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I don't consider it controlling to insist that a teen accompany the family to something. PLUS-going to the symphony IS DOING SOMETHING.
Some parents take it overboard. My son has a friend with a mother like this. She is constantly making him do things with her or the family. Stupid stuff. And she always interfers with plans. She wont' give him permission until the very last minute (which leaves us waiting and waiting to know if he's coming) or she'll give him permission but makes him do a billion things first (which leaves us waiting and waiting for him to arrive so we can leave) or she is simply late because she doesn't do anything until she's good and ready (which leaves us waiting and waiting!)
We've been dealing with her for years, but the crowning glory happened last summer. Her son was sleeping over our house for the weekend. While he was here, she called and invited him and my son to attend a graduation party with her in the mid-afternoon Saturday. I told my son that he could go for a few hours, but that we where having dinner at X time and afterwards we were leaving for the festival we planned to attend that evening. I dropped them off at the graduation party. She and her husband were arriving separately.
Dinner time arrives and I learn that she won't let her son leave the graduation party---as if he's on her time when he was technically sleeping over at our house and he could have said he didn't want to go to the graduation party. He had been there for three hours, but she was insisting that he stayed because she hadn't gotten there yet. (She was dying her hair!)
I put my foot down. I went to pick my son up for dinner. If her son had to stay, my son had to leave. While I was waiting outside for my son, she pulled up in the car----she was JUST arriving at the party three hours after it started! She apologized AS IF he were some wayward child who needed to be held to certain committments. I told her that we had plans, dinner was on the table and we were leaving for the festival afterwards. She got a look on her face like it NEVER occurred to her that her antics interfered with everyone elses lives. I made it clear if he wasn't at our house in a hour, we were leaving for the festival without him.
She had him at my house ON TIME and she was gushing with apologies. I wish I had stood up to her years ago!
Don't even get me started on the time I bought plane tickets for her son to go on vacation with us only to have her decide to ground him the night before we were leaving!
I could care less how someone parents as long as their parenting doesn't interfer with my life!
let me reword it- they don't ler her do much with her friend's
Symphony tickets are typically purchased in advance. I doubt that the mother purchased the tickets specifically to keep her daughter from her friends. Tickets to the symphony are pretty expensive so I am guessing that once Mom bought the tickets it was non negotiable.
I like my son to do stuff with us also. His friends come second, after the family. It's not that I don't allow him to do stuff with his friends, but if there is something going on with the family that comes first. ALWAYS. If that makes me controlling so be it.
Symphony tickets are typically purchased in advance. I doubt that the mother purchased the tickets specifically to keep her daughter from her friends. Tickets to the symphony are pretty expensive so I am guessing that once Mom bought the tickets it was non negotiable.
I like my son to do stuff with us also. His friends come second, after the family. It's not that I don't allow him to do stuff with his friends, but if there is something going on with the family that comes first. ALWAYS. If that makes me controlling so be it.
I didn't mean the symphony I meant in general- every weekend she isn't allowed to do many things with her friends-it's getting off topic now-
Is she not allowed to do things with her friends, or does she have other things to do that do not involve her friends?
I am not sure-I just know when she has wanted to do something with my daughter -her dad says, No we are doing something tonight-maybe he thinks my child has too much freedom-I don't really know but she went to the mountains with us back in january-she mentioned that her parents were very strict.....
I "knew" things about some of my kids friends that their own parents didn't know, and sometimes that meant they didn't get to go out together or do certain things. Not saying that's the case here but it could be.
I wasn't a strict parent, but when I said "no" there was always a good reason.
I "knew" things about some of my kids friends that their own parents didn't know, and sometimes that meant they didn't get to go out together or do certain things. Not saying that's the case here but it could be.
That thought came to my mind when I read hlsess' post. But I assumed that it is likely the girl's parents are just like my son's friend's parents. They don't let him do anything with anyone. As a matter of fact, my house is the only house he's allowed to come to, my son is the only kids he's allowed to have in his car, etc. She just doesn't realize the impact her parenting has on our plans.
I am not strict or really laid back-just right in the middle- My 17 yo daughter asked to go somewhere (driving on interstate) and will be home by curfew-I was hesitant but know she is very responsible- I decided to let her go since she actually asked and could have gone without asking- and will be gone to college in over a year- what would you have done- she texted that she was there-and will text when she leaves- I continue to warn her of other bad drivers...
I think you have to let them as nerve-wreaking as that is.
I take mine on a practice run their first couple times on the interstate, going over the route, making sure they know where the traffic gets bad, where the problems might be, when to get over to another lane for the route they plan on using before they go solo.
They have to get used to it at some point, and it's actually better at that age than older when they might actually be more nervous.
It is part of our driving curriculum here for the kids to have so much driving time on the interstate, driving at night, and driving in inclimate weather. As for me, I would almost rather my child drive on the interstate. Then they don't have to worry so much about people pulling out in front of them, running traffic lights and the such.
My daughter was terrified to drive on the interstate until she actually did it and now she too prefers the interstate to all the back roads. My son is in college in the southern part of the state so interstate driving is a part of life for him. Best of luck to you and do keep those lines of communication open with your daughter. Communication is so important these days with our children.
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