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Old 03-18-2010, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 4,482,125 times
Reputation: 1924

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Oka~ I get it... I need to let go a little, I understand that. I don't hover or "lurch" (as someone so nicely put it..) around my kids while they are outside though...
It is difficult because I really don't know the other children (besides our direct neighbors) or their parents and although it is obvious that they are allowed to play unsupervised-which BTW, I never said was right or wrong, I just don't do it... I wasn't placing judgement on the other parents for what they may or may not do, I am just not really comfortable having a bunch of kids in my yard unsupervised....
I don't resent anyone or their children, I guess I resent myself somewhat for not being able to "let go" a little and let my kids be out there w/out me.

So-thanks for the constructive criticism because these boards are almost always good for that!
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Old 03-18-2010, 12:57 PM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,838,003 times
Reputation: 12273
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Well... the nice weather is finally arriving, & for the most part, I hope it is here to stay!
With only a slight problem...

With good weather brings the kids out, which is fine,they need to be outside!! however, my children are young (8 & 4) and I still do not allow them to be outside w/out me. I may let them go in the backyard if I am right in an area inside that I can see them or hear them w/the slider open.
Not very often though.
Why not? I can understand keeping the little one within eyeshot, but an 8 year old should be able to play outside unsupervised. Does the child really NEED you to play with the neighborhood kids or is it YOU who feels the need to watch all the time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
The problem is, all the other kids want to play and there is not one single,other adult outside.
Maybe this should serve as a clue to you that the kids are fine outside without constant supervision (not your 4 year old).

Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
I end up being outside for sometimes 2 hours in the afternoon after school and end up supervising at least 3 other children.
Why would you do this? Their parents did not ask you to supervise them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
I know that when my oldest goes to their house, they are allowed to be outside unsupervised and although I don't like it, I can't tell a parent what to do. They know that when their child is at my house, they are not left outside alone. They think I am "nuts" to stay outside with them.
I think you are nuts to stay outside with an 8 year old also. If your 8 year old can play outside unsupervised when he/she is at a friend's house and they are fine, why wouldn't they be fine at your house?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
We live in a very nice development, haven't heard of any problems,but as we all know,there is not ever a gtd. that "something" couldn't happen.
How long will you keep supervising every move? There is NEVER a guarantee that something couldn't happen. Should I supervise my 16 year old's every move? At some point you have to just let them play.


Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Some of the kids just don't listen.period. When I say it is time to start picking up, because our entire garage bascially gets emptied of balls,hula hoops,bubbles,skooters,you name it, it is pulled out, no one helps.
Don't let them take stuff out unless they put it back. My kids are responsible for making sure that the stuff that gets taken out of our garage (mostly hockey stuff) gets put back. I don't micro manage the process. It's their responsibility to make sure the mess gets cleaned up. I think their friends help. The kids take care of it themselves (this took a little push by me in the earlier years).

Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
I don't want to be the "mean mom" on the block but something has to change this year because I can't take another Spring/Summer of having to be outside all afternoon with everyone else's children.. I feel like a free babysitter and I am done with it all.
Don't take on the role if you are not comfortable with it. You are playing the martyr here. Nobody asked you to be the free babysitter. You took the role on yourself.


Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
How old do you think it is okay to let the kids outside alone? I have told my children they HAVE to stay in the backyard so I can see them,but then when the other children come over,they are all over the place,some in the front,some in the back,etc.... and I just can't watch them all.All of the time.
I have my own things to do and quite frankly don't want to sacrifice my entire Summer watching everyone else's children!
I think it varies by child and by the physical layout of the neighborhood.

If I were you I would not worry about where all the other kids are as long as your kids stay where you tell them to stay (in the backyard). It's not your job to watch them all. Don't make it your job.

Enjoy your summer.
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Old 03-18-2010, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Denver
4,564 posts, read 10,934,588 times
Reputation: 3947
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Oka~ I get it... I need to let go a little, I understand that. I don't hover or "lurch" (as someone so nicely put it..) around my kids while they are outside though...
It is difficult because I really don't know the other children (besides our direct neighbors) or their parents and although it is obvious that they are allowed to play unsupervised-which BTW, I never said was right or wrong, I just don't do it... I wasn't placing judgement on the other parents for what they may or may not do, I am just not really comfortable having a bunch of kids in my yard unsupervised....
I don't resent anyone or their children, I guess I resent myself somewhat for not being able to "let go" a little and let my kids be out there w/out me.

So-thanks for the constructive criticism because these boards are almost always good for that!
Just think - when they are 16 and driving off on their own for the first time, you will think back on these years and realize how letting them play outside on their own was the easy part. Trust me on that one.

If you don't know the parents of the other kids - go introduce yourself. It might make you feel better.

Having a community like that where children of similar ages love playing outside together is a wonderful thing!

Let go a bit - you'll have a better summer and you might enjoy the little bits of peace while they are outside having fun.
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Old 03-18-2010, 04:39 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,755,385 times
Reputation: 30711
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
I wasn't placing judgement on the other parents for what they may or may not do, I am just not really comfortable having a bunch of kids in my yard unsupervised....
Then it's time to let your 8 year old out of the yard unsupervised. The neighborhood kids are coming to your yard to play with your children because they like your children, not because you are there. Be thankful your children attract other children and make friends easily.

The reality is you will be isolating your children if you don't let your child out of the yard AND you don't like other kids in your yard. Grade school aged children need more than an hour or two of playtime outside.

When I first allowed my children to play unsupervised outside of the yard, I made the boundaries very clear----how far up the street they were allowed to do. And I would step outside and check on them regularly by simply looking to see if they were visible. Then, I allowed larger intervals of time to pass between checking. Once I was confident they could respect my boundaries and expectations, I widened their area of freedom by allowing them to play even further away from the house.

You have to start giving independence little by little. You can't expect children to suddenly be old enough to do things alone without experiencing a little independence. You're not helping your children by being over protective. They won't learn important skills if you're always around. It's definitely time to give the 8 year old a little independence.
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Old 03-18-2010, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 3,224,556 times
Reputation: 1723
Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
I agree that the 8 year old should be allowed to play outside with friends without you supervising from the description of your neighborhood. Now, if you lived on a busy street and had drug dealers down the road that would be another issue. People just get too hyped up over the 'someone is going to take my child" thing that the poor kids can't ever do anything.

I would be thrilled to death if the kids in the neighborhood felt comfortable playing in my yard--and when our kids were younger the neighborhood did play in the yard. All the kids in our neighborhood would be out playing, the older kids kept an eye on the younger ones--even as young as 4-we had some older girls that loved playing with the little ones. At any given time we could have 30 kids in our yard. No one got abducted.

As for picking up the toys, just tell everyone before they start that before they go home they have to pick up 5 things or whatever it is.

You should be happy you live in a neighborhood where kids run around and play outside.
I do not think you need to be rigt there to supervise the kids. Our kids play outside without an adult present. The adult is usually in the house or nearby but not right there. The kids walk / ride bikes / rip stiks etc to school in a group. I think the safety comes from being in a group. If there is an accident, then someone can come and find the adult. If they are walking to school in a group, I think it is pretty unlikley that they would be abducted.

I agree with getting the kids to pick up the toys. We have neighbourhood kids come and play at our place. They know the rules and they know the rules will be enforced. They suddenly seem to know how to be polite. To say hello and good by and please and thankyou. Because we explain that those are the rules that apply here. Yes it takes some close supervision to get those rules in place but onece the kids know what is expected, they educate each other so when a new kid turns up, the others soon tell them to put things away or whatever.

I let the kids resolve issues themselves. Are there fights, arguments and tears - yes. Sometimes. Kids are kids. Do I get involved? Yes but not straight away. If it progresses to kids screaming and yelling at each other then I get involved. Usually I can hear if an argument develops and I will have a look out so I can get an idea of the problem and intervene if they do not seem to be moving toward resolving it. Or if a parent has told me about bullying, then I will keep a much closer eye on it. If there is an accident then unless it is really serious then I don't need to know. Serious means broken bones or blood leaking out. A little graze or a bump or falling off a scooter is part of learning.
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Old 03-19-2010, 05:56 AM
 
1,476 posts, read 2,019,906 times
Reputation: 704
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Well... the nice weather is finally arriving, & for the most part, I hope it is here to stay!
With only a slight problem...

With good weather brings the kids out, which is fine,they need to be outside!! however, my children are young (8 & 4) and I still do not allow them to be outside w/out me. I may let them go in the backyard if I am right in an area inside that I can see them or hear them w/the slider open.
Not very often though.
The problem is, all the other kids want to play and there is not one single,other adult outside. I end up being outside for sometimes 2 hours in the afternoon after school and end up supervising at least 3 other children.
I know that when my oldest goes to their house, they are allowed to be outside unsupervised and although I don't like it, I can't tell a parent what to do. They know that when their child is at my house, they are not left outside alone. They think I am "nuts" to stay outside with them.
We live in a very nice development, haven't heard of any problems,but as we all know,there is not ever a gtd. that "something" couldn't happen.
Some of the kids just don't listen.period. When I say it is time to start picking up, because our entire garage bascially gets emptied of balls,hula hoops,bubbles,skooters,you name it, it is pulled out, no one helps.

I don't want to be the "mean mom" on the block but something has to change this year because I can't take another Spring/Summer of having to be outside all afternoon with everyone else's children.. I feel like a free babysitter and I am done with it all.
How old do you think it is okay to let the kids outside alone? I have told my children they HAVE to stay in the backyard so I can see them,but then when the other children come over,they are all over the place,some in the front,some in the back,etc.... and I just can't watch them all.All of the time.
I have my own things to do and quite frankly don't want to sacrifice my entire Summer watching everyone else's children!
I understand how you feel and I think you are wise not to let your 4 and 8 year old children play unsupervised in front even if you do live in a "safe" area. At that age, I would let my kids play in the gated back yard and feel comfortable not being out there every minute assuming I could keep an eye on them from inside the house. I would be firm with the neighborhood kids that if they want to come and play at your house, they need to stay in the backyard and if they don't listen, then they would be asked to leave. Maybe welcome them back the next day to see if they can start following the rules. Same goes for clean up. When you do allow your children to play outside in front and you are out there to supervise (which at their ages, I think you should be) I agree with the other posters, who reminded you that no other parents asked you to supervise their children so don't hold yourself to that task. I like what you said you have begun doing; i.e., kindly telling the child to go ask "their" parent what to do, etc. Good luck!
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Old 03-19-2010, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Arkansas
2,383 posts, read 6,047,772 times
Reputation: 1141
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Parents who let their kids play outside alone are not trying to "pawn off" their child to you. They simply feel that the confidence a child builds when not under the constant supervision of an adult is good for the child.

My kids (16, 13, 10) are allowed to play outside without me. I started letting the older two to play outside together when the oldest was about 8. I went out to watch the little one until he was about 5. At that age I let him outside with his brothers.

Kids want to play with other kids. THAT'S why they come to your house when they see your kids out. YOU have nothing to do withThey don't want you to be the safety patrol. They want you GO INSIDE so that the kids can play without you watching every move they make.
Your kids are 16, 13, and 10! I hope you let them play outside alone. As far as younger children are concerned, that is absolutely what other parents are doing. Rather than get outside themselves, they send their kids outside to play without supervision knowing that the adult outside will watch and protect their kids.
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Old 03-19-2010, 07:46 AM
 
758 posts, read 1,867,718 times
Reputation: 954
That's not what I am doing when I send my kids to play outside by themselves. I send mine outside by themselves because they are more than capable of playing outside without me hovering around them. They know where they are allowed to go and they stay in that area.

Any parent (or non-parent) that thinks they need to supervise my kids while they are outside alone is taking on an unneeded and unwanted task.

Rather than get outside themselves?! I would love to be outside all day long. Unfortunately there is tons of stuff to do inside and if I am outside all day who is going to do the inside stuff? I guess the kids should just stay inside for most of the day.
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Old 03-19-2010, 08:40 AM
 
1,476 posts, read 2,019,906 times
Reputation: 704
Quote:
Originally Posted by dvcgal View Post
Your kids are 16, 13, and 10! I hope you let them play outside alone. As far as younger children are concerned, that is absolutely what other parents are doing. Rather than get outside themselves, they send their kids outside to play without supervision knowing that the adult outside will watch and protect their kids.
Good post. Reps.
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Old 03-19-2010, 09:34 AM
 
2,779 posts, read 5,484,439 times
Reputation: 5068
Check out this author's site, it will make you feel better.
FreeRangeKids

You're not supposed to supervise other people's kids, they sent them outside to be independent.

The 8yr olds in our neighborhood run in a pack in the summer, have awesome water balloon fights and bike races down our cul-de-sac. They come inside for dinner and then back out until the street lights are on, its the way childhood is supposed to be. They probably do stupid things sometimes...again part of growing up.

Remember you're raising an adult who will drive a car, be in compromising positions and walk alone someday down a dark alley...he needs to have some skills to get there.

Start small if you need to. I started letting my 5yr old go to the bathroom by herself at restaurants (yes, I watch the door) and you would think she had won the lottery....independence is so beneficial for them.

My kids are 3.5 and almost 6, when they come home from school I send them outside with our dog (yes its fenced) and lock the house door until dinner's ready. A typical summer day and maybe they come in for lunch...probably just have it on the porch. The windows are open and I check occasionally but its good for them to be away from the tv, in the sunshine and using their own imaginations. Occasionally someone skins a knee or in the case of my 3 yr old, eats dirt, they survive and life goes on.
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