Here we go.....again.... (lawsuit, 10 years old, safety, elementary school)
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Back to the OP query, I DO think that it is very understandable and responsible for a parent to be outside monitoring their 4 AND 8 year old when they are outside of their backyard. You don't have to be out there hovering over their every move - could be doing some gardening, looking at a magazine, etc. - but providing some low-level supervision. Afterall, at school, they don't just let the kids play outside on the playground, totally unsupervised. JMHO
Back to the OP query, I DO think that it is very understandable and responsible for a parent to be outside monitoring their 4 AND 8 year old when they are outside of their backyard. You don't have to be out there hovering over their every move - could be doing some gardening, looking at a magazine, etc. - but providing some low-level supervision. Afterall, at school, they don't just let the kids play outside on the playground, totally unsupervised. JMHO
THANK YOU!
As I have said previously, I do not hover around my children while they are outside playing, I am doing other things... cleaning out the garage,pulling weeds,etc.... whatever. Sometimes I have nothing really to do out there and sit and read a book,etc... but I am certainly not in their face all of the time.
My op wasn't to cause a heated arguement, but there are certainly people on here (and other threads too,of course) who apparently feel that their parenting style is perfect and others are either too protective,helicopter parents,not doing enough,etc....
I again admit that I need to "let go" a little bit, I was and am just tired of always being the only adult ever to be seen outside when the kids are playing.
One of the little girls can be here for hours with no one ever checking on her, I find that ridiculous when I know that her mom is home and inside getting her things done, while I am outside w/the kids.
I know that many of you have said that I bring it on myself and that the neighbors don't expect me to watch the kids but honestly, I think that some of them DO expect me too, I think it is the thought that they know I am out there, so send them on over.
Oh well~ obviously people have strong feelings about this, I will learn to let the strings go ,slowly... I think my kids are healthy kids...
I know that many of you have said that I bring it on myself and that the neighbors don't expect me to watch the kids but honestly, I think that some of them DO expect me too, I think it is the thought that they know I am out there, so send them on over.
I guess it's hard to say over the internet but I can tell you that when my kids were smaller I sent them outside. I never said-go bother somebody who is already outside.
I think that the issue you are having is that your little one really is still little and really does need some supervision, especially around a street with traffic. So you feel the need to supervise. That is understandable at 4 years old. However, your older child is probably old enough to play with other kids outside without supervision, as are the other 8 year olds in the area. Of course, if you are there, the kids look to you as an adult authority and you wind up filling that role because you are there.
It is a tough spot to be in but I don't think you are going to find parents running around supervising their older kids and I seriously doubt they are sending their kids outside to be babysat by you. If you feel they are you need to address that with the specific parents.
You are absolutely right. You know your children. You know your neighborhood. You know what is happening. You sound like a very good parent, who is very involved with your children. You will let go gradually and when it is appropriate. Keep listening to your inner voice. It is a lot of work to be a good parent but it also pays well - hugs/kisses/kids who turn out really well. Keep up the good work!
Quote:
Originally Posted by GottaBMe
Back to the OP query, I DO think that it is very understandable and responsible for a parent to be outside monitoring their 4 AND 8 year old when they are outside of their backyard. You don't have to be out there hovering over their every move - could be doing some gardening, looking at a magazine, etc. - but providing some low-level supervision. Afterall, at school, they don't just let the kids play outside on the playground, totally unsupervised. JMHO
You continue to imply with your passive aggressiveness that those of us who trust our children to play outside without us hovering around are not good parents. Why is that? Is it that we are not so insecure in our parenting? Don't you think kids deserve our trust? Do you think kids are incompetent?
I'm not understanding this at all. We trust our kids so we're not good and responsible parents. Explain that to me please.
I wouldn't want my kids to be a part of it either, but I don't think the fact that it happened is that big a deal. There are lots of things that happen, that we would prefer not happen. But they are not all of equal importance. This would be a small issue, although I agree it is not optimal.
I'll bet if it was your 11 year old's genitals that were on that phone you'd feel differently. Even more so if he was 8.
Seriously, how can any mother think that a 14 year old taking phone photos of an 8 year old girl playmate with her shirt up isn't a big deal in the neighborhood?
You continue to imply with your passive aggressiveness that those of us who trust our children to play outside without us hovering around are not good parents. Why is that? Is it that we are not so insecure in our parenting? Don't you think kids deserve our trust? Do you think kids are incompetent?
I'm not understanding this at all. We trust our kids so we're not good and responsible parents. Explain that to me please.
Perhaps, you could reread my posts. I believe they clearly state what I, myself, believe is an appropriate level of supervision for children of the OP's age, which is what she was asking. You may do differently with your own children. I don't believe, nor was I implying that there is a law regarding this. I believe that that is the purpose of these boards; i.e., to offer advice when asked and give OPINIONS. Have a good day.
Seriously, how can any mother think that a 14 year old taking phone photos of an 8 year old girl playmate with her shirt up isn't a big deal in the neighborhood?
I don't recall that the picture was of an 8 year old playmate.
I got the impression that an older boy has a picture of an older girl on his phone, and he showed it to the younger kids.
To the OP... like I said I also have a 8 and 4 year old they do play outside on their own with minimal supervision I peak out. the 8 years old keeps an eye on the 4 year old. My 8 year old is also allowed to ride her bike on the street down the block... (we don't have sidewalk and its a quiet street of course while she's riding her bike her lil bro is with me)
An option... I bought both of my kids walkie talkie for christmas her fav. character and his fav. character... I bought them because i had them as a kid and they are fun... Well as it turns out they can be useful too My daughter now takes it out with her because she wants to and I keep the other one and she talks to me and her lil bro they work on the same frequency. So recently she had them with her I was ready to step out of the house I could see her down the street talking to a friend but she was not looking in my direction I just got on the walkie talkie and told her it was time to leave and she came home put her bike away and that was that... Maybe an option to make you feel a little more comfortable.
Well... this is the OP again!
Let me just tell you what happened yesterday and then all of you who said that you don't think my neighbor expects me to watch their children, tell me what you think again...
2 of the neighbor girls were over playing yesterday, and ,believe it or not, I did let all of them play in the backyard while I stayed in my kitchen to get a few things done. I did eventually go outside, but again, I don't hover or lurk as some have suggested. I started straightening some flower beds,etc.... in any case...
they all played well in the backyard. For TWO HOURS. Neither of the girls parents came over or called to check on them, are you sure it's okay they're there for TWO HOURS? on a school night,etc... I don't know, I mean, I would certainly check on my child after 2 hours, but whatever.
At 5pm I said that my kids needed to come in now, I would walk the other 2 home, one living right next door. The other a few doors down.
I get to my nxtdr neighbor and she is JUST PULLING IN THE DRIVEWAY... I thought, oh maybe she had to run one of her other kids someplace quickly, I didn't really know because again,she never checked on her daughter with me.
She proceeds to get out of her van and start emptying bags of groceries!
She said "oh, I hope you don't mind, I had to RUN to the store" , this wasn't a "RUN" to the store everyone ,this was grocery shopping! this was about 8 bags worth of "JUST RUNNING TO THE STORE"... she was obviously gone almost the entire time the kids were outside. That is nice I thought, here I am with the kids,and she doesn't even bother to ask me if I had anything going on,nothing. Okay, so I didn't say much,just idle chit chat and I proceeded on to walk the other little girl home.
We get to her house only to find her mom not home at all. Nope. Her older daughter was home and said "oh, my mom tried calling you but she couldn't get a hold of you, she had to go to the store".. no one tried to call me, I had both my land phone and my cell phone outside and she never called.
SO, my guess now is that these neighbors EXPECT me to yes, babysit ,their children. That is exactly what I was doing.
They are both very nice women, but it is very obvious that their chores are more important than mine are and I think that will be the last time that will happen.
I don't recall that the picture was of an 8 year old playmate.
I got the impression that an older boy has a picture of an older girl on his phone, and he showed it to the younger kids.
Yes,you are exactly right... it was an older boy in the neighborhood riding his bike around and stopped and showed my child & the other younger ones, the picture of a girl friend of his with her shirt pulled up...
Sorry, still not appropriate for my child to see.
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