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If your step daughters are really resenting the idea of bringing something they've made you might have bigger problems with them than organizing the dinner. On the other hand, I don't see anything wrong with expecting your teenage sons to prepare something.
We have done a meal for the whole family (kids and adults) over the years
when we are celebrating a birthday. Sometimes we cook and sometimes we go out.
This entire planning,shopping and cooking falls on me with little help from anyone.
I started asking for my grown step daughter to bring a dish but hubby says that
isn't fair because I don't ask my teen kids to do a dish.
We need to eat at home to help with the budget, so do I delegate, end the
BD meals, or do simple things like Hamb and have the guys grill.
How do others have large family get togethers without all the work falling on
one person
I guess I am old school. When I invite people to my home to celebrate something then I do all the work. I am the host of the party and that's what hosts do. If people want to bring something I graciously accept their offer but I don't require my guests to bring their own food.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask everyone to bring something, in fact most people love to share their creations. You probably have an idea of what level skills people have, delegate accordingly. For example, Aunt Beth is a terrific cook ask her to make a meat dish or a pasta dish, cousin Joe doesn't even know how to work the toaster? He can bring the sodas or the beer. Little Julie loves to bake? Have her make cookies. Members of the family who live in the house but don't have much money can either let you buy the ingredients for them to cook something or commit to washing the dishes after the party or cleaning the bathroom beforehand etc.
There is no reason the burden should rest soley on one person. As the host it is expensive to pay for all the food, nerve wracking to come up with a menu and time consuming to prepare all the food and do all the clean up yourself. If a gathering is once in a blue moon then sure you can swing it all yourself but these sound fairly regular and it doesn't sound like you are really enjoying it. Your family should help.
And to be honest, your stepdaughter is in her 30's and doesn't bring stuff? Sorry but that it very rude. A college age kid showing up to someone's house with nothing is passable but a grown woman showing up with empty hands?? I would be so embarressed, when I go to anyone's house for any type of party I ask the host if I can help in some way and even if they say no I still stop at the store and grab at the least a snack food.
There is no reason the burden should rest soley on one person. As the host it is expensive to pay for all the food, nerve wracking to come up with a menu and time consuming to prepare all the food and do all the clean up yourself.
This is what it means to be the host. Hosting a party means you are inviting people to your home to share a meal. It is your job to provide food and drinks for your guests. If it is to expensive do not agree to host.
Quote:
Originally Posted by icibiu
And to be honest, your stepdaughter is in her 30's and doesn't bring stuff? Sorry but that it very rude. A college age kid showing up to someone's house with nothing is passable but a grown woman showing up with empty hands?? I would be so embarressed, when I go to anyone's house for any type of party I ask the host if I can help in some way and even if they say no I still stop at the store and grab at the least a snack food.
I agree with this last statement. Even my son, who is only 16 asks me what to bring to his girlfriend's house when he is invited for dinner.
This is what it means to be the host. Hosting a party means you are inviting people to your home to share a meal. It is your job to provide food and drinks for your guests. If it is to expensive do not agree to host.
You're absolutely correct, but when it's the same small number of guests time after time and they are people you are comfortable with (like your children) and mom is feeling burdened they SHOULD help. Truth of the matter is I think she's been an excellent host, it's her children who are not being very good GUESTS! Someone should be teaching them that it's quite rude to show up to someone's home without something to add to the party or a hostess gift, who better to begin to teach them this lesson than mom? It's a good opportunity for her sons to begin to learn about being a good guest so hopefully like your son when they go to somone elses house they know not to show up with nothing.
I agree that in situations where a parent is continually hosting family events (birthdays, holidays etc), there is no reason that adult children should be exempt from bringing something or at least offering to help out. College age kids don't need to bring anything but they can certainly help out cleaning up afterward or setting up extra chairs etc. Even my DD (in college) knows enough to bring something when she is visiting her boyfriend's family. When we lived in the same town as my in-laws (in my 20's and early 30s) my MIL would host family holidays. It would never occur to me (or any of the sisters or SILs) to arrive empty handed and expect to be waited on.
We used to have big family meals for birthdays and Christmases. There were 6 grown kids and a few grandkids at the dad's home. EVERYTHING was delegated. When it was my turn to do the planning, I made up the menu and did the main dishes, then put a name to everything else (appetizers, relishes, deserts, sides). We always had tons of food and a wonderful time.
Most everybody has moved away in recent years (mostly due to jobs) and we don't get together so much anymore.
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