My 13 year old has disobeyed and continues to talk to this bad boy
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Hi there! I'm still really young myself so I think I can help out since I know where she is coming from.
My parents tried to do the same things to me that you are doing to her.
1. Telling her she can't do something just makes her want to do it even more. So like everyone else has said, let her have her myspace/facebook page, under the stipulation that she allow you to be added to her page so that you can check it when you want to. Don't try and make her spend more time with you guys though. Then you'll just be smothering her and pushing her away even more.
2. As far as boys go, you can't keep her from them! What I would suggest, and it's something my parents did with me, is to let her see boys. Once again with boundaries. My parents used to go pick up my boyfriend and bring him over to the house to hang out. This way I got to spend time with him outside of school and my parents could keep an eye on me. The boy probably isn't as bad as you think he is. He's probably more of a show off than anything.Not only that but she is at the age where she will be thinking of boys pretty much non-stop. So might as well let her have her boys in a controlled environment. As for the 23 year old...if that situation comes up again call the cops immediately!
3. As for taking things away from her and never returning them...that's no bueno. Taking away things as punishment is great discipline, but if you never give them back you will eventually run out of things to take away. When you finally run out she won't care anymore because she has nothing to lose anymore.
4. Keep her busy and listen to her! Find something she really wants to do and take her to do it. Sports, music, some sort of club...anything to keep her busy so that she doesn't have the time to get into trouble. I know that most everything that comes out of her mouth is juvenile and never a good enough excuse, but listen to what she has to say and then find a middle ground. There's always a way to compromise...she's a teenager for crying out loud, what does she truly know?
Good luck with everything!
Coolhand and CEspeed. PS.. tried to Rep you both but something about I had to spread it around
I think a little of both of thier advice is what you need -- try to do things she would like to do casual stuff like the gym membership random dinners out at a place she would like and talk about stuff on a car ride just her and you/wife... Maybe she'll open up a little and when she does just listen like someone else said its going to be hard because what she says really wont make to much sense to an adult but its how she feels so it is important. My heart really does go out to you because I can only imagine the difficult time your having My DD is just a little kid right now I do not look forward to when she's a teen... My insight comes from the fact that I was a teenage girl and know what I would have liked... Good luck!!!!
hier speaks european mother of soon..13 years old too ...
my opinionsorry you will not like it)..YOU NEED COUNCELLING.not your daughter!!!and not only counceling,you need to get informed,to educate yourself...!!!go to library,take books about puberty,teenagers,read articles and so on...and learn the most importante thing in parenting:DISCIPLINE AND SET BOUNDARIES!!
oh..she went on my space,although you told her not to..oh,bad ,bad child..NO WRONG WRONG..bad,bad parent!!!your duty is to supervise!!!if you decide to give a child in puberty access to internet,MAKE YOUR DUTY and if you are not capable of,stay away from it..make your duty and cheque on your child...cheque her activity online,cheque which pages,she visites..if you are not an expers,learn and get the knowledge or help...have acces to internet in this age is NOT A GAME!!!
ALL YOUR FAULT and you have no excuse and you have not to wonder about it..you do not trust a child 13 that he will not make an account...you do not believe them in this age..your duty is supervise and cheque on them,do you get it????
now cell phone same story...you cheque all the calls in and out, all the messages...you could have prevented a lot,but parenting of a child in puberty is a game for you...what about take responsability and make your duty???nobody forced you to put a child in teh world,make your duty,supervise properly...my child has a cell phone too and guess what,who is chequing all the calls,all the messages..me!!his mother!!!who is chequing his friends,his contacts??????us,his parents!!!it is our duty!!!
you took cell phone away and then you found her texting again,you say???how come???is this discipline???acording to you?you give her cell phone back,when she is an A student again..B is not good enough,she must work harder..period ,no discussion...you take phone today,tomorrow give it back.no consistency...!!!
have you ever heart that child in puberty use my space and give a wrong age???the 23 years old boy,can be 14...or 13....or younger ...with equal irresponsable parents,who do not supervice acces to internet like you...many kids in my child's class do this...even wrong identity...they are still kids,do you get it..it can be a 23 years old,but i think is more likely a 14,playing a 23 years old...a 23 years old would have been afraid he comes to jail,but this one did not care,while you talked with him,because he is indeed 14!!...
before you exagerate and overreact this way,try to read more about children in puberty,get more educated about internet and cell phone acces for children and safety tipps...take your child out from the counselling as fast as possible..i do not believe in counseling in this age and under this circumstances...the only one who needs councelling is you..and step up finally..no cell phone,no computer..supervise child properly after school and life will be fine again!!
...final word: shame on you!!..you could have prevented all of this,you gave her computer withouht properly supervising,and cell phone and so on.....and learn more about puberty and teenagers...read more,your horizont will open,you will be able to solve your issues alone,to parenting alone withouht running immediatelly to a pshyhologue or councelor!!!like americans like to do...blame everybody,but not yourself!!!look in the mirror,be a parent and do your jobe properly...supervise chidl properly,she will go over it!!and you learnt your lesson!!and gave her activities after school,so she is busy and have no time to think at boys...school first,no boys in this age....education,school is numebr one..she will survive withouht computers and cell phone,till she learns to handle them properly.Period.
Last edited by Buburuza13; 03-23-2010 at 09:08 PM..
hier is a good book for you: "you can't scare me...i have a teenager" Thomas W.Stacy and David A.Gold (a parent's basic survival guide).You can find it in the library or on ebay.
I told my husband your story,he totally agrees with me and in addition he said you should be careful.Your job should not be talking to boys on the phone (especially little boys..he thinks also,the boy might be indeed 14..we are parents of a boy and we would not accept that..our boy is excellent,never any complains,great student,excelelnt behaviour towards girls and great education...but if it were the case with a girl,then i expect the father to call ME and not have contradictory discussions with my minor child...it is my duty to forbid MY child,control,educate,not his duty...,it can very fast turn against you...your job should have been:stop immediatelly conversation,take cell away,to avoid future contact and conversations. My husband would never talk with a boy or a girl on the phone,you never know,they can be indeed under age and you are faster in trouble then you imagine. Your job is to supervise and educate YOUR child,not the other child.
You could informe his parents,if you know his identity or if you can find out his identity,but other child is other area,you should not interfare,especially if it is about minors...i do not know,which state you are..but in california for example...very,very wrong to just calll the boy,especially,if he is a minor..you have no right to...if you are suspicious ,he is 23 y (i do nto believe that),you go to police,but never call and "attack" aboy,a minor verbally,forbidde him not to see your daughter and so on..he is not your child,you have no right to corect him,you have no right to educate him,to forbidd him and so on...you take care of your child,so you do not get in trouble with minors!!it can go faster,then you imagine...be very carefull..concentrate on yoru child and make your job properly...not just put the child in front of teh computer,video games,tv..adn so on ..withouht proper supervision...just to get rid of him,like i see at many american parents around me...they simply do not care,what the kids are watching,playing or where are they surfing..absolutely irresponsable parenting...
Last edited by Buburuza13; 03-24-2010 at 07:10 AM..
I'm going to take it one step further.....It is your job to protect your child and from your post I can see that you take that job very seriously. It's also your job to raise this child to be a productive member of society. That's the tough part.
I say...find this boy's parents and show them the text messages. Be prepared for your daughter to be blamed and in reality she is just as guilty as the boy...but that doesn't mean he's innocent.
Try to convince/teach your daughter to have more respect for herself. 13 is a very confusing age especially for a girl. They see all these "bad girls" on TV and everybody thinking they are so cool.
My way of thinking is why would they want everyone to know how trashy they are....but that's just me.
Ask her what kind of reputation she wants to have. Let her know that 14 yo boys talk to their friends and those friends talk to other friends...it won't be long before she's got a bad reputation. That boys will only want one thing and will have no interest in actually getting to know her as a person.
she's fight you for sure but in the end she'll thank you.
A Parent's Guide you were too lazy to get informed and educated....this all would not have happened!!!
as a parent you have duties and responsabilities..you can read ,what you should have done..you decide to give acces online to a child,be RESPONSABLE..get educated...
your daughter is not innocent,but the biggest blame you have,you PARENT,who did not make your duty!
granny is right..she can get a bad reputation and all because of YOU !!! you were not capable to parent responsable and you did not teach her the right values!!!!the child is the mirror of your education,your work put in it,your values..and you look so ugly right now in this mirror!!!as a parent i would give you an - F and especially your wife..a mother should be there to teach a girl the right values,have respect for herself,teach her,how to talk with boys,how to choose boys and so on...
Just to throw this out there... I attended alternative school, and subsequently never got any form of diploma or GED after dropping out of that as well.
I make a 6 figure salary, I support my mother-in-law(she lives in my home and is unable to work), I have a happy wife, and a son who wants for nothing.
I don't know the kid and he sounds like a jerk, but I wouldn't personally judge him according to what school he attends. Additionally, if he was able to transition from an alternative school to a standard public school, he would have to do something right.
Same boat, but instead I'm currently in college with a 3.9GPA and expecting a lucrative career next year after graduation.
I had good luck with my daughter participating in what's called equine facilitated psychotherapy. This is where the kid goes out and works with horses. The place my daughter went to is Flip Flop Ranch www.flipflopranch.com , which is a working ranch and home to a non-profit providing therapy services on a working ranch for at-risk teens and women. I don't know where you're at, but there's probably something nearby you if you look for it. She was such a brat, but she was excited to go to therapy because she got to work with a horse. I learned a lot about how to discipline her from watching her and her therapist/horse trainer. For example, if she didn't want to do something then the therapist made her muck horse corrals! That made me realize that I could be creative in disciplining and it wasn't all about yelling. I never saw the therapist yell at her. I feel like my daughter really respects herself after this experience. She earned self-respect through hard work and learning to train horses and all the other ranch work she did.
Last edited by Parent81; 04-01-2010 at 02:46 AM..
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