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Old 03-08-2010, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,696,117 times
Reputation: 19539

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Yep, that's the difference, we're just lazy bums who don't work, that's why my dd is ashamed of us.

Try to give you a timeline---my dh does work, and has been employed FT for the last 6 months. prior to that he was laid off but worked a variety fo contract jobs, so technically he wasn't unemployed in the sense you make out.

We currently both work, that's how we pay the cleaning lady, not out of an UE check. We pay a cleaning lady because I can't do the heavy stuff and dd simply won't.

Glad you're so talented at yelling at your kids. What makes you think I don't/ They simply ignore me, or, worse, run to school and complain to CPS that "mommy yells" which triggers yet another investigation, which is always ruled out, yelling at your kids isn't illegal, or you'd be typing from prison.

So get it straight --we're both employed, FT, evdn if we weren't that's no excuse to go treating your mother like a piece of crap!

You're making a lot if assumptions to pat yourself on the back---we've done nothing to cause our children sahme. First, its a tough job market out there, second, my dh has been employed for the last 3 years, just not FT, due to the economy, and he's now employed and probably making more than you, big mouth!
Hehe...yeah, he probably IS making more than me....but he has YOU for a wife and the mother of his children. I'd say my husband is much richer....by far.
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
4,507 posts, read 9,038,208 times
Reputation: 3360
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Ummm....lets get back to the original post she said "if I were a better mother I wouldn't have fallen and hurt my back, tus inconveniencing everyone". Just how does an accidental fall corralate with being a bad mother?

Guess I should be apoli\gizing to her for falling, after all, look what its done to her, she will mis about 2-3 days of school, of, dear, and perhaps be expected to pick up after herself? Glad to know you're all so physically fit you can grapple with a hostile teenager, people with broken backs aren't noted for their physical strength.
All of your posts about your family are the same....it doesn't matter which one we read. This isn't about your back although your current condition is magnifying the already glaring dysfunction in your home.

You all need serious therapy/intervention. I hope your surgery goes well and that you start taking some steps towards repairing your family but it all starts with you (since you husband is gone, working, out of town or whatever). You shouldn't expect your children to be the ones to champion change in your home...that's your job and you haven't been doing it. I can't imagine my kids would be very cooperative knowing I didn't love them.....that's the position your kids are in too. Good luck with that. While I understand they are not the people they should be at this point in their lives, I feel sorry for them.
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,672 posts, read 22,230,159 times
Reputation: 21364
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Although we've both been unemployed the past 3 years.....doesn't imply current unemployment..........I don't think you get it, besides, what does that have to do with being physically and verbally abusive towards a disabled person with a back injury? Guess I don't deserve any more, after all, I'm just scum.
If you just want someone to agree with you, Marylee, yes, she should not be treating you that way. If you post here, however, most posters will try to give you some advice on how to change the situation. Maybe nothing we've said seems realistic or relevant. In that case, I think maybe Ivorytickler and perhaps some others may have nailed it when they said, you guys need a DIFFERENT counselor. Other than that, yes, I agree with you, her behavior, especially towards someone who is injured is clearly unacceptable.
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:37 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
917 posts, read 2,941,021 times
Reputation: 1045
With the way you talk about your TWELVE YEAR OLD daughter, I'm surprised she didn't push you down some stairs to cause the back injury. At 12, she can tell when she is loved and when she is merely tolerated. You can bend over backwards to do THINGS, but if she doesn't feel loved, she will lash out. So what that you took care of her after surgery? Did you ever let on that maybe you would rather have done something else? Did you make her feel like a burden? I bet you did, based on the way you talk about her and your duty- you're her mother, taking care of her when she's sick should be a privilege, not a chore.

Your daughter behaves this way and says you are a bad mother because she doesn't feel loved by you- you are calling a child a b**** and many other derogatory terms. I'd say that does make you a bad mother. If she senses even an inkling of the disgust you have with her on this board, then why are you surprised she behaves the way she does?

This has nothing to do with your employment status, health, or anything but the family dynamic which you have created it. Since the only thing you can change is yourself, that's all you can do. If you want pity for your poor parenting skills, you've come to the wrong place. If you want constructive advice on how to approach the situation, it's been given. It's up to you now.
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:44 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,679,685 times
Reputation: 2194
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
I'm not "deluding" myself when I say it seemed to have happened overnight. Of course, it must have been brewing for quite sometime, but just seemed to explode all at once.

The whole thing was so ridiculous, she's 5'6", with a very athletic, muscular build, star in volleyball and soccer, while I'm about 5'3" with severe rheumatoid arthritis and can barely hobble around, let alone drown anyone.

Tonight she said so what if she knocked my laundry over, I could pick it up, its not physicaly impossible, just painful, my pain isn't her problem, just suck it up.

When did she become so analytical? From this day forth she can "suck it up" I told her never to go to the nurses office with a headache or stomache ache, just suck it up. If its life threatening they will call 911, otherwise, suck it up!!!

Whe I think of all I've done for her, including nursing her through 4 ear surgeries, that were very expensive and "inconvenient' so she could have perfect hearing, well, I didn't have to, she could have just "sucked it up" with hearing aids, etc.

Honestly, she's turned plain mean on me. So I'm going to Houston to have a procedure done on my spine, so some people will miss their daily routine for 2-3 days, so what? I have a spine borken in 6 places, excruiating pain, ...

... What a rotten thing to say to someone suffering extreme pain, seeking relief, being told to suck it up, your pain is not my problem, I won't help you so much as pick up an item off the floor,..................life isn't through with her yet. She might just suffer pain and know what its all about, then I can tell her to "suck it up".
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
... kids can be plain mean, regardless of their parents "style", employment status, etc.

Its hard to fathom a child actually hating their mother, and harder still not to be the one in charge "I'd do thus and so" Oh, so I'm supposed to physically grapple with a kid bigger, taller and stronger than me who's demonstrated she will get violent if she cares to?"

..I guess YELL AT THEM! Like that does any good, guess it was my fault fo being unemployed for a periiod of time, that puts me at the bottom of the garbage heap, well, if you haven't experienced the current job market, good luck your turn might be just around the corner!
The first thing you have to do is stop feeling sorry for yourself. Seriously.

You are the parent and you are who has to reign your daughter in. Put your foot down and get her under control. You're talking like a 10 year old getting picked on instead of an adult and mother. Get a grip. And tell your husband to grow some b*lls.

Last edited by NoExcuses; 03-08-2010 at 01:05 PM..
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there
128 posts, read 242,778 times
Reputation: 119
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
What many are having a hard time dealing with is that kids can be plain mean, regardless of their parents "style", employment status, etc.

Its hard to fathom a child actually hating their mother, and harder still not to be the one in charge "I'd do thus and so" Oh, so I'm supposed to physically grapple with a kid bigger, taller and stronger than me who's demonstrated she will get violent if she cares to?"

Just what would you say to someone you asked to help you get something to eat (just carry it from the microwave to the table), or pick up luandry she'd knocked over, and she just says that's not my problem? Hmmmm...........I guess YELL AT THEM! Like that does any good, guess it was my fault fo being unemployed for a periiod of time, that puts me at the bottom of the garbage heap, well, if you haven't experienced the current job market, good luck your turn might be just around the corner!
If you talk to your kids the same way you have wrote to the people on this forum, it's no wonder your daughter is acting out. You act as if since you've nursed her through ear surgeries and a car accident, you've done all of the motherly duties you need to do. Being a parent is a job that never goes away. Is she an only child? If not, what about your other kids?

You need to come clean with this in order for people to show you any sympathy. It sounds like your daughter learned how to be a #itch by watching her mother. They don't just wake up one morning and decide to take a turn for the worse.

And, I feel sorry for your daughter, if you're on her about taking drugs or being involved with a boy, or whatever. She's an honor student, an excellent athlete, and do you EVER praise her or make her feel special? Have you EVER told her to 'suck it up', in sports or in school? She's not an honor student to impress herself, she's doing that for you guys as well...and the athletics. She wants to make a good impression on her PARENTS. What kind of parent have you been to her?

Attitudes are learned by kids from observation and examples. Take a look at how you treat others (not just her), and maybe you will see some sort of reflection on how your daughter is treating you.

I'm sorry you're in pain, and I do know how hard that is to deal with (I had a back injury due to a car accident). But, if you want sympathy and harmony, then you need to show it in the first place. If you made a dinner in the microwave and then said to your daughter...but I'm injured, YOU SHOULD DO THIS BECAUSE I SAID SO!, or whatever, then you got what you deserve. You need to grit your teeth and show respect to get your daughter to show it in return. If you are angry and bitter, why should she be any different?
And, do you actually TALK to your kid? Actually just pull her close and ask her what's wrong? If she has felt the need to call CPS more than a few times, there is a huge issue in your home. She wants attention, and that is the only way she knows how to get it. You need to get some help. Way more than the internet can provide.
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Powell, WY
992 posts, read 2,367,309 times
Reputation: 1362
Be a MOTHER, but come down off the cross first.
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Old 03-08-2010, 01:11 PM
 
Location: USA
1,952 posts, read 4,778,580 times
Reputation: 2266
Question Why doesn't he believe you?

What I want to know is: why does your DH believe your DD, instead of believing you?
It sounds like there may be some triangulation going on here.
Almost as if your DH and DD are united against you.

How is your relationship with your DH?
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Old 03-08-2010, 01:16 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,679,685 times
Reputation: 2194
I used to know (key word here is used) who, with her husband, adopted a 5 year old boy from Mexico. They already had a son who was about 9 at the time. She is a neurotic sort of person, but what she did was unbelievable even for her. After they had the boy for a couple years, she sent him back.

Her reasoning: She realized that she didn't need to love somebody else, she needed somebody else to love her.

Moral: It's a bad, bad idea to have kids unless you want to offer yourself up to raising them and not always be the who gets the love.

I've often heard that motherhood is a thankless job. We don't do it for the purpose of gaining appreciation.

You've dug yourself in lady, only you can dig yourself back out.
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Old 03-08-2010, 01:56 PM
 
596 posts, read 887,788 times
Reputation: 1090
This is SO deja vu! I have BEEN the 12 year old girl before! I can tell you everything you want to know about her. My mom was a dead ringer for the OP.
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