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Old 03-19-2010, 09:46 AM
 
5,747 posts, read 12,025,159 times
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Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
Check out this author's site, it will make you feel better.
FreeRangeKids

You're not supposed to supervise other people's kids, they sent them outside to be independent.

The 8yr olds in our neighborhood run in a pack in the summer, have awesome water balloon fights and bike races down our cul-de-sac. They come inside for dinner and then back out until the street lights are on, its the way childhood is supposed to be. They probably do stupid things sometimes...again part of growing up.

Remember you're raising an adult who will drive a car, be in compromising positions and walk alone someday down a dark alley...he needs to have some skills to get there.

Start small if you need to. I started letting my 5yr old go to the bathroom by herself at restaurants (yes, I watch the door) and you would think she had won the lottery....independence is so beneficial for them.

My kids are 3.5 and almost 6, when they come home from school I send them outside with our dog (yes its fenced) and lock the house door until dinner's ready. A typical summer day and maybe they come in for lunch...probably just have it on the porch. The windows are open and I check occasionally but its good for them to be away from the tv, in the sunshine and using their own imaginations. Occasionally someone skins a knee or in the case of my 3 yr old, eats dirt, they survive and life goes on.
You've just described my childhood. Once I hit elementary school, we were outside all the time. I rode my bike all over the neighborhood, played kickball with my friends at the park, spent entire days at the pool, daydreamed away the hours in the wooded area behind our house, and loved every minute of it. My parents had a ship's bell in the backyard that could be heard for at least a mile, and they would ring it when I needed to come home.

Recently, my mom and dad told me that they thought they were the helicopter parents of their generation. I laughed, because I don't think they truly know the meaning of the term.

Last edited by formercalifornian; 03-19-2010 at 10:14 AM..
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Old 03-19-2010, 10:12 AM
 
3,422 posts, read 10,880,675 times
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We are moving this summer from a rural neighborhood to live, likely and hopefully, on a military base in housing.

I am very excited for my children. They will be 11, 8, 7, and 3. The neighborhood will be full of kids and playgrounds and they will be free to roam with other kids, of which there should be more than plenty within a half-mile radius.

I expect them to be in and out of my yard, and the other kids' yards. I would get irritated if the toys stayed out and the kids did not help put them away. If this became a regular occurrence, after a warning, I would probably get some sort of storage closet or mini-shed and lock it. I would probably tell my kids that since they have a problem with putting away so many things, I am going to limit what they can have out. Little by little, if/when they get more responsible about putting the stuff back, I'd let more toys back out.

Your problem is a good problem to have.

If the windows in your home are not set up so you can hear the kids outside well through them, or you have the a/c running so your windows are closed, one idea I saw in a magazine was taking an old baby monitor and setting it up wherever (in the idea, the mom put it in the garage so she could hear her kids in the driveway while she made dinner) so you can hear what is going on.
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Old 03-19-2010, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Powell, WY
992 posts, read 2,367,309 times
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I've known parents that go to the store, and send their kid to my house. When it was time for her to go, she informed me that her mom went grocery shopping. She was 7. No call from the mom...nothing. So she went with me to run errands. I called her mom and she was like "ok. thanks." Same mom dumped her kid with me, to "run to the gas station"...didn't answer her phone. I had to take my son to the ER (this is during Hurricane Ike...no power or water for WEEKS) because he was vomitting and had diarrhea...I had to take the girl with me in addition to my kids. I called her from the ER and the ding dang dong heifer was getting her NAILS done, so her kid stayed with me at the ER for 5 hours.
Needless to say, we moved from that dreadful neighborhood. It was commonplace for the parents to "send" their kids to our house because I was always home.

There ARE some lazy parents that don't want to watch their kids...we had one next door-their 3 year old son would walk around the street in his underwear, completely unsupervised. This same 3 year old walked into our house one day, turned on my stove and left.

Just had to throw out there that there are some lazy, pretty tacky parents out there.
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Old 03-19-2010, 11:19 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,679,685 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by formercalifornian View Post
You've just described my childhood. Once I hit elementary school, we were outside all the time. I rode my bike all over the neighborhood, played kickball with my friends at the park, spent entire days at the pool, daydreamed away the hours in the wooded area behind our house, and loved every minute of it. My parents had a ship's bell in the backyard that could be heard for at least a mile, and they would ring it when I needed to come home.

Recently, my mom and dad told me that they thought they were the helicopter parents of their generation. I laughed, because I don't think they truly know the meaning of the term.
Reading this post reminded me of my childhood. We lived in the country and were outside from morning until sometimes after dark with little to no time in the house. We had a square mile to roam that was almost all woods and field. We rode our bikes to our aunt's house two miles away, and into town from time to time, again, two miles away. By the time we were 10, we were allowed to ride around our block which was 4 miles.

We had a barn and horses so my brother, sister and I had to clean the stalls into a manure spreader, hook up the tractor and spread it on the fields from the time we were 8, 9 and 11 until we were all in high school. During that same time, we had a neighbor who bailed our hay for us (we didn't have a bailer) and the three of us had to go around the fields with the tractor and wagon and pick up the hay. We took turns driving the tractor for the spreading and hay, but my brother (the 11 year old) backed it into the barn so when my dad got home from work, he and my brother could unload it into the barn so the wagon would be empty for the next day.

Our gravel driveway was really long, and in the winter my brother and I were sent out to help shovel it every year, then Dad would pull the three of us behind his truck on our snow buttons all tied together with a rope. My sister was about 6 when he started doing that. He'd make a sharp turn and she'd go rolling across the snow. What a riot !!!

We really did grow up with more freedom back then.

My daughter has been allowed to be downtown with her friends since she was 15 for movies and tea at the teahouse. Wish we lived back in the country again. Now we're on a busy road with no sidewalks, far from everything. She does walk to her friend's house and to the park a mile away, but it's not the same.
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:32 PM
 
17,101 posts, read 16,270,803 times
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Originally Posted by GottaBMe View Post
I understand how you feel and I think you are wise not to let your 4 and 8 year old children play unsupervised in front even if you do live in a "safe" area. At that age, I would let my kids play in the gated back yard and feel comfortable not being out there every minute assuming I could keep an eye on them from inside the house.
I agree with this. We live in a "safe" area, on a quiet street but I do watch my kids (7 & 9) and their friends when they are playing in the front yard or riding their bikes up and down the street - especially during the hours that people are returning home from work.

Honestly, the kids usually don't need me out there with them. But every now and again something will happen that makes me very glad I was outside with them.

I don't feel the need to be outside every minute with them while they play in the back yard - but I certaintly keep an eye and an ear out for them.
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:34 PM
 
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Some would argue that so called "helicopter" parents are the self-centered ones, they're sacrificing their child's development in order to keep them artificially safe and reassure themselves that they are excellent parents.
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Old 03-19-2010, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
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OMG.... as I said , I realize that I probably need to "let go" a little bit, my gosh! I should know better because all of you are of course, much better parents.... wow! I don't really understand why people are so freaking critical of other people, honestly!
I don't hover around my children when they are outside, I let them play, I let them resolve issues on their own (unless there is need for me to intervene), I am not a "helicopter parent" as some are implying.
I agree, yes, they need to be more independent. I am working on it.
I did the same as mentioned above when I was a child, I was outside with the neighborhood kids all of the time, with no supervision.
Although some will argue that times are not different, that it is just heard of more so, I do believe that times are vastly different.
The older kids are showing the younger kids things on their cell phones, their laptops,etc...
My daughter who is not 8 yet, asked me why the kid down the street has a picture of his friends' "boobies" on his cell phone??? nice.
Yes, we live in a very nice neighborhood, that doesn't mean that the older kids aren't doing what the large marjority of other older kids are doing..
It is these things that I don't need my young kids seeing but if I am not out there , I have no idea what is going on, that is the issue.
I would have kindly asked the kid to put his cell phone away or save it for his friends, not for the younger ones in the neighborhood.
Am I right?

I know that one can't get things done inside if they are outside with their kids,but at the same time, that is part of my problem. I don't see that as bad parenting though, I see it as a parent who just needs to loosen the strings somewhat, I am fully aware of that.


Obviously, coming to these boards for sound advice really doesn't happen much. I would never speak to anyone who asked me for advice the way some of you feel the need to do, it is good to know though,that there are so many other much better parents out there than myself.
For god's sake people, you aren't perfect either.
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:18 PM
 
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I don't think times are all that different. In the old days, there was always a kid who got his hands on a porn magazine and showed everyone in the neighborhood.

And your heavy supervision hasn't managed to protect your 4 year old from seeing boobies since your daughter saw them even with your heavy supervision.

Honestly, you don't need to know everything that is going on every single second. You just need to check regularly to make sure your oldest is safe and within your boundaries. At first, it's a visual boundary where you can easily see them when checking on them. Later, you move to what we always referred to as "calling distance" ---- which is they can't go farther away from the house than they can hear you calling. You check regularly and constantly

It's unrealistic to expect to hear everything that's being said between children. The things you disapprove of are being said at school. Soon, your older child will be seeing those pictures at school too. Just wait. You're in for a huge shock. I remember being disgusted by the things my children were exposed to at school. These are things we slowly learn to live with as parents.

I do sympathize. I remember when my first child went to school. I remember how it bothered me that I didn't know what he was doing every single second. I somehow felt I would feel better if I knew when he was in what room, when he was having lunch, when he was having recess. It was sooooooooooooo hard to let go! But I had to let go. I had to do it so my children could have a healthy childhood.

Nobody is saying that your shouldn't be heavily supervising your 4 year old. Most just thing it's time to give the 8 year old a little more freedom. Just a little.
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I don't think times are all that different. In the old days, there was always a kid who got his hands on a porn magazine and showed everyone in the neighborhood.

And your heavy supervision hasn't managed to protect your 4 year old from seeing boobies since your daughter saw them even with your heavy supervision.

Honestly, you don't need to know everything that is going on every single second. You just need to check on them regularly to make sure they are safe and within your boundaries. At first, it's a visual boundary where you can easily see them when checking on them. Later, you move to what we always referred to as "calling distance" ---- which is they can't go farther away from the house than they can hear you calling. You check regularly and constantly

It's unrealistic to expect to hear everything that's being said between children. The things you disapprove of are being said at school. Soon, your older child will be seeing those pictures at school too.

I do sympathize. I remember when my first child went to school. I remember how it bothered me that I didn't know what he was doing every single second. I somehow felt I would feel better if I knew when he was in what room, when he was having lunch, when he was having recess. It was sooooooooooooo hard to let go! But I had to let go. I had to do it so my children could have a healthy childhood.

Nobody is saying that your shouldn't be heavily supervising your 4 year old. Most just thing it's time to give the 8 year old a little more freedom. Just a little.
Yep. I would be that kid! The magazine stash was in the wooded area behind my house, and I wasn't permanently scarred by the experience. I was also flashed and smelled marijuana in the same wooded area. Nonetheless, I did not grow up to be a degenerate.
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,440,837 times
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I watched my kids outside when they were 4 but by 8 they were allowed to play out front without me hovering. They knew they had to be between our house and the corner and I had to be able to see them when I stepped outside or know whose backyard they were in.

I'll agree that an 8 year old is plenty old enough to play with their friends out front without crossing the street. The 4 year old I wouldn't trust not to cross the street.

When he was 3 or 4, my nephew decided he was going to play with a friend across the street one day (he was supposed to be in his own backyard). When he got to the house, the mom asked if his mom knew he'd crossed the street. He said No but that it was ok because he "closed his eyes and ran across the street." Good thing they live on a quiet street.
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