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They are 18 months apart. The arguing disappears when their dad is away on business trips otherwise it happens frequently. Any theories as to why this is happening?
Ages: 20 and 18 1/2. It has been going on for years.
Yes, they do argue when he is around but why would it come to a complete halt when he's not?
He's aware of it and it makes him sad and frusterated.
I'm probably more strict. The only thing that changes is our meal routine. The daughter that is causing the least amount of drama at the time is usually his favorite. (BTW,we have 3 girls).
Gut feeling would be that they may compete for his attention or they try to make the other look bad to their him. They know I won't fall for that behavior so they don't try it.
No, we don't have a tense marriage. I would say that we have had a happy marriage for 21 years. The tension and fighting between the girls does add a fair amount of stress to our home but our marriage has remained intact.
They are 18 months apart. The arguing disappears when their dad is away on business trips otherwise it happens frequently. Any theories as to why this is happening?
My guess is daddy pays more attention to one than the other. I have the same problem.
The daughter that is causing the least amount of drama at the time is usually his favorite. (BTW,we have 3 girls).
Gut feeling would be that they may compete for his attention or they try to make the other look bad to their him. They know I won't fall for that behavior so they don't try it.
I think you have your answer. Is there any hope of your husband learning how to not be manipulated by them?
I think you have your answer. Is there any hope of your husband learning how to not be manipulated by them?
He's a quiet person and is very slow to speak. They have a higher energy level then him too. He prefers the company of our youngest daughter (9 years old) because she doesn't have a sibling to fight with constantly. She is more quiet..like him.
Lately, I've been encouraging him to do more with them individually. It has helped. I wish I would have realized this many years ago before they became adults.
He prefers the company of our youngest daughter (9 years old) because she doesn't have a sibling to fight with constantly. She is more quiet..like him.
That's the problem. I had suspected your third daughter was the youngest. I typed a big long response about how my parents favoritism for our little sister influenced the entire family dynamic. But I deleted it because I was making the assumption that your third daughter not mentioned was the youngest.
It might not hurt to remind him that he is in for a surprise when his little quiet 9 year old favorite enters puberty. She's not always going to be so delightful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pll
Lately, I've been encouraging him to do more with them individually. It has helped. I wish I would have realized this many years ago before they became adults.
It doesn't hurt to try. I didn't really form a relationship with my father, one where I felt that he was connecting with me, until I was in my late 20s. My father and I started to form a closer relationship after everyone had grown and moved out of the house. Once we were all living on our own, we had more one on one time with him. He would visit our houses individually or we would visit him and often nobody else would be there. Unfortunately, my oldest sister always had a terrible relationship with my parents because she never let go of her negative feelings.
I am going to revive this thread, if that is okay....
We have 2 girls, 3 years apart. They are 6 ( almost 7) and 10... It seems lately, they cannot be within feet of each other without an argument breaking out. They seem to just dislike each other and it is very sad.
Our youngest , I will admit, can antagonize , but our oldest also has zero patience with her little sister. All she has to do is breathe loudly and it starts something-lol!
If we don't have a planned activity everyday, it is sometimes unbearable for 12 hours until my husband comes home and that is of course, WHEN he is here and not out of town.
Of course there are times they get a long, but they are rare & short lived.
I was talking to my cousin the other night and venting my frustrations and she said her kids rarely argue, she has a boy and a girl, same ages as my girls.
I am sure the dynamics are just different in every household and between all kids, but I wonder if brothers & sisters argue less than sisters.... Now that I think of it, my brother & I rarely argued growing up, but my sister & I did....
NYMD, I don't have a good answer, but I can tell you my sister and I are the same age spacing as your girls, and we went through times when we were super close as kids and other times when we wanted nothing to do with each other. Looking back now, I think we got along best when we were in similar developmental stages and worst when we were in different stages. For example, when I was in HS and she still in grade school, we didn't get along, but by the time she entered HS we were inseparable. A similar pattern emerged with college. I can't recall the pattern when we were younger right now, but I'm wondering if your older DD is starting to have markedly different interests than her little sister?
We don't have a ton in common as adults, but I would say we're closer than the average siblings. Maybe there's hope that the new pattern with your girls is just temporary?
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 07-26-2012 at 02:21 PM..
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