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Old 04-10-2010, 10:28 AM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,764,882 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
SO, my guess now is that these neighbors EXPECT me to yes, babysit ,their children. That is exactly what I was doing.
They are both very nice women, but it is very obvious that their chores are more important than mine are and I think that will be the last time that will happen.
You're doing this to yourself. If children wander into your yard to play with your children, your only responsibility is to make sure your yard is safe and children don't get hurt on your property. When it's time for the children to go home, you simply tell them to go home. You don't walk them home. They got there on their own---their parents allow them to walk through the neighborhood alone. If the children go home and the parent is not there, that's NOT YOUR PROBLEM. That's a decision the parent made. The parent decided to leave their child alone in the neighborhood while shopping. The parent didn't send their child for you to babysit. And even if they are expecting it----because you have taken the responsibility on yourself by doing things like walking them home----you are under no obligation to assume responsibility of these children if their parents didn't specifically ask you to watch them.

It's time you got a backbone. Complaining about it and judging the other parents is getting you nowhere. You simply need to send children home when it's time for your children to go inside. Let their parents have the responsibility that is theirs. If they aren't supervising their children appropriately for their age, that's not your problem. That's their choice of how they are parenting. If it's bad, CYS will take the children away. However, I suspect that they are just more liberal than you.

I never left my children alone while grocery shopping until closer to 10 years old. But I do know many of my neighbors left their children alone for an hour at much younger ages. That was their choice. It wasn't my responsibility to watch them. If they got hurt in the neighborhood and came to my door looking for help, I'd help them. (Heck, I've had kids pass up their parents house and come to my house for a bandaide even when their parents were home!) I wasn't staying outside because I felt their safety depended on me.
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Old 04-10-2010, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
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^^^Agreed.
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Old 04-10-2010, 03:33 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 2,378,993 times
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I think that your main problem is that people send their kids to your home without calling first to make sure it's OK.

This drives me crazy. I live in a small 12-home subdivision that ends in a cul-de-sac. It's in a very safe, rural area and everyone knows everyone else.

Certain families got into a bad habit last summer. They'd just send their kids over to my house without checking to see if I was home or if I wanted extra kids in my yard. I let it slide once or twice. Once I realized it was becoming a bad habit I had no problem telling the kids that we were busy and to have their moms call me to set up a better time for a playdate.

It's worked out quite well. I feel comfortable letting my 10 and 8 year olds play outside by themselves, but I don't want to be responsible for some of the younger kids in the neighborhood, especially the ones that tend to misbehave and get in trouble.

Remember, no one can take advantage of you without your consent.
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Old 04-10-2010, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,379,095 times
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Once my kids were into elementary school, I couldn't imagine having to set up a "playdate" with a child whose house was close enough to walk to. When I grew up and when my own kids were young, kids around the neighborhood would routinely go to one another's house and knock on the door to see if Johnny or Mary could play. I can't imagine, as a parent, getting in the middle of that to basically set up an appointment to play with a neighborhood child. Now of course, if the child lived far enough away that a car or bike ride was in order (or if inclement weather meant that they'd be playing inside) then that would be different. I never expected that when my kids were playing outside they were anyone's responsibility other than mine.
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Old 04-10-2010, 09:22 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 2,378,993 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I never expected that when my kids were playing outside they were anyone's responsibility other than mine.
I totally agree. However, parents who send their kids to another home may assume that there is someone there to watch them.

Frivilous lawsuits are quite common these days. I have a pond at the edge of my property. Kids love to get close to it to watch the tadpoles and frogs. This is fine if I know they're there and can supervise. Or, in the case of older kids, if I've asked them not to jump into the pond and can trust them to listen.

I don't want to be in a position where a kid who has come into my yard without my knowledge gets hurt (the pond isn't that deep but they say a kid can drown in shallow water) and I certainly don't want to be sued. Maybe I'm being paranoid but better safe than sorry imo.
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Old 04-10-2010, 09:24 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,379,095 times
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Ah...you live in different circumstances than I do...we live in a suburban neighborhood where homes are fairly close and everyone's yards are fenced. No one is playing in our yard or on our property unless we're there...
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Old 04-11-2010, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
1,820 posts, read 4,482,437 times
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ok...so again, it is me. Well, that is okay, everyone again,is entitled to their own op!

I am sorry, there is just no way I would EVER let a child walk home alone after they are playing at my house... I wouldn't feel right , what if the child doesn't go right home? what if the child got home and no one is there ? (which would have happened if I sent my neighbor's child home any earlier) and I closed my garage door and just wiped my hands of them after they left?
I don't know, maybe I do take too much burden on myself but it certainly isn't because I dont' have a backbone, I just can't do that. I have to be sure that child walked in their home safely.
Just who I am.
Oh well....
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Old 04-11-2010, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,379,095 times
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Nothing wrong with that - just don't keep thinking it's the other parents who are putting that burden on you....it's not...If they are not walking their own children from their house to your house, then they certainly are not expecting you to walk them home. I don't know your neighborhood, the distance between my front door and my next door neighbor's front door is probably roughly the width of 3 driveways so walking them home would seem a bit of overkill. If it were getting dark or if it were further than a few doors away and the kids were on the younger side, I would most likely watch to make sure they got where they were supposed to...
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Old 04-11-2010, 03:21 PM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,840,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
Well... this is the OP again!
Let me just tell you what happened yesterday and then all of you who said that you don't think my neighbor expects me to watch their children, tell me what you think again...

2 of the neighbor girls were over playing yesterday, and ,believe it or not, I did let all of them play in the backyard while I stayed in my kitchen to get a few things done. I did eventually go outside, but again, I don't hover or lurk as some have suggested. I started straightening some flower beds,etc.... in any case...
they all played well in the backyard. For TWO HOURS. Neither of the girls parents came over or called to check on them, are you sure it's okay they're there for TWO HOURS? on a school night,etc... I don't know, I mean, I would certainly check on my child after 2 hours, but whatever.
At 5pm I said that my kids needed to come in now, I would walk the other 2 home, one living right next door. The other a few doors down.
I get to my nxtdr neighbor and she is JUST PULLING IN THE DRIVEWAY... I thought, oh maybe she had to run one of her other kids someplace quickly, I didn't really know because again,she never checked on her daughter with me.
She proceeds to get out of her van and start emptying bags of groceries!
She said "oh, I hope you don't mind, I had to RUN to the store" , this wasn't a "RUN" to the store everyone ,this was grocery shopping! this was about 8 bags worth of "JUST RUNNING TO THE STORE"... she was obviously gone almost the entire time the kids were outside. That is nice I thought, here I am with the kids,and she doesn't even bother to ask me if I had anything going on,nothing. Okay, so I didn't say much,just idle chit chat and I proceeded on to walk the other little girl home.
We get to her house only to find her mom not home at all. Nope. Her older daughter was home and said "oh, my mom tried calling you but she couldn't get a hold of you, she had to go to the store".. no one tried to call me, I had both my land phone and my cell phone outside and she never called.

SO, my guess now is that these neighbors EXPECT me to yes, babysit ,their children. That is exactly what I was doing.
They are both very nice women, but it is very obvious that their chores are more important than mine are and I think that will be the last time that will happen.
Well-if you need to go somewhere and there are a whole bunch of kids in your yard, send them home and go where you need to go. If their parents aren't home that really isn't your problem. I wouldn't worry about it. If you need to leave just leave and send the kids home. If they can't get in that is not your problem. It is not your job to watch the neighborhood kids.

If their parents needed a hand they should have asked you, not assumed you would be home.
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Old 04-11-2010, 03:33 PM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,840,258 times
Reputation: 12273
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67 View Post
ok...so again, it is me. Well, that is okay, everyone again,is entitled to their own op!

I am sorry, there is just no way I would EVER let a child walk home alone after they are playing at my house... I wouldn't feel right , what if the child doesn't go right home? what if the child got home and no one is there ? (which would have happened if I sent my neighbor's child home any earlier) and I closed my garage door and just wiped my hands of them after they left?
I don't know, maybe I do take too much burden on myself but it certainly isn't because I dont' have a backbone, I just can't do that. I have to be sure that child walked in their home safely.
Just who I am.
Oh well....
Their parents left the house without checking where the child is. That's not your problem unless you allow it to be your problem. When it's time for you to do your thing, send the other kids home and do your thing. If they have to sit outside the house and wait for their parent, that's what they do.
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