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Old 03-06-2010, 04:36 PM
 
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i must not have that brand of boy either lol. not that they would destroy the place, but i have had other kids here and it makes me feel like i need to be there even more. now i have someone else's child to worry about. even when i have babysat for a neighbor, it has screwed up my day big time--i got NOTHING done because i needed them all to be occupied without worrying about them getting hurt.
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Old 03-06-2010, 04:38 PM
 
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thanks everyone! great suggestions
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Old 03-06-2010, 06:29 PM
 
Location: Australia
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I am curious to know what supervision is interpreted to mean.

and why do they need to play quietly? Like we insist on our kids being quiet at times - in church, at the dinner table for example. But when its play time .... woo hooo lets go kids. run, yell, giggle laugh and yes, cry, scream, thump from time to time.

To me get em outside, with a friend. In the back yard. They can entertain themselves. If there is blood or a bone sticking out then I am close enought to react but the rest of the time, the noise of the kids is not right there in the room so I can do my work and they can have fun.

But I curious what others see supervision to mean.
Ta
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Old 03-06-2010, 07:03 PM
 
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no, i don't mean he needs to be quiet at all. there are certain times which require quiet and behaving---such as the times you have described. i am talking about my son wanting me to play with him, and me trying to get stuff done around the house.
as far as supervision, i don't want to be responsible for another person's child. i feel the need to supervise them when they are with me--as in watch closely what is going on, because i don't want anyone hurt on my watch
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Old 03-06-2010, 08:20 PM
 
3,086 posts, read 7,594,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
What do you mean, 'make that kind of effort'? It is healthier to have kids know they don't need mom in their sight at all times. Effort has nothing to do with it.

Sorry, I don't see any connection at all with what you said about the fish.
As DubbleT said, it does take effort to transition a child from one behavior to another. In this case teaching a child to go from wanting mom to entertain, listen to, participate in and help to being able to be satisfied with do this by themselves.

One can indeed expect a 4 yr old to entertain themselves as they are certainly capable, however simply expecting them to do so doesn't cause it to happen instantaneously nor successfully. Especially if you have a 4 yr old who has not been entertaining themselves all along. They need to be shown how to do so with modeling, mentoring, teaching, and supervising until they are capable. Once they see they can do so themselves, find that they enjoy it THEN you can expect them to be just fine on their own while you go wash dishes or do the laundry.

My parenting philosophy includes starting very early in getting kids established in appropriate independence, but not every one parents that way. Gaining steps of independence just doesn't happen naturally for everyone, and yes many need to an effort made to help them along.

As far as the fish analogy....I am sure you've heard that one.
If you give something to someone, you have filled their need.
However if you teach them how to do it themselves, they can then fill their own need in the future.

So, when you teach your child how to fill their own time instead of doing it for them, they can take care of their needs without you having to do so.

This particular child needs to be taught how to entertain himself, not just told to do so without knowing how.
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Old 03-06-2010, 09:30 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,679,685 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aidxen View Post
I am curious to know what supervision is interpreted to mean.

and why do they need to play quietly? Like we insist on our kids being quiet at times - in church, at the dinner table for example. But when its play time .... woo hooo lets go kids. run, yell, giggle laugh and yes, cry, scream, thump from time to time.

To me get em outside, with a friend. In the back yard. They can entertain themselves. If there is blood or a bone sticking out then I am close enought to react but the rest of the time, the noise of the kids is not right there in the room so I can do my work and they can have fun.

But I curious what others see supervision to mean.
Ta
My version of supervision is the same as yours. Exactly the same.
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Old 03-06-2010, 09:36 PM
 
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Hypocore, things don't have to be so complicated for getting kids to play by themselves. Four year olds don't need to be 'taught' how to play. Kids INVENTED play.

See, there's a problem with your way of 'teaching' a child to play. He only learns how to do it YOUR way. Kids have wonderful imaginations. They don't need to be taught how to.

Successful? How is a child 'successful' at playing? You way overthink things.
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Old 03-06-2010, 10:25 PM
 
3,086 posts, read 7,594,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
Hypocore, things don't have to be so complicated for getting kids to play by themselves. Four year olds don't need to be 'taught' how to play. Kids INVENTED play.

See, there's a problem with your way of 'teaching' a child to play. He only learns how to do it YOUR way. Kids have wonderful imaginations. They don't need to be taught how to.

Successful? How is a child 'successful' at playing? You way overthink things.
It's actually not complicated at all. It simply takes a little thought and time when you come across a child who doesn't know how to INVENT play.

I actually would guess that you probably parent similarly to how I parent and in doing so our children are already quite independent and able to entertain themselves by age 4. As an example, my kids were able to get their own breakfast by that age without supervision because I gave them the space and time to gain that kind of independence.

The difference is I realize there are many children who don't have the natural ability to gain that independence or the parenting strategies in their house have taken them in a different direction. I understand that a different approach is needed because their path to this point may have been different than my children's path.

Also, since you don't know me you have no idea as to how I teach children, however I can assure you I most definitely don't teach kids to do things MY way. Quite the contrary actually! lol

While I'd agree that most kids don't need to (and none of my kids have ever needed to) be taught how to PLAY, I've certainly seen and taught many that do over the last 20 years. As odd as it may seem, there really are kids that don't know how to play, or don't know how to do things we think they should.

Successful was meant in regards to enabling the child to entertain themselves, not in the child's success of doing so.

Last edited by hypocore; 03-06-2010 at 10:39 PM..
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Old 03-07-2010, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Space Coast
1,988 posts, read 5,371,330 times
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I've been following this thread closely because I have an almost 4 year old daughter that is very similar to the original poster's son.
I think a lot of it depends on the child's personality. Some people (any age) are just more social than others. I was always the kid who preferred to be on my own - practically from birth according to my mother. This worked out well because my brother (12 months younger) always insisted on constant interaction with others. We are both still that way as adults.
My daughter is a social butterfly. I have been encouraging her to play on her own since she could walk. While she *can* play on her own, she will gravitate toward any other human if one is around. If her cousins are in town, then she will completely ignore my existence and play with them for hours on end. If it's just her and me, then she wants to keep a constant dialogue with me. If I tell her that I need to concentrate (like right now as I am trying to type this), then she will talk to her toys. That lasts about 5-10 minutes until she gets bored because they don't talk back. LOL
With respect to the current 'debate', I think both can be right. It just depends on the kid.
I can get things done around the house, but I usually need to involve her in the process or at least seem like I am listening to her chatter. Once she makes friends with someone her age that can come over, I know she will prefer playing with them. We recently moved, so we are still working on that. In an ideal world there would be another only child kid her age right next door with parents that were amiable to letting the kids play together at my house or theirs without having to have both kids' moms (or dads) right there. But that isn't the case in my neighborhood.
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Old 03-07-2010, 08:28 AM
 
4,897 posts, read 18,455,717 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eresh View Post
I've been following this thread closely because I have an almost 4 year old daughter that is very similar to the original poster's son.
I think a lot of it depends on the child's personality. Some people (any age) are just more social than others. I was always the kid who preferred to be on my own - practically from birth according to my mother. This worked out well because my brother (12 months younger) always insisted on constant interaction with others. We are both still that way as adults.
My daughter is a social butterfly. I have been encouraging her to play on her own since she could walk. While she *can* play on her own, she will gravitate toward any other human if one is around. If her cousins are in town, then she will completely ignore my existence and play with them for hours on end. If it's just her and me, then she wants to keep a constant dialogue with me. If I tell her that I need to concentrate (like right now as I am trying to type this), then she will talk to her toys. That lasts about 5-10 minutes until she gets bored because they don't talk back. LOL
With respect to the current 'debate', I think both can be right. It just depends on the kid.
I can get things done around the house, but I usually need to involve her in the process or at least seem like I am listening to her chatter. Once she makes friends with someone her age that can come over, I know she will prefer playing with them. We recently moved, so we are still working on that. In an ideal world there would be another only child kid her age right next door with parents that were amiable to letting the kids play together at my house or theirs without having to have both kids' moms (or dads) right there. But that isn't the case in my neighborhood.
this is EXACTLY my situation----in every respect. i am like you---can be alone for hours, my son is like your daughter exactly!
gees, where do you live, so we can offer each other some "peace"...lol
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