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Old 03-14-2010, 04:42 PM
 
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Rewarding Kids May Not Be the Best Motivator for Success - ParentDish

Quote:
Whether it's getting them to master toilet training, trigonometry or taking out the trash, motivating kids sometimes involves a reward.

But are parents doing more harm than good by dangling a carrot -- or cupcake -- before their children?


What do you think of the reward system?
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Old 03-14-2010, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,431,289 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
It's great when a Hershey Kiss works. Mine are teenagers. Anything short of a new cell phone doesn't cut it .

Actually, I do bribe my younger dd to practice piano. I swore when I was younger (I always wanted to play like my sister) that if I had a child as talented as her I'd pay them to practice (mom let my sister just quit because she didn't like to practice ). So, I bribe her. She gets $20 if she has a good lesson.

It, actually, works out for both of us. If she has a good lesson, her teacher will, usually, let her go 2 weeks between lessons which saves me $45. If she has a bad lesson, she's back next week. Except for summer when her lessons are every week regardless but that's ok. It still motivates her to practice and I can't stand the thought of her deciding at 12 to walk away from something this special like my sister did. (Why is it the kid who wanted to play didn't get the talent and the kid who couldn't care less got it? Life just is not fair. ).

I'm, seriously, thinking of paying my kids to clean house (we're talking beyond what would be normal chores here) just to avoid the conflict. If getting something for what they to motivates them, then so beit. At least they're doing it.
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Old 03-14-2010, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,407,894 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
A reward system when kids are very young is a useful tool. My lifelong love of reading was developed when my father enticed me to read by paying me a penny a page. Eventually I would have paid him to let me read if I'd had to

Ultimately our job as parents is to instill a sense of SELF-MOTIVATION into our kids. This way, as they grow and mature they are able to find ways to reward themselves
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:23 PM
 
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Quote:
"Rewards, like punishments, can produce only one thing: temporary obedience," Alfie Kohn, author of "Unconditional Parenting" and "Punished By Rewards" tells ParentDish in an e-mail. "What they can never do is help kids become more effective or enthusiastic learners.
I agree with this.
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Old 03-14-2010, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
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I think it depends....on one hand we get rewarded financially at work for a job well done (through bonuses or raises or what have you...). I think a lot of it is how you handle it....a reward is different than a bribe. There is a difference between telling a small child "if you are good at the doctors and don't throw a tantrum, I promise we'll get you a new toy" (out of desperation because the child has a history of bad behavior at the doctor's office)....and explaining to the child before the doctor visit that good behavior is expected and what you mean by good behavior...If the child follows through you can THEN certainly say "you really did a great job at the doctor's office - maybe we can go to the park for lunch.".....

As the child gets older, I agree that it is our job to help them understand self motivation. We had this conversation with DS about grades last year.....he had let some things slip a bit and we were on him and he was not happy with it....we finally just sat him down and asked him what he wanted out of life when he was older; what his goals were etc...Of course, typical of any 15 yo he had a whole list of THINGS - cars, cool gadgets a cool house etc etc...we asked him how he expected to get those things...well he is planning on going to a great school, getting an engineering degree etc etc. The next question of course was how he planned on doing THAT with the grades he was looking at. We finally just told him that we are "on him" occasionally about his grades NOT because it affected US personally (as we had jobs, cars a house etc) but because we want him to be able to reach goals that HE had set for himself....(Of course we also mentioned that we didn't feel obligated to pay for car insurance for a 16 yo. that couldn't manage a "good student" discount...).
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Old 03-14-2010, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Williamsburg, VA
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Sounds like Alfie Kohn (I didn't have a chance to read the link). I kind of get where he is coming from. The constant praise, treats ect don't let the child form their own self esteem and self worth when they accomplish something. In a way we take that away from them by telling them good job for everything from washing themselves in the bathtub to getting an A in school.
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:40 PM
 
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I don't like the rewards system.. my kids know they should be on their best behavior at all times and comply immeadiatley with whatever I ask them to do, otherwise they will be disciplined. The rewards system teaches kids that good behavior isn't expected.
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Old 03-14-2010, 10:03 PM
 
Location: South FL
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
I agree with the article.
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Old 03-14-2010, 11:01 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,341,281 times
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From a behaviorist standpoint, reinforcing desired behavior only really works in the long term if the chosen reinforcement is a tool that is gradually faded out until the desired behavior has become embedded as habit, and is done for that reason, rather than specifically to access whatever the reward/reinforcer is. Long-term behavioral modification is done by at first reinforcing the desired behavior every time, and gradually making the reinforcement more sporadic, eventually fading it as the behavior becomes habitual and that particular reinforcement is no longer necessary.
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Old 03-14-2010, 11:35 PM
 
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I thnik reward works great. that being that the allowance is dependent on doing chrses and not having to be told to do them also. Its just liike reward from wroking. I know i got my first job at 10 years old by paper route. I quickly learn that I like the independence that have moeny in my pocket allowed. I have always had jobs after that until I gradauted college and when to work as a adult. I can still remmeber that my dad told me as long as I had the paper route they would buy me a new bicycle very year because I needed a relaible one, After that I got my first car because I needed it for transportation to work and school. I also learned quickly to save money for any repair or how to maintanin it.My reward for making good grade in school was help in going to college for both I and my brother. By tthat time having been in the working world I knew i wanted that reward.Reward for the right reason IMO is good.
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