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Old 03-13-2010, 06:58 PM
 
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When I was 26 I was dating a 15 year old girl for a few months. Her mother did not like it, but she did accept it. We got along great but she lived way too far away so we ended up breaking up. Age is nothing me than a number. I have never dated a girl my own age. When I was 21 I was with a 38 year old woman. I see nothing wrong with either one.
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Old 03-14-2010, 09:30 AM
 
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Age is just a number. A lot of times when there is no difference in age there is still divorce or abuse or cheating.
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Old 03-14-2010, 09:29 PM
 
Location: California
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My daughter was a 15 year old sophomore when she got involved with an 18 year old the summer after he graduated. I didn't like it but I also didn't want to "forbid" it either, I figured when he left for college that would be that. It wasn't. I was in unchartered territory (she is my eldest) and personally knew of a couple who had been together since they were 14 so even though I didn't believe it was a good idea there was a part of me that wanted to let it play out because you never know right? And she SEEMED happy. Well in this case it didn't end well. My daughter wanted to be with people her own age, at her own school, but he insisted on being there with her for every dance, every formal, etc. Eventually she figured out he was being too contolling and was totally dependent on HER to make HIS life work and make him feel good about himself, because he had issues we didn't even know about. She eventually worked up the courage to end it and he landed in therapy and on meds, a place he should have landed before they ever met.

It wasn't so much an age issue but there were red flags and knowing what I know now I would heed them better.
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Old 03-14-2010, 11:07 PM
 
Location: Middle America
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When I was 17-18, I dated a guy who was 21-22, which was a huge deal to my dad (not such a big deal to him now that I'm in my thirties and live with a guy where there is a similar age gap, except that I'm the older one, hah, but when I was a high schooler, it was different). In all honesty, he was much more gentlemanly and respectful of me than guys I dated who were my same age. He treated me very well, which is something my dad should have been glad about, really.
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Old 03-15-2010, 12:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
.. Well in this case it didn't end well. My daughter wanted to be with people her own age, at her own school, but he insisted on being there with her for every dance, every formal, etc. Eventually she figured out he was being too contolling and was totally dependent on HER to make HIS life work and make him feel good about himself, because he had issues we didn't even know about. She eventually worked up the courage to end it and he landed in therapy and on meds, a place he should have landed before they ever met.

It wasn't so much an age issue but there were red flags and knowing what I know now I would heed them better.
Things like this can happen even when teens are both the same age.

There are no problems that age difference cause except maybe making people other than the two in the relationship uncomfortable.

Wanting to be with people her own age was something that Ceece's daughter realized by looking at HER OWN relationship maturely. It could have just as well be that she didn't like him being overly interested in watching football every Sunday, or hung around with friends who did drugs.
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Old 03-16-2010, 04:22 AM
 
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Age gaps matter less and less as you get older but I am sorry, no 40 year old man should be dating a 16 year old GIRL. Now, if they were 36 and 60, consenting ADULTS, big deal. We have talked to our kids about this and even a freshman going out with a senior is a bit of a stretch for us right now. We have pointed out that at 14/15 there are a lot of things they can't do that a 17/18 year old can--heck, even just going to R rated movies. We have a senior in high school and 2 freshmen and our senior has a lot more freedom then our freshman so they see the difference first hand. We haven't had any issues with it yet so, so far, so good.
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Old 03-16-2010, 07:24 AM
 
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Well, I *was* the older guy, four years apart, and we first met when she was in high school.

It depends entirely on the person. Her mother wasn't happy about my age, but she said she would rather allow it and have some control than to ban it and have none. So she set rules. And it was my task to obey those rules as written in stone. We kept our end of the bargain and she kept hers.

That was twenty years ago, and we've married for eleven and have two kids, house in the burbs, and her Mom comes and watches the kids a few times a month.

However, I know that I'm, "different" than many people, so I don't put our experience as the norm, but rather the exception.
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Old 03-16-2010, 08:29 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,680,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scarmig View Post
Well, I *was* the older guy, four years apart, and we first met when she was in high school.

That was twenty years ago, and we've married for eleven and have two kids, house in the burbs, and her Mom comes and watches the kids a few times a month.

However, I know that I'm, "different" than many people, so I don't put our experience as the norm, but rather the exception.
That's what I like to hear.

I went to high school with a girl who, as a senior, went with a man who was 6 years older. We all thought she was a real woman and were amazed at the age difference. They married right after she graduated and they have been married ever since.

That 6 years means nothing now, but when she was 18 and he was 24, it SEEMED big.

Teens really don't have much in common with an older person who has been out in the world, making a living and going about their business, but that gap closes as the time goes by.

I agree that 17 and 40 is too much. What on earth could the draw be? At 17 there is so little experience with the real world and actually NO experience in being an adult.
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Old 03-16-2010, 08:41 AM
 
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When I was 18 I dated a man twice my age. He was kind and caring and wasn't the kind to pressure me. The only reason the relationship didn't work out was because he was an "Old" 36 and I was a "Young" 18 yo. I wanted to go out and party and he was wanting to stay home. Plus he was done having kids, he had two beatiful little girls at the time, and I still wanted more kids, I only had one child at the time.

I think if he had been a "Younger" 36 and I an "older" 18 and if he still wanted kids, who knows it might have worked out and we might have gotten married and still be married.

I don't know if I would want any of my daughters dating someone much older than them at 16, but I see nothing wrong with it when they are 18. Older men, (men over 25) generally are much more mature, more stable and are petty good husband material. They pretty much have sewn thier wild oats and are ready to settle down and start a family.

Last edited by wyoquilter; 03-16-2010 at 08:42 AM.. Reason: spelling error
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Old 03-16-2010, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,579 posts, read 86,702,293 times
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I have met, during my lifetime, quite a few women that I thought of as "Ageless". That is, they have the comportment and maturity to fit in perfectly and feel comfortable with a person of any age. I would have had no trouble, on the score of age alone, being able to relate intimately to such women, even if they were chronologically much younger than myself. I very quickly found myself ignoring their age, and just accepting them as cultural equals to myself.

So, don't discount the possibility that a very young woman can have "something in common" with a much older man.
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