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Old 03-22-2010, 03:26 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 23,948,669 times
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My sisters grand daughter has picked up the habit of taking things and hiding them . I mean everyones things . Well it seems as though she has done it at school now and her teacher called her a thief . Well the teacher called her mother and told her what had happened and admited to calling her a thief . My sister told me that when they got home my niece spanked her daughter on her rear end severly as my sister tells it and she said she was going to say something but her daughter was so angry that she felt like she could not say anything to her . I told my sister I thought her daughter did the right thing . My sister has the daughter and the granddaughter living with her . This child takes everyones things and hides them and then when asked she says she did nt . In other words she also lies about it too . Im just wondering how the rest of you would have handled it ?
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Old 03-22-2010, 03:31 PM
 
Location: 38°14′45″N 122°37′53″W
4,156 posts, read 10,977,842 times
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I would be figuring out what this child perceives as "missing" in her life that she chooses to get attention in such a negative way. You didn't mention how old she is, or how she reacted to the entire ordeal so it's hard to figure.
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Old 03-22-2010, 03:53 PM
 
108 posts, read 507,352 times
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Negative attention was my thought, too. Is there any kind of pattern to what she's taking? Have any of the items been located? I would have my child return the items to their rightful owners with an apology. If she says she didn't take anything but the items are located, she needs to first accept responsibility, then put herself in another's shoes by returning the items with an apology and then trying to figure out why she's taking things.
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Old 03-22-2010, 04:10 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 23,948,669 times
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She is 8 yrs old and no there is no pattern to what she is taking , I myself am thinking negative attention but grandma is always there and after work mom is too . no the items have not been located but knowing my sister she has not looked for them and neither has mom . my sister says that she cannot figure this child out at all and she gets the negative attention by getting in trouble but mom has to be really upset to punish her . Like mom has to be embarassed for her to punish her . so i told my sister i dont know what to tell her to do with the child except make the punishment more severe. Like maybe stripping her room and no tv or things like that .
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Old 03-22-2010, 04:18 PM
 
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The mother likely spanked with enthusiasm out of frustration and embarrassment. I hope when she calmed down she had a reasonable talk with the child. Since they are living with grandma, there must be some family dynamics going on that are disturbing the girl and her feeling of security. That is never a good situation. It is difficult for the mother to be an effective mother and still be a daughter in the same house with it belonging to her mother.
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Old 03-23-2010, 10:03 AM
 
1,429 posts, read 4,264,281 times
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Have you looked up kleptomania to see if this fits the child? It doesn't seen the child is stealing to actually have the items, but just to take them. This is a psychological disorder. You need to look into the causes and deal with the root problem.
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Old 03-23-2010, 10:35 AM
 
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I doubt it's that serious. It sounds like an identity issue or personal security issue. A lot of kids go through a stage of taking things that don't belong to them and hiding them. Taking things that seem important to someone else or things that have some sort of value to themselves. Doesn't mean they are kleptos or thieves.
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Old 03-23-2010, 10:52 AM
 
Location: 38°14′45″N 122°37′53″W
4,156 posts, read 10,977,842 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
She is 8 yrs old and no there is no pattern to what she is taking , I myself am thinking negative attention but grandma is always there and after work mom is too . no the items have not been located but knowing my sister she has not looked for them and neither has mom . my sister says that she cannot figure this child out at all and she gets the negative attention by getting in trouble but mom has to be really upset to punish her . Like mom has to be embarassed for her to punish her . so i told my sister i dont know what to tell her to do with the child except make the punishment more severe. Like maybe stripping her room and no tv or things like that .
I bolded the terms that really struck me:

1:
just because mom and grandma are home does not automatically mean that the 8 year old is getting quality time or personal positive interaction attention.

2: Do you mean that this child only gets disciplined/punished when she does this behavior but otherwise gets carte blanche?
That's what is sounds like.

If there are no rules and consistent following of those rules/discipline, then it just sounds like this is the way the 8 year old figures to get some 'real' attention .
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Old 03-23-2010, 11:07 AM
 
268 posts, read 452,231 times
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Funny question. My brother's daughter used to do the same thing. Spanking, yelling, etc, didn't work.

We all finally decided to get together and start explaining to her exactly why you don't steal other people's things. Also, whenever she would steal something, an item of hers would be taken away and when she returned the stolen item on her own accord, her belonging would also be returned. We used a little positive reinforcement, and basically let her make her own decision to stop. I assume she weighed the pros and cons herself and realized losing her belongs wasn't worth gaining someone else's, as well as probably realizing what it felt like to be the one losing your stuff.

After a few months, the stealing wasn't a problem anymore.

Hope that helps.
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Old 03-23-2010, 01:36 PM
 
115 posts, read 272,911 times
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IMHO, I think family counseling would be more appropriate in this case. If the girl is only being disciplined when the mother is embarrassed by her behavior, then the punishment will far out weight the "crime."

They need help to sort out the family dynamics and to have a plan in place for disciplining. Children, in general, need rules and consequences for breaking those rules. They also need positive strokes and to know that a parent's(grandparent's) love is unconditional. I am not saying she doesn't already get this, just emphasizing the need for positive that can out weight the negative.

Her school's counselor should be able to help the family find someone qualified in family counseling. She/he should also include the young lady in group sessions at school.

I know this is hard for your family. It is also hard for the child to go through. This might mark her throughout her school years if it is not taken care of now. Please encourage your sister to seek help.
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