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Old 03-21-2010, 11:00 AM
 
Location: South FL
90 posts, read 182,040 times
Reputation: 49

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Hey everyone, I know this is a strange topic to post in a city-data forum, but i'd rather not go through the process of registering for a forum elsewhere! lol.

Anyway, I don't live with my mother, she lives in another city but I visit her from time to time. She is single, and takes care of my little brother and sister who are in elementary and middle school. I've noticed as years have gone by that she has done less and less housework. It has gotten to the point that the house is always extremely filthy, especially the kitchen and bathrooms. It's hard to stay at her house as a visitor because of this issue and the house always tends to have a bad odor wafting throughout. I feel bad. I know she is alone and does everything on her own, but is there anything I can do to help her out with this? It doesn't seem healthy to live in conditions like she is now. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? She never has people over anymore because of the condition of her home. Thank you.
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Old 03-21-2010, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,340,050 times
Reputation: 41121
Why arent' your younger siblings helping out? Middle school and older elementary school are certainly old enough to be cleaning bathrooms and kitchens....? Maybe she's depressed or overwhelmed. Perhaps you could spend a Saturday there assisting with cleaning and teaching your siblings how to do it?
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Old 03-21-2010, 11:19 AM
 
Location: South FL
90 posts, read 182,040 times
Reputation: 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Why arent' your younger siblings helping out? Middle school and older elementary school are certainly old enough to be cleaning bathrooms and kitchens....? Maybe she's depressed or overwhelmed. Perhaps you could spend a Saturday there assisting with cleaning and teaching your siblings how to do it?
I don't think she has ever really taught them to clean up after themselves. But I guess that's obvious. Growing up she always made sure I cleaned up after myself, so I don't know what has changed. I guess stress could be a part of it. But this has been going on for nearly 5 years now! I have tried to help her with this in this past, cleaning, suggesting things to improve the situation, but she always takes it very personally and doesn't want me to "tell her how to raise her children/run her home" as she puts it.
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Old 03-21-2010, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
24,012 posts, read 28,340,050 times
Reputation: 41121
You might try approaching it by expressing your concern for her rather than the dirty house (if that is how you have brought it up...). Tell her she is doing so much by carrying all that responsibility herself, you just want to help HER out ....Frankly though, unless it is bothering her or the older kids, there isn't much you can do about it unless it gets to the point where it is a health hazard of pretty large proportions....People can choose to live in a dirty house.
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Old 03-21-2010, 11:40 AM
 
5,747 posts, read 12,012,137 times
Reputation: 4511
Could there be a physical issue? Maybe she's unable to stoop and/or kneel, which prevents her from cleaning effectively. Is her personal hygiene unsatisfactory? Do you see any signs of depression?
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Old 03-21-2010, 02:41 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,673,869 times
Reputation: 2194
She's single
Younger children
Grown child
My guess is that she's tired of raising kids and gave up on everything. It's up to her to find her way out, but maybe you could offer your brother and sister a little reprieve from time to time by taking them out of that mess and somewhere they can breathe clean air and be outside or someplace where it's neat. They're the ones I'd be concerned about.
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Old 03-21-2010, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,401,063 times
Reputation: 14692
Hire a cleaning service to come in once a month.

It sounds like she can't cope with all she has on her plate.
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Old 03-21-2010, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
6,869 posts, read 11,180,688 times
Reputation: 10757
Smile An idea

I think she's overwhelmed.

A cleaning service for a day is a great idea. Why don't you take her out to lunch, do a makeover day, just do some girl stuff.

Have your sibs taken care of by a friend, neighbor, etc - or they could tag along.

Just do it - she will appreciate.

When she comes back to the house and see it all clean, she will feel so good about herself - it will be a fresh start.
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Old 03-21-2010, 03:54 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
6,869 posts, read 11,180,688 times
Reputation: 10757
Smile Also...

Nikki - you're in South Florida - if you're/she's in around Pembroke Pines or Hollywood, I will suggest a great service to you (cleaning). For $90, these 2 women were amazing - 5 - 6 hours, unbelievably good.
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Old 03-21-2010, 04:04 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,622,222 times
Reputation: 30710
Sounds like your mother might be suffering from mental illness---especially since she was able to keep her house clean previously.

She could even have a physical problem, like a B-12 or Iron deficiency that is causing her to not have energy to clean.

I know my vitamin deficiency made it very difficult for me to clean my house. After I started receiving shots, I had the energy again.
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