on it, it turned orange, then clicked on quote, but nothing happens. ?

I think we are all in agreement that kids don't need half the "stuff" they have

There is a big difference between "wants" and "needs" though.

Some kids might really need braces, but if you don't have good insurance or enough disposable income, braces can become a need your kid has to go without. It happens. And it's irresponsible on the part of the parent who didn't prepare well enough for that possibility.
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Old 02-22-2010, 08:59 PM
 
Location: Powell, WY
992 posts, read 2,367,309 times
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Sure, kids just NEED the basics, but it is nice to have the time and income to provide for baseball, piano, gymnastics, or whatever the child becomes interested in at the time they're old enough to do those kind of activities. A lot of good can come from those kinds of things and they can get expensive. Seeing my girls play ball and build friendships and have a great time while doing it is money well spent, as well as time well spent.

For a lot of people, there is a natural tendency to want to give more to their kids than perhaps they had. I know in our case, we want our children to be able to experience new activities, if they are interested. Those activities take time and money, so we sacrifice a bit so they can experience those things.

Having children, however, to some people is like adding an accessory...there's so much stuff nowadays that's geared towards those kind of parents. If they want to spend their money on those things, well, that's grand, but it's not necessary.

There's really nothing wrong with wanting to give your kids a little extra here and there. It's nice to go out for pizza every now and then or take a Saturday and go bowling.
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Old 02-22-2010, 09:10 PM
 
6,066 posts, read 15,009,981 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TouchOfWhimsy View Post
Oh, I did not realize that student loans took so long to pay off. (I did the pay-as-you-go plan, LOL) Is there a fee for paying them off early? Or just that you can't afford to double/triple up payments to get them knocked down in a few years?

I recommend reading anything by Dave Ramsey to help you get your debt eliminated sooner, then you can have a baby and decide what you want to do once he or she is born. I don't know any teachers who went right back to teaching immediately after having a baby... most took at least a semester off, if not a whole year, and it's nice to have that option if you decide you want it.
My husband and I paid ours off early, there were no fees or penalties for doing so. This is a little off-topic so I'll just say that we were able to pay our school loans off within the first 5 years of our marriage. This is WITH kids because we didn't pay things off before we had the kids (but in retrospect we wish we had!!!) If we had to do things over again, we would have totally been debt-free before having kids. We could have done it much quicker. We're debt-free now but it's taken us a lot longer because we had kids first. I guess it really would depend, though, on how much debt you have.

Lovesmountains suggestion on learning how to live on one income is probably the best advice. It can totally be done, even in this day and age - we do it!
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Old 02-22-2010, 09:11 PM
 
3,004 posts, read 3,877,225 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I think we are all in agreement that kids don't need half the "stuff" they have

There is a big difference between "wants" and "needs" though.

Some kids might really need braces, but if you don't have good insurance or enough disposable income, braces can become a need your kid has to go without. It happens. And it's irresponsible on the part of the parent who didn't prepare well enough for that possibility.
Yes, that's true enough, if you are really distinguishing between wants and needs that way.

On the other hand, better that a family be able to have the joy of a child or two even if they may not be able to provide braces (which are not an absolute need -- kind of fall into a middle zone between want and need).

There are also ways to get what you want even if your parents didn't save up or establish themselves in a high paying career first. I was a serious (professional training school) ballet student in junior high/highschool and my family could not afford my lessons or my pointe shoes. At one time I was dancing 20 hrs per week and going through two pairs of pointe shoes per month, at a cost of $20 a pair back in those days. My lessons were a couple of hundred dollars/month (again, back in those days! would be much more now). I worked every weekend at a Denny's type cafe as a hostess during the school year and worked full time in the summer. I was able to work at age 14, not sure if the laws are different now. Anyway, I paid for a substantial portion of my expenses and I was proud that I could do it. I did my homework while at school during study period. I also had a social life but it was restricted to Saturday night. What I did not have was free time to troll the malls or chat on the phone for hours on end. This was a choice I made. I wanted ballet and I had to work to afford it.

My point is that sometimes, just, sometimes . . . not having enough money can motivate a child or teen to obtain things for himself.

I'm not saying that people should breed with abandon! I am saying that I've seen too many couples put off childbearing in order to achieve some indefinable level of security and the end result is pretty sad.
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Old 02-22-2010, 09:13 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,680,223 times
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Crazy, There is also scouts and 4-H. There are programs at most libraries. Pizza out and/or bowling is not what we are talking about. Those kinds of things a person would do whether they had kids or not.

It's really not necessary to spend a ton of money raising kids. That's my point. It's really not necessary to think you are being irresponsible if you don't have a whole bunch of money saved before you have kids.

Of course there are things here and there as the child gets older that are nice, but the parent doesn't have to save for two years BEFORE THE CHILD IS BORN to provide those things like middle school or high school activities.
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Old 02-22-2010, 09:21 PM
 
2,839 posts, read 9,963,899 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
Crazy, There is also scouts and 4-H. There are programs at most libraries. Pizza out and/or bowling is not what we are talking about. Those kinds of things a person would do whether they had kids or not.

It's really not necessary to spend a ton of money raising kids. That's my point. It's really not necessary to think you are being irresponsible if you don't have a whole bunch of money saved before you have kids.

Of course there are things here and there as the child gets older that are nice, but the parent doesn't have to save for two years BEFORE THE CHILD IS BORN to provide those things like middle school or high school activities.

I do'nt think the point was to advise her to save her money for two years... right now they're living on basically one income (hers is a student teacher's salary), plus they have car payments, plus they have student loans, plus whatever else. If they're 30 years old or older, then sure, they might want to consider getting started soon. If they're 23 years old, then they have a couple of years to get themselves a bit more ahead, financially. If I knew then what I know now, DH and I would have been in a much better place when we had our first child. As it was, I was 23 and clueless, we blew a ton of money, I hated having him in daycare for his first year, etc, etc. Finally we grew up a bit and figured out what we needed to do. If only we'd known how much easier life is without all of the loan payments hanging over our heads.

Besides, it's just advice... I doubt the OP is going to make a life-altering decision based on what a stranger on an anonymous web forum says. Just food for thought from all sides for her to consider. I'm sure she and her husband will make an appropriate decision for themselves.
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Old 02-22-2010, 09:27 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,680,223 times
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IMO, being emotionally and psychologically ready to have kids is more important than being financially ready. There are always going to be things we need money for. There will always be financial reasons to put off having a family.
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Old 02-22-2010, 09:47 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,435,573 times
Reputation: 40197
Quote:
Originally Posted by TouchOfWhimsy View Post
I do'nt think the point was to advise her to save her money for two years... right now they're living on basically one income (hers is a student teacher's salary), plus they have car payments, plus they have student loans, plus whatever else. If they're 30 years old or older, then sure, they might want to consider getting started soon. If they're 23 years old, then they have a couple of years to get themselves a bit more ahead, financially. If I knew then what I know now, DH and I would have been in a much better place when we had our first child. As it was, I was 23 and clueless, we blew a ton of money, I hated having him in daycare for his first year, etc, etc. Finally we grew up a bit and figured out what we needed to do. If only we'd known how much easier life is without all of the loan payments hanging over our heads.

Besides, it's just advice... I doubt the OP is going to make a life-altering decision based on what a stranger on an anonymous web forum says. Just food for thought from all sides for her to consider. I'm sure she and her husband will make an appropriate decision for themselves.

Thanks, you read me right

I was saying to learn how to live on one income during that two years. (There is no way for her to know now how long she might want to stay at home with her child, but if they have learned to live on one income she could do it for much longer).

I was saying finish school and get some work experience during that two years. Use her income to pay down their debts and student loans during that two years.

If she does these things she'll put herself in a much better position to responsibly have a child.
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