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They are your step children so butt out. If you have anything to say, take it up with your husband. It's not your place to handle this.
If they are being disrespectful to you, ask your husband to remind them that you are his wife and they owe you the respect that comes with the position. Otherwise, this is between your husband and the boys' mother.
I've lived this life. You can talk until you are blue in the face. If, your husband won't help -- it won't get better. You as the step-parent is just that...step.
He will never understand if after all these years you have been together, men who have no children do not know what it is to bond unless he has children of his own, now not all men are the same you have those that adopt and can feel that bond to me those are truly special people. Your husband maybe using his upbringing or not into how he feels your son should do things, his parents may have done the same things to him and thats all he knows. And your relationship will not work if he does not have a say in anything your son does it will create more tension, and your son will eventually use that against both of you. Been there
I too have a similar situation! The only thing I can do is pray and that's from afar!! I've had my fair share and there's no good result when the other parent won't jump on the bandwagon.
I am not sure if it is so much my stepson as it is his parents! Personally, I do think my stepson's judgement is pretty good overall and think his disrespectful and dramatic behavior is probably more to be attributed to being a teen, but I do not have the faith in him to know how he will react if certain situations arise where he needs to make crucial decisions. There are still too many things that he is immature about(he is outright mean to his little brother, does things at the last minute, lies about small things to keep himself out of trouble, teen stuff mostly). When he proves that he can be mature about those things then I will be more apt to think he should be allowed more freedom. (Does that make sense)? Like I said, legally I really am not in the position to make those decisions(even though I wish I was).
I am probably wondering more about how divorced couples who really can't stand the sight of each other have managed to successfully co-parent with out all this drama. I don't have any idea how to get through to my husband and his ex-wife and they each tend to always think they are right about everything and get mad if you correct them. Its a serious clash of two dominant personalities! By the way, even though the ex and my husband can't speak to each other for more than 30 seconds without a screaming match, I am civil to her and have talked to her before when necessary.
Yes, it's the parents. They're putting the son in the middle of their own battles and that's what really hurts kids of divorce. The kids either feel ripped apart, or they learn to manipulate the squabbling parents -- either way it is bad for the kids.
If divorced people who really cannot stand the sight of each other would just decide that it's the kids that matter more than their petty squabbles, they can decide to put the needs of the kids over their own need to keep getting back at each other.
Maybe your role in this could be to get your husband to see what his dislike for the ex is doing to the child and how making the child chose sides is harming him. Like it or not they are still both parents of the same kid and they need to put that child's needs first. Also since you seem to be the only real adult in the picture, you could talk with your stepson about his parents and their fighting and let him know you see what they're doing and how bad it is.
If you could facilitate your husband and his ex-wife going to meditation together to hash out some of their parenting issues, it could REALLY help your step-son and the level of peace in the individuals and families. That is where I would concentrate my efforts . . .and it would be very specific and tangible. They could each write out five or ten issues and let the mediator do their thing.
The OP is over 2 years old. I wonder how the kid is doing now?
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